U.A. Fanthorpe
Ursula Askham Fanthorpe (published as U. A. Fanthorpe) was an English poet. She was educated at St Catherine's School, Bramley in Surrey and at St Anne's College, Oxford, where she received a first-class degree in English language and literature, and subsequently taught English at Cheltenham Ladies' College for sixteen years. She then abandoned teaching for jobs as a secretary, receptionist and hospital clerk in Bristol - in her poems, she later remembered some of the patients for whose records she had been responsible.
Her first volume of poetry, Side Effects, was published in 1978. She was "Writer-in-Residence" at St Martin's College, Lancaster (now University of Cumbria)(1983–85), as well as Northern Arts Fellow at Durham and Newcastle Universities.
In 1987 Fanthorpe went freelance, giving readings around the country and occasionally abroad. In 1994 she was nominated for the post of Professor of Poetry at Oxford. Her nine collections of poems were published by Peterloo Poets. Her Collected Poems came out in 2005. Many of her poems are for two voices. In her readings the other voice is that of Bristol academic and teacher R.V. "Rosie" Bailey, Fanthorpe's life partner of 44 years. The couple co-wrote a collection of poems, From Me To You: Love Poems, that was published in 2007 by Enitharmon.
“INot my best side, I'm afraid.The artist didn't give me a chance toPose properly, and as you can see,Poor chap, he had this obsession withTriangles, so he left off two of myFeet. I didn't comment at the time(What, after all, are two feetTo a monster?) but afterwardsI was sorry for the bad publicity.Why, I said to myself, should my conquerorBe so ostentatiously beardless, and rideA horse with a deformed neck and square hoofs?Why should my victim be soUnattractive as to be inedible,And why should she have me literallyOn a string? I don't mind dyingRitually, since I always rise again,But I should have liked a little more bloodTo show they were taking me seriously.IIIt's hard for a girl to be sure ifShe wants to be rescued. I mean, I quiteTook to the dragon. It's nice to beLiked, if you know what I mean. He wasSo nicely physical, with his clawsAnd lovely green skin, and that sexy tail,And the way he looked at me,He made me feel he was all ready toEat me. And any girl enjoys that.So when this boy turned up, wearing machinery,On a really dangerous horse, to be honestI didn't much fancy him. I mean,What was he like underneath the hardware?He might have acne, blackheads or evenBad breath for all I could tell, but the dragon--Well, you could see all his equipmentAt a glance. Still, what could I do?The dragon got himself beaten by the boy,And a girl's got to think of her future.IIII have diplomas in DragonManagement and Virgin Reclamation.My horse is the latest model, withAutomatic transmission and built-inObsolescence. My spear is custom-built,And my prototype armourStill on the secret list. You can'tDo better than me at the moment.I'm qualified and equipped to theEyebrow. So why be difficult?Don't you want to be killed and/or rescuedIn the most contemporary way? Don'tYou want to carry out the rolesThat sociology and myth have designed for you?Don't you realize that, by being choosy,You are endangering job prospectsIn the spear- and horse-building industries?What, in any case, does it matter whatYou want? You're in my way. - Not My Best Side”