Vernon D. Burns

“I consider myself a green party supporter...because green represents my favorite color other than clear. And I met a guy who was running for the green party this one time, and he seemed like he had a great head on his shoulders for a homeless guy.”

“I swear, it's like God is just squatting over us, pissing incessantly right on our faces as we try to get off this annoying planet. I think he's enjoying this.”

“The guy got torn the hell in half. He's in two big pieces, and he's very dead, unless I need him for the plot later.”

“Show me the science. Last I heard, gay six-year-olds remain unproven.”

“I'm not saying the plot doesn't have holes.”

“You fucked a raptor?”

“That scorpion is turning me into a human! Quick, stop him! Before the transformation is complete!”

“Unfortunately for Sampson, the naked mole rat was in heat at the moment.”

“Baby, where we're going, you won't need a shirt.”

“Deep down, it's all baseball, no matter what kind of geometrical shape you play it with.”

“He thought he saw some horses, too, and a clown, but it was the faces of all those dead raptors that really bothered him. And maybe that clown a little bit.”