W.C. Fields
W. C. Fields was born William Claude Dukenfield, the eldest of five children. Field's parents were a Cockney immigrant James Dukenfield and Philadelphia native Kate Felton
He was an American juggler, comedian, and actor. Fields created one of the great American comic personas of the first half of the 20th century—a misanthrope who teetered on the edge of buffoonery but never quite fell in, an egotist blind to his own failings, a charming drunk; and a man who hated children, dogs, and women, unless they were the wrong sort of women.
Fields was a marvel of marketing, he would go as far as pretending to drown in the ocean or other bodies of water, hoping to draw crowds (i.e. customers). His notoriety began around the age of 19, being propelled by his early 20s. His stardom would reach the heights Perform for Sarah Bernhardt at Buckingham Palace and other high profiled dignitaries. During his life, he would preform with some of the greatest names (e.g. Charles Chaplin) and on some of he greatest stages.
As a person, W. C. Field's had two sons: William Rexford Field Morris and William Claude Fields, Jr. Fields was married only once to Harriet Hughes from 1900 to 1946. Harriet bore Field's one son and a girlfriend by the name of Bessie Poole bore him the other son. However, there is rumor that he had a number of girlfriend's throughout his life, but the most significant were Bessie Poole and Carlotta Monti.
“Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.”
“Drowned in a vat of whiskey... Oh Death, where is thy sting?”
“The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.”
“Don't be a luddy-duddy! Don't be a mooncalf! Don't be a jabbernowl! You're not those, are you?”
“I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.”
“Goddamn the whole fucking world and everyone in it except you, Carlotta!”
“Here lies W.C.Fields. I'd rather be living in Philadelphia.”
“You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.”
“I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.”
“Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.”
“Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore, always carry a small snake.”
“I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.”
“No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.”
“Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.”
“If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.”
“Marry an outdoors woman. That way, if you have to throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive.”
“Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night”
“You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.”
“Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. ”
“It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.”
“Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.”
“If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.”
“A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.”
“All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia”
“I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.”
“I don't drink water. Fish fuck in it.”
“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.”
“There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.”
“Never give a sucker an even break.”
“Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.”
“I never hold a grudge. As soon as I get even with the son-of-a bitch, I forget it.”
“Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.”
“Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. ”
“Ain't fit for man nor beast”
“Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.”
“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money”
“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
“I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”
“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”