Will Cuppy

“Pike spawn in February, March, and April because they cannot wait until May.”

“He had also learned that there is no use murdering people; there are always so many left, and if you tried to murder them all you would never get anything else done.”

“The pre-frontal region of the Peking man resembles that found in some parts of the Middle West.”

“The stork is voiceless because there is really nothing to say.”

“Never call anyone a baboon unless you are sure of your facts.”

“A few alligators are naturally of the vicious type and inclined to resent it when you prod them with a stick. You can find out which ones these are by prodding them.”

“As llamas have never heard of oxygen, they do not miss it.”

“Armadillos make affectionate pets, if you need affection that much.”

“Unfortunately, this world is full of people who are ready to think the worst when they see a man sneaking out of the wrong bedroom in the middle of the night.”

“We all make mistakes, but intelligence enables us to do it on purpose.”

“The call of the yellow-billed cuckoo of North America is often mistaken for a bloodhound drinking a bowl of milk. He goes coulp coulp coulp.”

“All modern men are descended from wormlike creatures, but it shows more on some people.”

“Whales are silly once every two years. The young are called short-heads or baby blimps. Many whale romances begin in Baffin's bay and end in Procter and Gamble's factory, Staten Island.”

“A hermit is simply a person to whom civilization has failed to adjust itself.”

“Infant wart hogs resemble both sides of the family.”

“There are 2,500 kinds of sponges, all of them consist largely of holes.”

“Intelligence is the capacity to know what we are doing and instinct is just instinct. The results are about the same.”

“Just when you're beginning to think pretty well of people, you run across somebody who puts sugar on sliced tomatoes.”