Will Rogers

“Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth. ”

“ Even though you are on the right track - you will get run over if you just sit there”

“The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.”

“Ten men in our country could buy the whole world and ten million can't buy enough to eat.”

“There are three kinds of men. The ones that learn by readin’. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.”

“A fool and his money are soon elected.”

“The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.”

“The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket.”

“It's not what we don't know that hurts. It's what we know that ain't so.”

“An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh.”

“Get all the good laughs you can.”

“There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.”

“I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.”

“There’s only one thing that can kill the movies, and that’s education.”

“Liberty doesn’t work as well in practice as it does in speeches.”

“The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.”

“I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”

“The problem ain't what people know. It's what people know that ain't so that's the problem.”

“All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.”

“If you feel the urge, don't be afraid to go on a wild goose chase. What do you think wild geese are for anyway?”

“Common sense ain't common.”

“Don't let yesterday take up too much of today”

“I like to hear a man talk about himself because then I never hear anything, but good.”

“We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.”

“There is no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.”

“If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.”

“Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”

“I'll bet you the time ain't far off when a woman won't know any more than a man.”

“A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people. ”

“When you find yourself in a hole, quit digging.”

“Everyone is ignorant, only on different subjects.”

“If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.”

“The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. ”

“I am not a member of any organized political party — I am a Democrat. ”

“Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is.”

“Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.”

“The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.”

“The only way to beat the lawyers is to die with nothing.”

“Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff.”

“If stupidity got us in this mess, how come it can't get us out.”

“I never met a man that I didn't like.”

“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”