120 Hilarious Comedy Movie Quotes

Laughter is a universal language, and nothing tickles the funny bone quite like a memorable quote from our favorite comedy films. Whether it's a classic one-liner or a brilliant piece of dialogue, comedy movie quotes have a special way of embedding themselves in our minds, ready to be quoted at any moment to brighten a day. In this collection, we've compiled the top 120 hilarious comedy movie quotes that not only showcase the wit and creativity of the film industry but also remind us why these moments have enduring charm. Prepare to dive into a treasure trove of humor and relive the scenes that had us all doubling over with laughter.

1. “Lord, what fools these mortals be!” - William Shakespeare

2. “Ah! good Sir! no Whores before Dinner, I beseech you."[Love's Last Shift]” - Colley Cibber

3. “Quiet, everybody! Quiet! Well, Sir, we've been getting along pretty good for quite a while now, and we're certainly much obliged. Remember, all we ask is to just go along and be happy in our own sort of way. Of course we want to keep our health but as far as anything else is concerned, we'll leave it to You. Thank You.” - Moss Hart

4. “There is no greater power than that of a laugh and happiness is a force which can save a person from the horrors of the world.” - Hillary DePiano

5. “It's like a fairy tale. . . on crack!” - Hillary DePiano

6. “Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious” - Peter Ustinov

7. “I don't advise a haircut, man. All hairdressers are in the employment of the government. Hairs are your aerials. They pick up signals from the cosmos, and transmit them directly into the brain. This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.” - Bruce Robinson

8. “And I must draft an advertisement for the Daily Prophet, too,' he added thoughtfully. 'We'll be needing a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.... Dear me, we do seem to run through them, don't we?” - J.K. Rowling

9. “Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.” - Dylan Moran

10. “You think I'm deranged! How refreshing. Everyone here takes me so seriously, it's a wonderful change to be thought mentally deficient.” - Katie MacAlister

11. “I ground my teeth. "Just when I thought I was getting a handle on this whole Dark One/demon lord/imp thing, you go and throw knockers into the mix. I'm going to have to request that you stop, Adrian. I'm about at my limit of how many impossible things I can believe before breakfast."He flashed a heart-stoppingly roguish grin at me, his dimples just about bringing me to my knees. "Your middle name wouldn't be Alice, would it?" he asked."No, it's Diane, and you're no White Rabbit, so let's just stop pretending we're in Wonderland, OK?"He laughed and pointed across the tiny square at our destination. I watched him for a moment, seeing a glimpse of the charming, charismatic man he must have been before the demon lord cursed him and leeched away all the softer emotions.” - Katie MacAlister

12. “Aryans?" I asked, thinking I must have heard the word incorrectly.Christian and Allie nodded."Aryans as in white supremacist, those sorts of Aryans?""Yes," Christian said."Neo-Nazis?" My mind was having a hard time grasping the idea of a power-hungry vampire leading an army of Hitler's Youth. "Skinheads and their ilk?""Hasi, what is it you find so unbelievable?" Adrian asked, a smile in his voice."Oh, I don't know. I guess I just expected that any army Saer raised would be… you know… the evil undead." Everyone just looked at me. "Oh, yeah, I guess you're right. Neo-Nazis are more or less the evil undead. Right. So we have Saer about to attack at any moment with a bunch of goose-stepping Nazis. Great. Anyone here do a really good Winston Churchill impression?” - Katie MacAlister

13. “You took a bath without me?"I smiled to myself at the accusation in his voice.” - Katie MacAlister

14. “Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.” - Steve Martin

15. “You can’t keep bitch-slapping your creativity, or it’ll run away and find a new pimp.” - George Meyer

16. “Oh, I forgot to tell you the rest of it—he’s a widower now, so they can ride off together into the sunset, their wedding rings glinting.” - Brenda Joyce

17. “I fart in your general direction.” - Graham Chapman

18. “A kitten is the delight of a household. All day long a comedy is played out by an incomparable actor.” - Champfleury

19. “Even amidst tragedy there is laughter, sometimes farce. The degree of farce depends on who is running the tragedy.” - Daniel Prokop

20. “As soon as you have made a thought, laugh at it.” - Lao Tzu

21. “Our family was nearly torn apart on several occasions by arguments started when the refrigerator door was open for what my father deemed as ‘too long.” - Weston Locher

22. “[The cats] scamper in front of my legs, causing me to fall and face plant into whatever furniture is closest. They especially like to play this game when I’m carrying piping hot coffee.” - Weston Locher

23. “Not enough info makes for a lot of dead cats.""Dead cats?""You know, 'Curiosity killed the cat.' And I have enough curiosity to start a feline genocide.""Feline genocide?""Yeah. If you don't explain Apollo, the cat kingdom will crumble. Cats all over the world will suddenly plop down in unmoving masses of fur, their food will dry up in smelly chunks of fish, and when people call, 'Here, kitty kitty kitty,' no cats will come running; they'll just-" Walter suddenly stopped."What's wrong?" Ashley asked.Walter stared straight ahead. "I just realized . . . if all those things happened, no one would notice the difference." ~Walter~” - Bryan Davis

24. “What you call idiot points, I call awesome dollars. ~Seth” - Brandon Mull

25. “No,' the professor replied. 'Her Majesty s alive and well - at least I assume so if she hasn't met a certain van driver from Yeovil.' ~Professor Hamilton” - Bryan Davis

26. “I always wanted to eat with a Negro,” Grandma said.Yeah, well I always wanted to eat with a boney-assed old white woman,” Lula said. “So I guess this works out good.” - Janet Evanovich

27. “My father hired you to protect me," Ahmed said, "not to go off chasing men." Grandma leaned forward, keeping her eye on the Taurus. "We think this guy killed Fred." "Who's Fred?" "My uncle," I told him. "He's married to Mabel." "Ah so you're avenging a murder in the family. This is a good thing.” - Janet Evanovich

28. “The most comic things of all are exactly the things most worth doing--such as making love.” - G.K. Chesterton

29. “Over the road there was a church: a modern gray building, which constantly played a recording of church bells. Strange it was. Why no proper bells? I never went in but I bet it was a robot church for androids, where the Bible was in binary and their Jesus had laser eyes and metal claws.” - Russell Brand

30. “A drug is not bad. A drug is a chemical compound. The problem comes in when people who take drugs treat them like a license to behave like an asshole.” - Frank Zappa

31. “The Ultimate Rule ought to be: 'If it sounds GOOD to you, it's bitchin'; if it sounds BAD to YOU, it's shitty. The more your musical experience, the easier it is to define for yourself what you like and what you don't like. American radio listeners, raised on a diet of _____ (fill in the blank), have experienced a musical universe so small they cannot begin to know what they like.” - Frank Zappa

32. “Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe.” - Lewis Black

33. “Believe nothing you hear, and only one half that you see.” - Edgar Allan Poe

34. “He stopped to rest at a cart selling nuts and candy, bought himself some Jelly Belly's, flirted just enought with the Mexican cutie working there to convince her pull out the banana-flavored one. Although he liked his Jelly Belly's mixed up, he didn't like banana, but, since it took too much effort to pull them out himself, he generally tried to talk someone else into doing it. If that didn't work, he just ate 'em.- Kenny Traveler” - Susan Elizabeth Phillips

35. “Now, this is where I draw the line! It's bad enough everybody in town's going to be thinkin' I'm sleeping with a depressed, lice-ridden, hemorrhoidal foreigner who likes to be tied up and might be pregnant, although-since she's just about cornered the market on condoms-I don't know how that could have happened. But I will not-you listen to me, Emma!-I absolutely will not have anybody thinkin' a woman of mine needs a vaginal moisturizer, do you hear me?” - Susan Elizabeth Phillips

36. “Some guys step on a rake in the dark, and get mad and go punch somebody. Others step on a rake in the dark and fall down laughing at themselves. I know which kind of guy I'd rather be. So do my friends.” - Spider Robinson

37. “I ejaculated about ten minutes ago and the stuff was black. So everything is not normal."Silence greeted that happy little announcement. Man, if he had hauled off and sucker-punched V, he would have gotten less of a shocked-out reaction.” - J.R. Ward

38. “The Brit's face shares a heritage with a junkyard butt-sniffing mutt. It's a hard-earned moonshine mug, dotted with a hairy mole that looks like a rat's been gnawing on it. His beard looks like a white sneeze. The teeth are jagged and out of alignment, having opened quarts at Jiffy Quick Lube for half a decade.” - Brett Tate

39. “One does not have humor. It has you.” - Larry Gelbart

40. “Mishaque was a stouty blend of Irish "shrek" mixed with crazy Jafakain, his front was car dealing.” - Saira Viola

41. “With him big Phil from Notting Hill an old "face" from the sixties a pin up gangster with a "mars bar" weal scraping his left cheek and of course two "wag" slags in tow trussed up like French Poodles with "Bratz babe" stares and Gucci Handbags” - Saira Viola

42. “Poncho was in a red mood slanging with rage and needed to cook himself out of it , while shoving handfuls of salted peanuts down his gullet and slurping ice cold Fanta” - Saira Viola

43. “Here is my final point. About drugs, about alcohol, about pornography and smoking and everything else. What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body - as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?” - Bill Hicks

44. “There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.” - George Carlin

45. “I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory and enrich my comedy.” - Patton Oswalt

46. “The girdle went from just under my breasts to the top of my knees. It cinched me in pretty tight. In fact, it was so tight that when I sat in it and farted, the farts would slide up my back, shoot out the top of the girdle, and make my hair fly off the back of my beck.” - Mollie Gross

47. “Before we left home, my hair had already started to fall apart. I decided to pull it into a bun high on my head and attach one of those fake hair things that look like a nest of cute curls. I slapped a tiara on my head and was good to go. I had my weave, my girdle, and my tiara. I was ready to party!” - Mollie Gross

48. “I was just thinking... isn't it lucky that we decided to become co-editors? If one takes a blow to the head, the other can fill in. If the other's lung spontaneoulsy collapses, the one can fill in. It's a perfect system once you think about it."~Will Landsman” - Gabrielle Zevin

49. “You are mad!" she snapped, her chest heaving. "And you are a devil!""And you, my dear," Royce imperturbably replied, "are a bitch." With that, he turned to the horrified friar and unhesitatingly announced, "The lady and I wish to be wed.” - Judith McNaught

50. “Are you all right?” he asked Olivia. His heart was still racing with terror that she’d been hurt. “I heard a woman scream.”“Ah, that would have been me,” Sebastian said.Harry looked down on his cousin, face frozen in disbelief. “You made that noise?”“It hurt,” Sebastian bit off.Harry fought not to laugh. “You scream like a leettle girl.” - Julia Quinn

51. “At least one way of measuring the freedom of any society is the amount of comedy that is permitted, and clearly a healthy society permits more satirical comment than a repressive, so that if comedy is to function in some way as a safety release then it must obviously deal with these taboo areas. This is part of the responsibility we accord our licensed jesters, that nothing be excused the searching light of comedy. If anything can survive the probe of humour it is clearly of value, and conversely all groups who claim immunity from laughter are claiming special privileges which should not be granted.” - Eric Idle

52. “It is the custom on the stage: in all good, murderous melodramas: to present the tragic and the comic scenes, in as regular alternation, as the layers of red and white in a side of streaky, well-cured bacon. The hero sinks upon his straw bed, weighed down by fetters and misfortunes; and, in the next scene, his faithful but unconscious squire regales the audience with a comic song. We behold, with throbbing bosoms, the heroine in the grasp of a proud and ruthless baron: her virtue and her life alike in danger; drawing forth a dagger to preserve the one at the cost of the other; and, just as our expectations are wrought up to the highest pitch, a whistle is heard: and we are straightway transported to the great hall of the castle: where a grey-headed seneschal sings a funny chorus with a funnier body of vassals, who are free of all sorts of places from church vaults to palaces, and roam about in company, carolling perpetually.Such changes appear absurd; but they are not so unnatural as they would seem at first sight. The transitions in real life from well-spread boards to death-beds, and from mourning weeds to holiday garments, are not a whit less startling; only, there, we are busy actors, instead of passive lookers-on; which makes a vast difference. The actors in the mimic life of the theatre, are blind to violent transitions and abrupt impulses of passion or feeling, which, presented before the eyes of mere spectators, are at once condemned as outrageous and preposterous.” - Charles Dickens

53. “They're so broke that they've actually cut essential services. In many places, they've cut policemen, because, who the fuck needs them? Or firemen, son of a bitch, it's much more fun watching something burn down.” - Lewis Black

54. “[Comedies], in the ancient world, were regarded as of a higher rank than tragedy, of a deeper truth, of a more difficult realization, of a sounder structure, and of a revelation more complete. The happy ending of the fairy tale, the myth, and the divine comedy of the soul, is to be read, not as a contradiction, but as a transcendence of the universal tragedy of man.... Tragedy is the shattering of the forms and of our attachments to the forms; comedy, the wild and careless, inexhaustible joy of life invincible.” - Joseph Campbell

55. “It'd be great to be so famous that if I murder someone, I will never, ever, ever serve any jail time, even if it's totally obvious to everyone that I did it.” - Mindy Kaling

56. “Haley and I would talk for hours about which member of 'N Sync we'd want to marry. After long deliberation, the answer was always J. C. Chasez. JoeyFatone's last name was going to be “Fat One” no matter how great he was, and even though they didn't know at theirage that Lance Bass was gay outright, they sensed he'd make a better good friend and confidante. As for Justin Timberlake, well, JT was the coolest and hottest, but too flashy, so we couldn't trust him to be faithful. J. C. Chasez was the smart compromise.” - Mindy Kaling

57. “Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing.” - Doug Stanhope

58. “Anytime there's a bad female stand-up somewhere, some dickhead Interblogger will deduce that “women aren't funny.” Using that same math, I can state: Male comedy writers piss in cups.” - Tina Fey

59. “It’s true—there are only, like, two songs about rainbows, including that one. He should be asking why there are so few songs about rainbows.” - Cheryl Cory

60. “I don't appreciate people who celebrate their dog's birthdays with "dog parties," and then invite their friends who don't even have dogs. I understand why people like dogs, and I think they definitely bring more to the table than cats or those godforsaken ferrets, but I don't think it's healthy for people to treat their dogs like they are real people.” - Chelsea Handler

61. “If you cannot find an element of Humour in something, your not taking it seriously enough.” - Ilyas Kassam

62. “Once bitten twice shy? Sure, but... why not get a bigger dog and bite them back?” - A.A. Bell

63. “Only love will attract love.”~ Amunhotep El Bey” - Amunhotep El Bey

64. “What are you gonna help us with? That very tiny used condom?” - Booth

65. “DEATH. . .And now you are here to fight for this woman.You know her promise is given.She has to die or her husband won't go free.APOLLORelax, I'm not breaking any laws.DEATHWhy the bow, if you're breaking no laws?APOLLOI always carry a bow, it's my trademark.” - Anne Carson

66. “To me, comedy is a great occupation because I don't really worry that much about what other people think of me.” - Joe Rogan

67. “Today I feel like I did tomorrow.” - Carroll Bryant

68. “Adam ” Lori called loudly enough for me to hear her but not so loud that her voice would carry up to my mom in the marina office- or to her dad who might be listening from their screened porch facing the water. “I came over to get some tips from the boys about teaching Tammy and Rachel to board. Of course I did not come over here to see you. How could you think such a thing That would be disobedient.” I held up the wax. “For my own disobedience I have to buff the boat. Then I’m going for a jog.” She tilted her head. Probably her eyes widened but I couldn’t see them behind her sunglasses. I hated not being able to see her eyes. She asked “In this heat?” I didn’t mind jogging in the heat. The heat was a big friendly animal that liked to wrestle and only occasionally sat on me until I lost my breath. Anyway she was missing the point. I repeated carefully ”I am GOING for a JOG.” “I HEARD you the FIRST time ” she said. “It’s late afternoon in the middle of June. It’s ninety-five degrees out here.” “He means he’s GOING for a JOG” Rachel and Tammy said at the same time. “He’s GOING for a JOG.”Lori still didn’t get it. Normally her blondeness was one of the things I loved about her. At the moment not so much. Exasperated Cameron told her “Adam wants you to go for a jog too.” She said “Oh ” “If you two airheads have to hook up secretly for very long ” Sean said “you’re not going to make it.” - Jennifer Echols

69. “You make terrible, terrible plans." "Hey, " I protested. "One of my plans caught you didn't it?" "Yeah, but you meant to catch Sean." He took his hand off my shoulder. I waved his concerns away, along with a cloud of gnats that had found us in the forest. "You're getting lost in the details. Keep the big picture in mind.” - Jennifer Echols

70. “What did Kevin Ye get arrested for anyway? Didn't he steal a car?" "He stole the driver's ed car."I laughed. Then I saw how Adam was looking at me. "He gave it back." "They MAKE you give stuff back, Lori, after they arrest you for stealing it.” - Jennifer Echols

71. “And okay, fine. If you have to kiss her, you have to kiss her. And believe me, I do not envy you. That's taking one for the team a little far. I mean, I think I'd rather endure the stabbing myself instead of having to kiss her.” - Gena Showalter

72. “Poetry is only the highest eloquence of passion, the most vivid form of expression that can be given to our conception of anything, whether pleasurable or painful, mean or dignified, delightful or distressing. It is the perfect coincidence of the image and the words with the feeling we have, and of which we cannot get rid in any other way, that gives an instant "satisfaction to the thought." This is equally the origin of wit and fancy, of comedy and tragedy, of the sublime and pathetic.” - William Hazlitt

73. “College wasn't like the real world. In the real world people dropped names based on their renown. In college, people dropped names based on their obscurity.” - Jeffrey Eugenides

74. “And if that weren't bad enough, the next sound he heard was a loud click.The damned woman had locked him out. She'd taken all the food and locked him out."You'll pay for this!" he yelled at the door."Do be quiet," came the muffled reply. "I'm eating.” - Julia Quinn

75. “To call that writing, madam, is an insult to quills and ink across the world.” - Julia Quinn

76. “Perriwickturned to Penelope as he set the tray down on a table. "If I might be so bold, my lady-""Perriwick!" Blake roared. "If I hear the phrase 'if I might be so bold' one more time, as God is mywitness, I'm going to toss you into the channel!""Oh dear," Penelope said. "Perhaps he does have the fever, after all.Perriwick , what do you think?"The butler reached for Blake's forehead, only to have his hand nearly bitten off. "Touch me and die,"Blake snarled.” - Julia Quinn

77. “Think like a middle-aged man with OCD, a dead wife, and a teenage daughter.Think like a woman with three teenage sons who once ran a golf cart into the side of their granddad's house.""Cameron and Sean shouldn't have let me drive," Adam said in his own defense. "I was seven.""You shouldn't have ASKED to drive. You were seven.” - Jennifer Echols

78. “Her dad turned to me. "You. Follow Me.""Woof," I said.” - Jennifer Echols

79. “He sighed, then said, "So basically, you're stalking her.""I am NOT stalking her." I insisted."That's where you come in. If I followed her by myself, someone who did not understand the situation and did not realize that I am so responsible-"McGillicuddy snorted."- might mistake what I am doing for stalking.However, her big brother is with me. Therefore we are protecting her.” - Jennifer Echols

80. “A smaller rocket cut across the sky, trailing smoke. It exploded in a red heart."Awwwww!" said the crowd."Upside down," said Sean.The heart was, indeed, upside down. It grew and grew, upside down, until it's lights trailed and faded.A bigger rocket exploded in bright golden sparks, and then came another red heart."Upside down," said all the boys.Three explosions layered on top of one another, gold, blue, pink. Then still another red heart exploded, growing and growing before it faded."Upside down," said everyone in the boat but me.My own heart expanded for Adam.I whispered, "I know what he meant.” - Jennifer Echols

81. “Meeting a vampire is kind of like a celebrity sighting, but where the celebrity possibly wants to kill you.” - Adrianne Ambrose

82. “I noticed Xander had subtly adjusted his posture. He slouched slightly to the side, let his head hang, and then looked up through his bangs to gaze at something in the middle distance. Uber James Dean. Xander managed to pull it off as if he was looking at nothing, just having deep thoughts about the far away adventures he would be having if he wasn’t stuck waiting for a flowered suitcase at Hopkins International. I casually let my eyes slide across the room. There had to be cute girls somewhere close at hand. Otherwise Xander wouldn’t have broken out his middle distance gazing Tyrone Power eyes.” - Adrianne Ambrose

83. “I don't believe in virgin sacrifice. It encourages promiscuity at an early age” - Adrianne Ambrose

84. “If you don't want to tear off the clothes of the person you're on a date with and jump into bed with them, then what's the point? I'd never date; instead, I'd have lots of good friends and hug them a lot and life would be easier and neater and uncomplicated.” - Rachel Machacek

85. “I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.” - Steve Martin

86. “Those of you who are not aware of my brilliant career as a stand up comic, I'm not aware of it either so we might well wonder what we're doing here.” - Alan Rickman

87. “I never thought that someday men will also use an iPAD.” - Santosh Kalwar

88. “Peter and Jessie were like Romeo and Juliet. Have you ever seen that old movie? Starring Leonardo Dicaprio?” - Adele Griffin

89. “Women are aroused by the strangest things, like a rock going through their bedroom window” - Josh Stern

90. “You know, you can always do a three some.”“A three some?” I frowned. “No.”He shrugged. “Just a thought.”“Yeah, a dumb one,” I spat.“Hey! I didn’t call your idea to re-wallpaper the kitchen a dumb idea!”“You have a problem with the new paper?” I demanded.“Pop, please, it’s hideous,” Trick said.” - Kira4Inu

91. “It’s hillbilly urine; we had better get home before they come to eat us.” Kevin said pointing towards home proving if there was ever any doubt that he had no acting ability at all. (The Children of Ankh series)” - Kim Cormack

92. “It was the first time her eyes had really met mine and to be honest I think there was more warmth between the lamb chops in the freezer." Daniel meeting Felicity in Cousin Felicity and the Eels of Misty Point.” - Kaal Kaczmarek

93. “BALLS! We want the finest wines available to humanity. We want them HERE, and we want them NOW.” - Bruce Robinson

94. “Few people actually read. Instead, everyone likes pretending they read. If we spent as much time reading as we say we do, we'd be grossly overweight and depressed.” - Dan Wilbur

95. “You barbarians!' he yelled. 'I'll sue the council for every penny it's got! I'll have you hung, drawn and quartered! And whipped! And boiled...until...until...until...until you've had enough.'Ford was running after him. Very very fast.'And then I will do it again!' yelled Arthur, 'And when I've finished I will take all the little bits, and I will jump on them!” - Douglas Adams

96. “We finally settled on Francis Ford Coppola's version of Dracula, which, unfortunately, Gabriel seemed to think was a comedy. I think it was the combination of Keanu Reeves's British accent and Gary Oldman's elderly Count Dracula hairstyle. They're just misleading.” - Molly Harper

97. “She forks up a little nibble and wedges it in her mouth. "Yum," she croaks.Mrs. Wong looks pleased. "It's made with tofu."I can't resist. "Free-range tofu?"My mother looks over at me sharply. Mrs. Wong takes the bait. "Now, Cassidy, tofu isn't an animal," she chides. "It's soy bean curd. Soy bean curd doesn't need to roam free."On the floor below me, Emma lets out a little snort. I nudge her again with my foot. We're both grinning at the thought of a corral somewhere with little cubes of tofu wandering around. "Home, home on the range," I sing to her under my breath. "Where the deer and the tofu roam free...” - Heather Vogel Frederick

98. “To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” - Steven Wright

99. “Would you like some sacred chocolate?' a girl asked, appearing suddenly at Lara's side. 'They've very special chocolates,' she said, pushing a plate of the goods in Lara's direction. 'They're raw and sweetened with Stevia.'Stevia, huh? Lara grabbed a chocolate truffle and popped it into her mouth, winking at the girl. She hoped the 'stevia' would kick in soon, because frankly, it looked like these women were having a better time than she'd had in ages.” - Lola Salt

100. “Funny is funny is funny.” - Bob Newhart

101. “Ma la virilità si è tutta smammolata in coccolette; il coraggio svaporato in complimenti, e gli uomini sono diventati tutti lingua, come dei pappagalli ammaestrati. Oggi è più valente di un Ercole chi sa meglio mentire e spergiurare. Non posso diventare uomo di mia volontà, e allora morirò donna per disperazione.” - William Shakespeare

102. “She had her own barometer for knowing when a man was getting too close: as soon as he felt comfortable enough to help himself to something in her refrigerator, he was history....Filching leftover was simply too domestic for her to stomach. A man might as well say, "I'm hungry and I'm taking your food, woman." First he'd be foraging for food in the fridge, next he'd be expecting her to cook for him, replace buttons on his shirt, and give up her job to have babies that looked like him.” - Stephanie Bond

103. “Girls, we're fiction editors--we know how to plot, and we know how to cover our tracks. We can teach Jerry Key a lesson he'll never forget.” - Stephanie Bond

104. “If you find yourself cutting corners, go in a circle instead” - Benny Bellamacina

105. “... the preacher speaks both the word of tragedy and the word of comedy because they are both of them the truth and because Jesus speaks them both...” - Frederick Buechner

106. “Do short people reach their full potential quicker?” - Benny Bellamacina

107. “Shall I compare thee to a Shoggoth?” - D.R. O'Brien

108. “The girl says "Oh uh-uh, wait a minute! Wait a minute! Just because I'm dressed this way does not make me a whore!" Which is true, Gentlemen, that is true. Just because they dress a certain way doesn't mean they are a certain way. Don't even forget it. But ladies, you must understand that is fucking confusing. It just is. Now that would be like me, Dave Chappelle, the comedian, walking down the street in a cop uniform. Somebody might run up on me saying, "Oh, thank God. Officer, help us! Come on. They're over here. Help us!" "Oh-hoh! Just because I'm dressed this way does not make me a police officer!" See what I mean? All right, ladies, fine. You are not a whore. But you are wearing a whore's uniform.” - Dave Chappelle

109. “Roses are red, Violettes are bllue,Valentines day is consumerous crap,now don't you have ironing to do"Unlikely thing to read in a valentines day card” - Mock of the week the show

110. “That night's show was watched by ten million people, so I guess that director at The Second City who said the audience "didn't want to see a sketch with two women" can go shit in his hat.” - Tina Fey

111. “It's early on a beautiful winter morning. The house is quiet. The sun is shining. I'm thankful. I'm happy. My cup runneth over. Now there's coffee everywhere.” - Mindy Levy

112. “I'm gonna be percy Jackson when I grow up," she told Hazel solemnly.Hazel Smiled and ruffled her hair. "That's a good thing to be, Julia.""Although," Frank said. "Frank Zhang would be good too.” - Rick Riordan

113. “It’s still all “ifs” “buts” and “maybes”.’ ‘Maybe,’ I said. ‘But if what I’m saying is correct …” - Terry Murphy

114. “COBOL er i dag uten tvil verdens mest brukte høynivå programmeringsspråk. Det har vært i kontinuerlig bruk siden den første kompilatoren så dagens lys i 1960. En rekke versjoner av COBOL er blitt standardisert og internasjonalisert, først i 1968, senere i 1974 og i 1985. Som standardisert språk har COBOL klart vist sin verdi. Men på tross av dette har ettervirkningene fra utviklingen vært forholdsvis beskjedne, bortsett fra det IBM-utviklede generelle programmeringsspråket PL/1 som ble lansert i begynnelsen av 1970-årene.Kanskje en av grunnene til en manglende bred videreføring av COBOLs gode prinsipper og strukturer er at få har sett det mulig å gå videre. En annen grunn er kanskje at mesteparten av COBOL-brukerne er nettopp brukere og ikke teknologer. Den store masse av brukerne er enten ikke i stand til eller interessert i å utvikle et nytt programmeringsspråk, så lenge de har ett som virker bra, og som dessuten har vist seg å være utrolig pålitelig. COBOL har derfor vært uten virkelig konkurranse i over førti år. Selv i dag skrives det flere applikasjonsprogrammer i COBOL enn i hvilket som helst annet høynivå programmeringsspråk, FORTRAN inklusivt.” - Per Asbjørn Holst

115. “This is my heart on CRACK." Robin when she sees Creek” - Diane J. Reed

116. “I'm not into those kind of rivalries. I remember standing out in front of Stratford, minding my own business. Carload of about eighty kids would pull up: 'STRATFORD SUCKS!' Am I supposed to run after these guys? I'd just stand there, you know. They'd back up. 'STRATFORD SUCKS! ...STRATFORD SUCKS!' I'd say, 'I know. I go there. You're wasting gas, man.” - Bill Hicks

117. “People from different cultures have different definitions for beauty. Isn't that sad to judge others with our standards... rather than appreciate them?” - Mizuki Nomura

118. “When people get into their 30s plus "boyfriend" sounds weird...if you really think about it. Instead, I think we should universally start using the term "manfriend" or "snookie bookie cuddles pie".” - Michelle M. Pillow

119. “If the weight comes from bacon you can so deduct it off the scale total to get your true weight. #science” - Michelle M. Pillow

120. “Well, what do you know? Fakespeare!” - Hillary DePiano