126 Humour Quotes To Enjoy

Laughter truly is the best medicine, and what better way to inject a bit of humor into your day than with a collection of witty and funny quotes? Whether you're looking to brighten your own spirits or share a chuckle with friends, these top 126 humour quotes are sure to do the trick. From clever one-liners to sharp observations about daily life, this curated list offers a smile for every occasion. So sit back, relax, and get ready to enjoy some light-hearted reading that will leave you grinning from ear to ear.

1. “My patience has dreadful chilblains from standing so long on a monument.” - Elizabeth Barrett Browning

2. “What in the blue star-blazes did you see in Jason?" he asked, still forcefully but with his frustration and jealousy under better control."For one thing, Djetth, he wasn't trying to kill me!"("Marsh", heroine of Insufficient Mating Material)” - Rowena Cherry

3. “Simon: You're in a dangerous line of work, Jayne. Odds are you'll be under my knife again, often. So I want you to understand one thing very clearly: No matter what you do or say or plot, no matter how you come down on us, I will never, ever harm you. You're on this table, you're safe... 'cause I'm your medic. And however little we may like or trust each other, we're on the same crew. Got the same troubles, same enemies, and more than enough of both. Now, we could circle each other and growl, sleep with one eye open, but that thought wearies me. I don't care what you've done, I don't know what you're planning on doing, but I'm trusting you. I think you should do the same. 'Cause I don't see this working any other way. River: Also, I can kill you with my brain.” - Ben Edlund

4. “Hey. Sometimes life is a shit flavored Popsicle.” - Carl Hiaasen

5. “You're not allowed to call them dinosaurs any more," said Yo-less. "It's speciesist. You have to call them pre-petroleum persons.” - Terry Pratchett

6. “The advantage of being married a long time was that one could argue without the necessity of the other's actual, physical presence.” - William Browning Spencer

7. “We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works.” - Douglas Adams

8. “The cook was a good cook, as cooks go; and as cooks go, she went.” - Saki

9. “But I, when I undress meEach night, upon my kneesWill ask the Lord to bless meWith apple-pie and cheese.” - Eugene Field

10. “Yes, sir, there are things to see and do on the French Riviera without spending money.” - Robert A. Heinlein

11. “What's so unpleasant about being drunk?""Ask a glass of water!” - Douglas Adams

12. “Cal: “I’m not presuming. I know exactly what you think about me. You think I’m an anal-retentive Armrest Nazi . . . an arrogant Modelizer. You can’t stand the way I talk, any of the subjects I choose to talk about, the imperious manner I order food in restaurants or tell cab drivers how much we owe them. You find my taste in women odious, the fact that I don’t own a television an unforgivable sin, and the fact that I would choose to write a book about Saudi Arabia completely unfathomable. And you’re also totally in love with me. If you weren’t you wouldn’t have pushed me into the pool earlier today when you saw Grazi walk in.”Every Boy's Got One” - Meg Cabot

13. “I really hope he shapes up, you know? He’s got a good head on his shoulders when he’s not trying to give himself alcohol poisoning.” - Hailey Abbott

14. “You really saw some?" Liz said an hour later. Sure, we had the stereo blaring and the shower running, but Liz still whispered, "They really...exist?" "Liz," I whispered back, "they're not unicorns." "No," Bex said flatly, "they're boys. And they're...good.” - Ally Carter

15. “Do not oversleep and miss the school bus-you'll be late.That's a habit teachers generally don't appreciate. Never tell your friends at school that you still wet your bed.They are sure to tease you, and you'll wish that you were dead.Never call your teacher a name when she's not near you.Teachers' ears are excellent, so they can always hear you.Do not read a textbook when your hands aren't clean-it's trickyto separate the pages when the pages get real sticky.When you go out for a team it's always wise to practice.When you are a substitute, the bench can feel like cactus.Do not copy homework from a friend who is a dummy.If you do, I'm sure that you will get a grade that's crummy.And if your report card's bad, don't blame it on your buddy.Kiss up to your parents quick, or they might make you study.” - Bruce Lansky

16. “Sadly, however, the sight of her generous D cups no longer sparked an ounce of interest from Little Sam, the man in charge of social activities.” - Sarah Mayberry

17. “Girls like you want to cut guy's nuts off and hang 'em from your rearview mirror.” - Simone Elkeles

18. “All we know of the Missing Link is that he is missing - and he won't be missed either.” - G.K. Chesterton

19. “They were small, brightly coloured, happy little creatures who secreted some of the nastiest toxins in the world, which is why the job of looking after the large vivarium where they happily passed their days was given to first-year students, on the basis that if they got things wrong there wouldn't be too much education wasted.” - Terry Pratchett

20. “A Prayer was like a tickle.Sooner or later God would have to look down to see what was tickling his bum.” - Lloyd Jones

21. “Jake became excruciatingly aware of her, there, right behind him. The small grunts and groans as she placed each foot carefully on the slick ground reverberated in his gut. He wanted to turn around and tell her to shut the hell up.She sounded as though she was having sex.Good sex.” - Cherry Adair

22. “Hey, Carrots," he says.” - Cynthia Hand

23. “We're on a mission from Glod.” - Terry Pratchett

24. “You don't scare me, Cadence Jones. I've lived with crazy, I've ridden with crazy, I've vacationed with crazy, I've visited crazy in various hospitals, I've sat in on therapy sessions with crazy. Frankly, I think women who don't have major emotional disorders are really very dull.” - MaryJanice Davidson

25. “The British do not expect happiness. I had the impression, all the time that I lived there, that they do not want to be happy; they want to be right.” - Quentin Crisp

26. “Hells yeah. You kidding? Gay men are hot.” - Rachel West

27. “The Brit's face shares a heritage with a junkyard butt-sniffing mutt. It's a hard-earned moonshine mug, dotted with a hairy mole that looks like a rat's been gnawing on it. His beard looks like a white sneeze. The teeth are jagged and out of alignment, having opened quarts at Jiffy Quick Lube for half a decade.” - Brett Tate

28. “It is better to be first with an ugly woman than the hundreth with a beauty.” - Pearl S. Buck

29. “It's only human nature for dogs to chase motrobikes” - Peter Tinniswood

30. “Cordelia: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan.Oz: We attack the Mayor with hummus.Cordelia: I stand corrected.Oz: Just keeping things in perspective.” - Mutant Enemy/ Joss Whedon

31. “No matter how strong you are, you cannot hold open the jaws of a great-white shark with your bare hands... that can do your brain.” - Ivan Stoikov

32. “But I don’t think I’ve ever known such a natural at Potions!” said Slughorn. “Instinctive, you know — like his mother! I’ve only ever taught a few with this kind of ability, I can tell you that, Sybill — why even Severus —”And to Harry’s horror, Slughorn threw out an arm and seemed to scoop Snape out of thin air toward them.” - J.K. Rowling

33. “People have many cruel expectations from writers. People expect novelists to live on a hill with three kids and a spouse, people expect children's story writers to never have sex, and people expect all great poets to be dead. And these are all very difficult expectations to fulfill, I think.” - C. JoyBell C.

34. “Dying's a fearful popular activity these days so we often double 'em up.” - John Marsden

35. “Weather is a purely personal matter. There is no such thing as a climate that is cold or hot, good or bad, healthy or unhealthy. People take it upon themselves to create a fantasy in their imagination and call it weather. There's only one climate in the world, but the message that nature sends is interpreted according to strictly personal, non-transferable rules.” - Alvaro Mutis

36. “Well, what was I to do? For the well-bred gentleman there was clearly only one recourse. I fucked him.” - Mark Gatiss

37. “Humour is meant, in a literal sense, to make game of man; that is, to dethrone him from his official dignity and hunt him like game.” - G.K. Chesterton

38. “Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not. A sense of humour was provided to console him for what he is.” - Horace Walpole

39. “There ain't half been some clever bastards” - Ian Dury

40. “Finally, the intercom crackles and Hatmitch's acerbic laugh fills the studio. He contains himself just long enough to say, 'And that, my friends, is how a revolution dies.” - Suzanne Collins

41. “Don't Stop Believing” - Journey

42. “Doesn’t he look just like a ring wraith?” she said thoughtfully. “Are you kidding?” replied Cathy, “I most certainly won't be carol singing at your door this Christmas if you've got one of those ugly things hanging on it!” “No, from Lord of the Rings,” said Sue impatiently. “I'm sorry,” snorted Cathy, “I don't watch pornographic material." “Have you never read a book?!” Sue snapped. “It's about a small man who travels through dangerous lands to drop a ring into a volcano, it's a classic.” “Does sound like a small man,” she replied, “can't even face his marriage problems full on.” - Paul Baxter

43. “I’m Sam Donovan.” “I know who you are. Mrs. Kulavich told me. I’m Jaine Bright.” “I know. She told me. She even told me how you spell your name.” Now, how on earth had Mrs. Kulavich known that?” - Linda Howard

44. “Cheat? Good heavens, this is an amateur cricket match amongst leading prep schools, I'm an Englishman and a schoolmaster supposedly setting an example to his young charges. We are playing the most artistic and beautiful game ever devised. Of course I'll cunting well cheat. Now, give me my robe and put on my crown. I have immortal longings in me.” - Stephen Fry

45. “Ladies, we are at a massive disadvantage in the workplace. Your male peers are flirting with their male bosses constantly. The average workplace is like f*cking Bromancing the Stone. That’s basically what male bonding is. Flirting. They’re flirting with each other playing golf, they’re flirting with each other going to the football, they’re flirting with each other chatting at the urinals – and, sadly, flirting with each other in after-hours visits to strip clubs and pubs. They are bonding with each other over their biological similarities. If the only way you can bond with them is over your biological differences, you go for it. Feel pressurised to actually f*ck them if you do? Then don’t flirt. Find it an easy way to just crack on? Then crack on – and don’t blame other women for doing it.” - Caitlin Moran

46. “Aberystwyth (n.)A nostalgic yearning which is in itself more pleasant than the thing being yearned for.” - Douglas Adams

47. “Strange, isn't it,' mused Glokta as he watched him struggle for air. 'Big men, small men, thin men, fat men, clever men, stupid men, they all respond the same to a fist in the guts. One minute you think you're the most powerful man in the world. The next you can't even breathe by yourself.” - Joe Abercrombie

48. “Who's got a mirror?” I ask. Spider shrugs at me. “We're all fellas. Why would any of us have mirrors?”“I've got a mirror!” Brandon declares happily, digging a compact out of his pocket. No-one is surprised.” - Melanie Tushmore

49. “You are not the first, and will not be the last, to say so. I wear my “warped” label with pride.” - Jessica Park

50. “You should have called us. Desmond would have picked you up.''No I wouldn't,' Valkyrie's dad said, stepping into earshot. 'Sorry, Fletcher, but I had important fatherly duties to take care of, which included eating breakfast, showering, and finding my trousers. Of those three, I only managed two. Without looking down, can you guess which one I missed?'... Fletcher smiled back. 'I just want to borrow Stephanie for a moment.''Take our daughter,' Valkryie's dad said, waving a hand airily. 'We have another one now.” - Derek Landy

51. “Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countless imitators including oltaire, Michelangelo, and, much later, Cher.” - Demetri Martin

52. “Bob loses saving throw vs. shiny with a penalty of -5. Bob takes 2d8 damage to the credit card.” - Charles Stross

53. “One of the problems with being a writer is that all of your idiocies are still in print somewhere. I strongly support paper recycling.” - P.J. O'Rourke

54. “Most people want to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.” - Robert Orben

55. “With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon.” - Groucho Marx

56. “Tucker, please put him down," said Annie. "You're frightening Jackson.""He's not," said Jackson. "It's cool. I don't like that guy anyway. Punch him, Dad.” - Nick Hornby

57. “When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.” - Sacha Guitry

58. “I also think pronunciation of a foreign tongue could be better taught than by demanding from the pupil those internal acrobatic feats that are generally impossible and always useless. This is the sort of instruction one receives: 'Press your tonsils against the underside of your larynx. Then with the convex part of the septum curved upwards so as almost but not quite to touch the uvula try with the tip of your tongue to reach your thyroid. Take a deep breath and compress your glottis. Now without opening your lips say "Garoo".' And when you have done it they are not satisfied.” - Jerome K. Jerome

59. “I spilled my cup of coffee straight onto my crotch. Superior heat retention has its drawbacks. I grimaced as the scalding liquid reached ground zero, but as I did my best to angle my jeans away from the Resnick family's last hope, my seatmate decided to dispose of her hoodie.I juggled two pressing needs:1) Protect the nethers.2) Leer” - B. Justin Shier

60. “It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's fun and games you can't see anymore.” - James Hetfield

61. “This Earle of Oxford, making of his low obeisance to Queen Elizabeth, happened to let a Fart, at which he was so abashed and ashamed that he went to Travell, 7 yeares. On his returne the Queen welcomed him home, and sayd, My Lord, I had forgott the Fart.” - John Aubrey

62. “The place had enormous possibilities. He realized that at once. The stream, of course, was perfect for sailing toy boats, for skipping stones, and, in the event of failing inspiration, for falling into. Several of the trees appeared to have been specifically designed for climbing, and one huge, white old birch overhanging the stream promised the exhilarating combination of climbing a tree and falling into the water, all at one time.” - David Eddings

63. “Sex doesn't interfere with your tennis; it's staying out all night trying to find it that affects your tennis.” - Andre Agassi

64. “Got to say, dying would really wreck my best day. Been there, done that, and now that I think about it, Artemis forgot to give me the t-shirt.” - Sherrilyn Kenyon

65. “I bought a packet of Trojan® Ultra Pleasure Extra Sensitive condoms: ‘No. 1 in AMERICA’. They smell nothing like a positive first sexual experience.” - Joe Dunthorne

66. “Maxim 8: Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it's on the far side of the airlock.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries” - Howard Tayler

67. “Maxim 11: Everything is air-droppable at least once.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries” - Howard Tayler

68. “I think I know where my life went wrong. For all the world's a stage and I'm a lousy actor!” - Greg Curtis

69. “So Basically I'm the Antichrist , and the whole world is fucked because of me" - Jordon Hanson.” - Barry James

70. “Honestly, we don't kick or bite or throw potatoes at all our guests."A crooked smile touched Lord Bradford's lips."Your family has spirit," he said, taking his hat from Azalea. "I enjoyed the evening.""Well, yes, you've just come from a war," said Azalea.” - Heather Dixon

71. “Impartially, shrewdly, I considered suicide, though not in my worst moments. The bottle of pills. The note: 'No hard feelings, everyone, but I've thought about it and it's just not on, is it? It's nearly on, but not quite. No? Anyway, all the best, C.” - Martin Amis

72. “My cats inspire me daily. They inspire me to get a dog!” - Greg Curtis

73. “At the bottom of the hill they came out of the trees to a busy street and Antwan said, "We cross here." "Ain't no lights here," Antwan said. "Just look out for the ones trying to hit you. There's a nice-looking blonde-haired female human lives around here - any time she sees me she tries to run me down.” - Elmore Leonard

74. “No, General. I'm not your subordinate. And what I'm coming dangerously close to is violence.-General Wedge Antilles” - Aaron Allston

75. “I swiftly discovered that there are few things in DIY (and possibly life) that can't be solved with a large mallet, a bag of ten-centimetre nails and some swearing.” - Monty Halls

76. “[About Uluru] I'm suggesting nothing here, but I will say that if you were an intergalactic traveler who had broken down in our solar system, the obvious directions to rescuers would be: "Go to the third planet and fly around till you see the big red rock. You can't miss it." If ever on earth they dig up a 150,000-year-old rocket ship from the galaxy Zog, this is where it will be. I'm not saying I expect it to happen; not saying that at all. I'm just observing that if I were looking for an ancient starship this is where I would start digging.” - Bill Bryson

77. “I don't believe in ghosts but they blindly believe in me” - Dr. Amit Abraham

78. “You can't believe everything people tell you - not even if those people are your own brain.” - Jefferson Smith

79. “How could I not fall in love with him," she asked. And on the tail end of her words, her bedroom door flew open and closed just as fast.Jen bent over, panting heavily as she looked up at Sally."Hey Sally girl. Who we falling in love with?" Jen asked breathlessly."Jen, what's wrong?" Sally paused and then decided on a better question. "What have you done now?"Jen stood up and took two deep breaths. Seeming to have regained her wind, she spoke quickly."First off, I've changed my mind. I don't want you to name your first born after me."Sally interrupted. "Thank goodness for that," she muttered."I want you to name your entire freaking litter after me," Jen growled. "Do you know what I've been through?" Jen's arms were flinging around as she glared at Sally. "I did that little strip tease to try and keep things from escalating with the rest of the pack and Decebel was beyond pissed. I had to sneak out of the gathering room and make a run for it. I've been running through the freaking forest trying to throw him off by changing back and forth so that I could place my clothes that I carried in my freaking muzzle. CARRIED IN MY MUZZLE SALLY! I put them in different places to throw off him off my scent." Jen went over to Sally's window and was trying to judge the danger of using it as an exit.” - Quinn Loftis

80. “The whole room said, "Admire without touching anything and then get out.” - Kaje Harper

81. “He feared, in his secret heart, that one day in company the baby would sit up and speak; that it would engage his eyes, appraise him, and say, 'You prick.” - Hilary Mantel

82. “Okay,” Cooper says agreeably. “But what if you and Nigel fall in love, and Nigel and I become BFFs, and then you guys get married, and Nigel wants me to be the best man, and you and I have to talk about the wedding plans?”“That would never happen, because since Nigel would be so in love with me, he would have dumped you as a BFF as soon as we got engaged and/or told you you were not allowed to be best man at our wedding, per my wishes.”“Yes, but—”“Wait a minute,” I say. “Did you just say ‘BFF’?”“Yes,” he says. He looks at me and shrugs. “I’ve been watching a lot of Disney Channel.” - Lauren Barnholdt

83. “She introduced herself to my parents with one of her mighty, bunny-crushing handshakes. (I'd never seen Claudia crush a bunny, to be fair, but that's the approximate level of pressure.)” - Maureen Johnson

84. “Would you please just talk to me? Please?" Sally's voice was beginning to take on a high-pitched whine."Oh, good grief. For the love of healthy ears everywhere, quit your belly aching," Jen snapped, the clothes in her hands growing more wrinkled by the second. "Sally, there is nothing to talk about, okay? It is what it is."Sally threw her hands up in the air as she exhaled loudly. "No, it is not what it is, whatever the hell that means. It's a whole freaking lot more complicated than 'it is what it is.” - Quinn Loftis

85. “It's not so much an afterlife' Said Arthur, 'more a sort of apres vie” - Douglas Adams

86. “Arthur narrowly avoided tripping over his own skirt as he hurried out of the ladies’ powder room in full pursuit.” - Graham Moore

87. “På stasjonen sto det også en samling innfødte og beundret båtene. Særlig spekulerte de på hva det betydde at det sto "Nettie" i baugen på skipperens kano. Idet vi skulle gå, hadde en språkkyndig mann oversatt ordet til norsk og var begynt å bøye det som et uregelmessig verbum.” - Esau Kessler John

88. “How did a child of ten find out about a three and a half hundred years old children's show?!” - Meinos Kaen

89. “I brushed my hands on the pockets of my jeans, still marvelling at the fact I wasn't wearing a gown. And that I had real underwear on. It was the small things” - Allison Pang

90. “Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?” - rocky quicksilver

91. “Fine, but if you get yourself killed I reserve the right to flush your ashes down the toilet while I sing the theme from Titanic.” - Quinn Loftis

92. “We're going to have ourselves one hell of a Ruckus," said Smokey with a grin that went quite beyond the boundaries of mischief and right into the realm of delinquency.” - Joshua Donellan

93. “Through the door came a being of intense vivacity, impeccable sartorial integrity, and intermittent intelligibility.” - Terry Bisson

94. “In some company it’s perfectly all right to prick your finger, but very bad form to finger your prick.” - George Carlin

95. “Around 11 P.M., unable to concentrate on his work or even watch the news, he had started to wonder if this was how it started with stalkers. And then he started to think maybe he'd do his next article as an investigation of stalkers. But then he wondered... if you do a ride-along with a stalker, are you stalking the stalker?It all got very weird.” - Richard Castle

96. “And then he heard Mad-Eye Moody’s voice, echoing in some distant chamber of his empty brain: Jump onto the desk . . . jump onto the desk. . . .Harry bent his knees obediently, preparing to spring.Jump onto the desk. . . .Why, though? Another voice had awoken in the back of his brain.Stupid thing to do, really, said the voice.Jump onto the desk. . . .No, I don’t think I will, thanks, said the other voice, a little more firmly . . . no, I don’t really want to . . .Jump! NOW!The next thing Harry felt was considerable pain. He had both jumped and tried to prevent himself from jumping — the result was that he’d smashed headlong into the desk, knocking it over, and, by the feeling in his legs, fractured both his kneecaps.” - J.K. Rowling

97. “Look,’ said Cyrus, raising his knife again and pointing it at her. ‘Give me one reason why we shouldn’t kill your boyfriend over there. Come on. The dark scowling face is reason enough in my book.’She could have sworn she heard the sound of Lucas’s eyes narrowing to slits.‘Come on, just one reason,’ Cyrus repeated, ‘and it better not include the words love, eternal or soul.” - Sarah Alderson

98. “Ser Cleos raised a shout. When Jaime looked up, Brienne was lumbering along the clifftop well ahead of them, having cut across a finger of land while they were following the bend in the river. She threw herself off the rock, and looked almost graceful as she folded into a dive. It would have been ungracious to hope that she would smash her head on a stone.” - George R.R. Martin

99. “Handing me a pen is like handy a madman a knife...at the end of it you know you'll end up with a lot of broken bones, blood, and bodies - but it'll be one hell of a story to tell your friends.” - D.E.M. Emrys

100. “How come every squitty little shitty snotty bastard knows my name?” - Nick Hornby

101. “Nonsense, this is my home and I must defend it. It’s time for Santa to get serious.” - Michael Diack

102. “Anyway, I must be far from insufferable, since you've done an excellent job of suffering me these last months.” - Robert Jordan, Brandon Sanderson

103. “When she smiles niggers ask her for her hand in marriage; when I smile folks check their wallets.” - Junot Diaz

104. “love, stupidity and imagination have no limits” - sandeep

105. “Chancellor Gerhard Schröder has several times made statements to the effect that we Europeans should not cultivate a superficial anti-Americanism. But mine isn't superficial at all.Personally I have nothing against the US itself - it's a beautiful country - it's the people who live there that are the problem.I guess you could say it's the same thing with Bavaria.” - Volker Pispers

106. “There was this other apocalypse this one time. And, well, I took off. But this time, I don't... I don't know." "Well, what's different?" "Well, I guess I was kinda new to being around humans before. And now I've seen a lot more, gotten to know people, seen what they're capable of and I guess I just realize how amazingly... screwed up they all are. I mean, really, really screwed up in a monumental fashion." "Oh." "And they have no purpose that unites them, so they just drift around, blundering through life until they die. Which they-they know is coming, yet every single one of them is surprised when it happens to them. They're incapable of thinking about what they want beyond the moment. They kill each other, which is clearly insane, and yet, here's the thing. When it's something that really matters, they fight. I mean, they're lame morons for fighting. But they do. They never... They never quit. And so I guess I will keep fighting, too.” - Joss Whedon

107. “Ten thousand women marched through the streets shouting, 'We will not be dictated to,' and went off and became stenographers.” - G.K. Chesterton

108. “So here were the facts: I felt possessive of her. Not in a romantic sort of way, but in a "hit her over the head, drag her off by the hair, and fuck her" way. Like she was my toy and I was keeping the other boys in the sandbox from playing with her. How sick was that? If she ever heard me admit to that, she would cut off my balls and feed them to me.” - Christina Lauren

109. “I want a Zero Tolerance policy on All The Patriarchal Bullshit.” - Caitlin Moran

110. “I know you do not care much for such revelries, but trust me—this one you will enjoy, Harry. You and I will sit at the high table, eating porpoise and swan, whilst we watch my male kinfolk eating humble pie!” - Sharon Kay Penman

111. “An Army is an instrument of government. It must be used in such a way that it furthers the interests of government. Otherwise what use is it? Only an extremely costly machine for......minting medals.” - Joe Abercrombie

112. “If you’re calling her a floozy, I’m by way of being a bit of a floozy myself.” “Oh, Jared,” said Kami, who was well aware of his romantic experience, or total lack thereof. “You are not.” “Well, I have floozy ambitions.” - Sarah Rees Brennan

113. “I had shaved my beard for her-a huge disappointment, because I’d enjoyed my three weeks looking like a bank robber.” - Jennifer Echols

114. “I shot him a look. "That bouncer was really big."His lips quirked. "Oh, Kitten, see, I try not to say bad things.""What?"The grin spread. "I would say size doesn't matter but it does. I would know." he winked, and I let out a disgusted groan. He laughed.” - Jennifer L. Armentrout

115. “I love making observations. That one is a classic example.” - Stephen Colbert

116. “As for 'too much description,' well, opinions differ. We write the books we want to read. And I want to read books that are richly textured and full of sensory detail, books that make me feel as if I am experiencing a story, not just reading it. Plot is only one aspect of telling a tale, and not the most important one. It is the journey that matters, not how fast you arrrive at the destination.That's my view, anyway. Others writers differ, of course. There are hundreds of books where everything is subordinate to advancing the plot, some of them quite fine, but my work has never been about that, and never will be.” - George R.R. Martin

117. “People!" she screamed. "There are people here! New people!” - Derek Landy

118. “All he wanted was enough time to consider all his options without being dragged into his household’s petty squabbles or being nagged by his wife about that damnable pilgrimage. Was that so much to ask?Apparently so, for he’d yet to find a peaceful moment at Caen, not with Marguerite sulking and Aimar lurking and Will acting put-upon and Geoff wanting to lay plans and Richard strutting around as if he were the incarnation of Roland and poor Tilda grieving over Maman’s absence and his father refusing to heed any voice but his own.” - Sharon Kay Penman

119. “Leo got up and brushed himself off. "I hate that guy". He offered Jason his arm like they should go skipping together."I`m Dylan. I`m so cool, I want to date myself, but I can`t figure out how! You want to date me instead? You`re so lucky!""Leo" Jason said "You`re weird” - Rick Riordan

120. “Conclusion: better to be a thinking monk than a postmodernthinker.” - Muriel Barbery

121. “Does Playboy still run fiction?”“I have absolutely no idea, Melinda,” he said, grinning.” - Robyn Carr

122. “It was a damned near-run thing, I must admit,' said Jack, modestly; then after a pause he laughed and said, 'I remember your using those very words in the old Bellerophon, before we had our battle.''So I did,' cried Dundas. 'So I did. Lord, that was a great while ago.''I still bear the scar,' said Jack. He pushed up his sleeve, and there on his brown forearm was a long white line.'How it comes back,' said Dundas; and between them, drinking port, they retold the tale, with minute details coming fresh to their minds. As youngsters, under the charge of the gunner of the Bellerophon, 74, in the West Indies, they had played the same game. Jack, with his infernal luck, had won on that occasion too: Dundas claimed his revenge, and lost again, again on a throw of double six. Harsh words, such as cheat, liar, sodomite, booby and God-damned lubber flew about; and since fighting over a chest, the usual way of settling such disagreements in many ships, was strictly forbidden in the Bellemphon, it was agreed that as gentlemen could not possibly tolerate such language they should fight a duel. During the afternoon watch the first lieutenant, who dearly loved a white-scoured deck, found that the ship was almost out of the best kind of sand, and he sent Mr Aubrey away in the blue cutter to fetch some from an island at the convergence of two currents where the finest and most even grain was found. Mr Dundas accompanied him, carrying two newly sharpened cutlasses in a sailcloth parcel, and when the hands had been set to work with shovels the two little boys retired behind a dune, unwrapped the parcel, saluted gravely, and set about each other. Half a dozen passes, the blades clashing, and when Jack cried out 'Oh Hen, what have you done?' Dundas gazed for a moment at the spurting blood, burst into tears, whipped off his shirt and bound up the wound as best he could. When they crept aboard a most unfortunately idle, becalmed and staring Bellerophon, their explanations, widely different and in both cases so weak that they could not be attempted to be believed, were brushed aside, and their captain flogged them severely on the bare breech. 'How we howled,' said Dundas. 'You were shriller than I was,' said Jack. 'Very like a hyena.” - Patrick O'Brian

123. “What the fuck is going on Lor? What the hell did you do last night? What did you say to Kacey? Who the hell is Blue Eyes and why is my car spray-painted with the word ‘asshole’?”Spray-paint? Oh dear God, what have I done?” - J.C. McClean

124. “Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it was the sausage-maker who disposed of the body.” - Mark Forsyth

125. “I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” - Emo Philips

126. “Time flies when you grow fangs and fur.” - Dianna Hardy