130 Funny Quotes For Laughter

Laughter is the best medicine, and there's no better way to bring a smile to your face than by enjoying some brilliantly funny quotes. Whether you're looking to brighten your own day or share a chuckle with friends, we've curated a collection of the top 130 funny quotes that are sure to tickle your funny bone. With a blend of wit, humor, and a touch of wisdom, these quotes are perfect for injecting a dose of joy into your daily routine. So sit back, relax, and prepare for a hearty laugh as you explore these delightful gems!

1. “The behavior of any bureaucratic organization can best be understood by assuming that it is controlled by a secret cabal of its enemies.” - Robert Conquest

2. “Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” - Phyllis Diller

3. “What the hell is that?" I laughed."It's my fox hat.""Your fox hat?""Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat.""Why are you wearing your fox hat?" I asked."Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox.” - John Green

4. “It's so trendy, almost bleeding to death. All the cool girls are doing it.” - Francine Pascal

5. “You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!!” - Bill Watterson

6. “I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” - Mark Twain

7. “I was of course discussing the book of Leviticus. I don't know why your mind is so filthy these days, Bingley.” - Marsha Altman

8. “STYLE IS NOT HOW YOU WRITE IT IS HOW YOUDO NOT WRITE LIKE ANYONE ELSE” - Charles Ghigna

9. “... but to remain historically accurate, I would have had to leave out an important question that I felt needed to be addressed, which is, 'What if Jesus had known kung fu?” - Christopher Moore

10. “I had a tumor. But it was great.” - David Rakoff

11. “First blood is mine.Last blood counts for more.--Artemis Entreri and Drizzt Do'Urden” - R.A. Salvatore

12. “Angelina leaned forward as Sara pulled Miki back to her, "You know what they say about curiosity? That it stabbed the annoying biker girl over and over and over again until she spit up blood.” - Shelly Laurenston

13. “If I let you go are you going to hit me again?”“What do you think?”“Then I’m not going to let you go.” - Sarah Mayberry

14. “Because there's no way on earth she's going to make it through college unless she grows some serious ovaries and turns this train wreck around” - Lisa McMann

15. “Whew,” he said. “You clean up good. You don’t look like the same girl.”She frowned right before she laughed. “Do women usually thank you for saying things like that?” - Robyn Carr

16. “Do I look like the kind of person who wastes time turning goats into pin cushions?” - L.J. Smith

17. “Save your explanations, I got some questions for you first and you'd better answer them!' [slurred Hellian.] 'With what?' [Banaschar] sneered. 'Explanations?' 'No. Answers. There's a difference-' 'Really? How? What difference?' 'Explanations are what people use when they need to lie. Y'can always tell those,'cause those don't explain nothing and then they look at you like they just cleared things up when really they did the opposite and they know it and you know it and they know you know and you know they know that you know and they know you and you know them and maybe you go out for a pitcher later but who picks up the tab? That's what I want to know.' 'Right, and answers?' 'Answers is what I get when I ask questions. Answers is when you got no choice. I ask, you tell. I ask again, you tell some more. Then I break your fingers, 'cause I don't like what you're telling me, because those answers don't explain nothing!” - Steven Erikson

18. “Venice is beautiful, but like a Bergman movie is beautiful; you can admire it, but you don't really want to live in it.” - Elizabeth Gilbert

19. “Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use. ” - Wendell Johnson

20. “It wasn't that Nanny Ogg sang badly. It was just that she could hit notes which, when amplified by a tin bath half full of water, ceased to be sound and became some sort of invasive presence.” - Terry Pratchett

21. “I hung up the phone, jubilant, and threw myself into a wall, then pretended to be getting electrocuted. I do this when I'm very happy.” - Dave Eggers

22. “Want a little cheese with that whine, maestro?” - Madeleine Urban & Abigail Roux

23. “Stick." I said in Russian. I had no clue what the word for stake was. I pointed at the silver ring I wore and made a slashing motion. "Stick. where?" He stared at me in utter confusion and then asked in perfect English, "why are you talking like that?” - Richelle Mead

24. “Her lips full and inviting, she has an infectious laugh and glassy cackle in her eyes, and a 2000 volt sexual charisma that beckons me like a fluff girl on scuffed knees.” - Brett Tate

25. “All I could determine was that it must have been a nice thing to see if it was a house you were thinking about moving into. But not so nice if it was the house you were moving out from. I could practically hear Mr Collins, who had taught my fifth-grade English class and was still the most intimidating teacher I'd ever had, yelling at me. "Amy Curry," I could still hear him intoning, "never end a sentence with a preposition!" Irked that after six hears he was still mentally correcting me, I told the Mr. Collins in my head to off fuck.” - Morgan Matson

26. “Advice to explorers everywhere: if you would like to recieve due credit for your discoveries, keep a detailed account of your journeys as Columbus did. On Septemeber 28, 1492, after four weeks at sea, he writes: Dear diary...I means journal. Yes, dear journal. That's what I meant to say. Whew. Anyway, we have yet to discover America, and the crew has become increasingly rebellious. I have decided to turn back if we have not spotted it by Columbus Day. Will write again later if not killed by crew. P.S. Last night's buffet was fabulous, the ice sculptures magnificent.” - Cuthbert Soup

27. “I am your Prince and you will marry me," Humperdinck said.Buttercup whispered, "I am your servant and I refuse.""I am you Prince and you cannot refuse.""I am your loyal servant and I just did.""Refusal means death.""Kill me then.” - William Goldman

28. “Whatever would give you the idea that I'm her damn brother?” - Jeaniene Frost

29. “We look forward to seeing all of your Vaseline coated smiles terribly soon.” - Gitty Daneshvari

30. “You've read half the books in this house? This whole house?" "Well, approximately half." Sticky said. "To be more accurate, I suppose I've read more like" - his eyes went up as he calculated - "three sevenths? Yes, three sevenths." "Only three sevenths?" said Kate, pretending to look disappointed. "And here I was prepared to be impressed.” - Trenton Lee Stewart

31. “You know how teachers tell you the magic word is 'please'? That's not true. The magic word is 'puke'. It will get you out of class faster than anything else.” - Rick Riordan

32. “Dana was what Steve called a "silent partner" in the Brixton Brothers Detective Agency. Being a silent partner meant that Dana didn't carry a business card, that his name didn't appear on the company letterhead, and he wanted nothing to do with the Brixton Brothers Detective Agency.” - Mac Barnett

33. “So what do you think the physical effect was?"Roman Laughed. "Buddy," he said, "she was tripping.” - Jodi Picoult

34. “When Eve ate the apple her knowledge increased. But God liked dumb women so Paradise ceased. Gwen Goodnight. Her Work.” - Jennifer Crusie

35. “I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.” - Ellen DeGeneres

36. “There was a small wooden gazebo built out over the water; Isabelle was sitting in it, staring out across the lake. She looked like a princess in a fairy tale, waiting at the top of her tower for someone to ride up and rescue her. Not that traditional princess behavior was like Isabelle at all. Isabelle with her whip and boots and knives would chop anyone who tried to pen her up in a tower into pieces, build a bridge out of the remains, and walk carelessly to freedom, her hair looking fabulous the entire time.” - Cassandra Clare

37. “Its Batteries! I just know it!” - Alison

38. “Fredrika Bimm, what do you think you're doing?""Freaking out. Losing my mind. Thinking about snapping your husband's spine. Squashing the urge to vomit. Wishing I had died at childbirth.""Oh, you say that when you don't get a prize in your Lucky Charms.” - MaryJanice Davidson

39. “I walked in on my folks doing it doggy style less than four hours ago.""Waitress!" Jonas screamed, clicking his fingers madly. "Bring two!" then, more quietly,"You want a neck massage? A bedtime story? A bullet in the ear?” - MaryJanice Davidson

40. “Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?” - Janet Evanovich

41. “A fit, healthy body—that is the best fashion statement” - Jess C. Scott

42. “Cole, for Christ's sake, will you stop staring at me like I'm beefcake of the month?” - Simon Holt

43. “Mardi Gras, baby. Mardi Gras. Time when all manner of weird shit cuts loose and parties down.” - Sherrilyn Kenyon

44. “You know, there are just some things you never expect to face even on this job. A flying primate that shoots fire out its nose is one of them.” - Sherrilyn Kenyon

45. “Rose's work of art took her all day, including two playtimes, story time, and most of lunch.At the end of school it was stolen from her by the wicked teacher who had pretended to be so interested."Beautiful- what-is-it?" she asked as she pinned it high on the wall, where Rose could not reach."They take your pictures," said Indigo,... when he finally made out what all the roaring and stamping was about. "They do take them.... Why do you want that picture so much?" he asked Rose."It was my best ever," said Rose furiously. "I hate school. I hate everyone in it. I will kill them all when I'm big enough.""You can't just go round killing people," Indigo told her...” - Hilary McKay

46. “Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick.” - Carroll Bryant

47. “Silena appeared out of the woods, her sword drawn. Her Aphrodite armour was pink and red, colour coordinated to match her clothes and makeup. She looked like Guerilla Warfare Barbie.” - Rick Riordan

48. “Grover: It’s a very sweet love story. I get misty-eyed every time I play it. So does Percy, but I think that’s because he’s laughing at me.” - Rick Riordan

49. “If you want to change the world, just change yourself. The world needs traitors.” - Bauvard

50. “Jace said that the cast of Gilligan's Island could do something anatomically unlikely with themselves.” - Cassandra Clare

51. “You don’t understand,’ I said. ‘I need to be with her. With every fibre of my being I ache for her. I’m in love.’‘I do understand,’ said Zoran. ‘It was same for me with Mrs Zoran when I first meet her. But the feeling goes away after few hours.” - Doug MacLeod

52. “Don’t be hating on my peacock. It’s just not right. - Kye” - Krista Alasti

53. “Are you sure you can't dematerialize? Not even a little?" "I'm sure.” - Lauren Oliver

54. “Only love will attract love.”~ Amunhotep El Bey” - Amunhotep El Bey

55. “It's not just the cheerleading thing I have a problem with, it's the whole jock enchilada. I'm all for a good game of basketball in teh driveway or a killer bike ride. But when there's tackling and grunting involved-- no thanks.” - Linda Ellerbee

56. “Lia let out a low growl and moved her arrow to the base of his fat throat. "What do you think, Gabi? Would you like to see these nuptials through?""Not this day," I said"How about on the morrow?" Marcello asked, smiling and lifting my hand to his lips. "If I am your groom?""Hold that eHarmony thought," Lia whispered in English. "We gotta get out of here.” - Lisa Tawn Bergren

57. “If fucking up is power, I should be the Hulk by now.” - Richard Kadrey

58. “I know who I am. Bloody hell, I'm getting enough bills for Karl Pilkington so I hope I am him, 'cos if I'm not, I have no idea who I'm paying for.” - Karl Pilkington

59. “Goodfellow snickered."Wouldn't be any fun if we didn't run into some sort of catastrophe." Pulling his dagger ,he waved me on."After you,your highness.Puck to Ash” - Julie Kagawa

60. “Claire found herself staring at his feet, which were in bunny slippers. Myrnin looked down. "What?" he asked. "They're quite comfortable." He lifted on to look at it, and the ears wobbled in the air. "Of course they are," she said. Just when she thought Myrnin was getting his mental act together, he'd do something like that. Or maybe he was just messing with her. He liked to do that, and his dark eyes were fixed on her now, assessing just how weirded-out she was. Which, on the grade scale of zero to Myrnin, wasn't much.” - Rachel Caine

61. “I love the world, just, you know...not the people in it.” - Hannah Vandegrift

62. “I may not always be right, but when I am, I admit it” - Ken Murray

63. “She put her hand on her hip. "Where are you going?""To the boat. You called me Lord Bill again. That means we're cool."Cerise slapped her forehead with the heel of her hand and followed him.” - Ilona Andrews

64. “But Amy," Elder says. "Space suits!” - Beth Revis

65. “Stupid Romanian bloodsucker. He was lucky I hadn't bestowed another exalted scar on his imperial body.” - Beth Fantaskey

66. “She tried to smile sympathetically, but with her face it wasn't quite possible.” - Anthony Horowitz

67. “This is no time for drinking a mug of water - which you would do nowhere else in the world. A mug of water! You just don't drink water from mugs, do ya? Except on the telly. Water out of a mug! Should be a hot drink... mug of water.” - Russell Brand

68. “Headline?" he asked."'Swing Set Needs Home,'" I said."'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'" he said."'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'" I said.” - John Green

69. “"Joss""What?""What?" Dylan asked back."You just said my name.""No I didn't""Sorry that was me."I sat up, banging my head on the roof. "Who is that?""Hey, stay down here where the air is good, okay?" Dylan pulled me gently back down. "Hows your head?""Not good, I think.""Um, okay, so you here me. Heather's right, you do think loud. I mean, I've never heard you before, but my Talent seems to be a lot more selective than her's. But now that she's got me turned in to you-""Who are you?""It's still me, Marshall. It's Dylan. I'm right here.""My name's Joel.""Joel?""Joss, what are you talking about?" He took my face in his hands. "Who's Joel?""The voice in my head, I guess.""Jesus.” - Susan Bischoff

70. “While we’re at it, why don’t we add a third emotion to this list: lust. You are probably unaware that Linnaeus lumped the tomato into the same genus as the potato, a food with a reputation for its widespread availability and easy satisfaction of oral needs.” - Benson Bruno

71. “She made an impatient noise. "By the Angel, you don't know anything about your kid, do you? Do you even really know how vampires are made?""Well, when a mommy vampire and a daddy vampire love each other very much ... ” - Cassandra Clare

72. “(The Mona Lisa), that really is the ugliest portrait I’ve seen, the only thing that supposedly makes it famous is the mystery behind it,” Katherine admitted as she remembered her trips to the Louvre and how she shook her head at the poor tourists crowding around to see a jaundiced, eyebrow-less lady that reminded her of tight-lipped Washington on the dollar bill. Surely, they could have chosen a better portrait of the First President for their currency?” - E.A. Bucchianeri

73. “What did you think of him?" Cade asked."Give me some credit," Zach said. "Guy’s more full of shit than a duck pond.” - Christopher Farnsworth

74. “If you're funny, if there's something that makes you laugh, then every day's going to be okay.” - Tom Hanks

75. “David tells me that fairies never say 'We feel happy': what they say is, 'We feel dancey'.” - J.M. Barrie

76. “Feeling unable to maintain this detachment of attitude towards human- and, in especial, matrimonial- affairs, I asked whether it was not true that she had married Bob Duport. She nodded; not exactly conveying, it seemed to me, that by some happy chance their union had introduced her to an unexpected terrestrial paradise.” - Anthony Powell

77. “The moonlight caught the glint of his lip ring, which he was now fondling with the tip of his tongue as he stared down at me. It was a bit awkward.” - Holly Hood

78. “Let’s put to rest one cliché. You can sell refrigerators to Eskimos. The people of Savoonga are Yupiks, the westernmost of the Eskimo tribes, closer to Siberians than American Eskimos in their appearance, and their customs, and their distinctive, liquidly sibilant native language. And, yes, they all have refrigerators. In the winter, food gets freezer burn if left out in the elements. Eskimos need refrigerators to keep their food warm.” - Gene Weingarten

79. “New Yorkers, I figured, just pretended to be unfriendly.” - Jeannette Walls

80. “You're not just doing that to impress her, are you?""Everything I do is to impress her. It's my mission in life," he said with a completely serious face, while he squeezed my knee under the table. Mom burst out laughing. "I like him," she said."Me too. I think I'll keep him," I said, taking his hand and twisting my fingers with his. "Good," he said, giving my hand a squeeze.” - Chelsea M. Cameron

81. “It is best one should quote what one doesn't understand at all in the language one knows the least” - Voltaire

82. “My body is tired as worn out rug, but my brain (if i had) is always full of curiosity, jumping around for seeking new funs. If they could learn how to be cooperative each others, my life could be way easier... sigh*” - Hiroko Sakai

83. “Amy Bellini and Sasha Tibbles traipsed down the aisle and wriggled into the back seat, Amy right next to me. Her damp brown hair flicked in my face as she turned to make herself more comfortable. I didn’t mind. I wouldn’t admit this to ANYONE, but I think she’s not quite as weird as the rest of the girls.” - Ferguson Fartworthy

84. “Use condoms; it’s wise not to gamble with your children's future.” - Bauvard

85. “If you turn into a hideous monster and I am sent to slay you, I will remember this and make it as painless as I can, out of respect for you.” - Jim Butcher

86. “Humor is not an end in itself, but a tool to understanding. A dense head must be tickled with an ax.” - Bauvard

87. “I know it’s technically goodwill to all men, but in my mind, I drop the men because that feels segregationist/elitist/sexist/generally bad ist.Goodwill shouldn’t be just for men. It should also apply to women and children, and all animals, even the yucky ones like subway rats. I’d evenextend the goodwill not just to living creatures but to the dearly departed, and if we include them, we might as well include the undead, thosesupposedly mythic beings like vampires, and if they’re in, then so are elves, fairies, and gnomes. Heck, since we’re already being so generous in ourbig group hug, why not also embrace those supposedly inanimate objects like dolls and stu” - Rachel Cohn

88. “He was discovered with his feet stuck to the ceiling in the bathroom with his head stuffed in the toilet...” - Orson Scott Card

89. “You honor our humble abode,' said Bean.'I do, don't I,' said Peter with a smile.” - Orson Scott Card

90. “If you fall, I'll be the there” - Floor

91. “Remind me to show you the latest e-mail from Courtney," he said now, kicking at a rock on the sidewalk. "You won't believe how many different incorrect ways she spelled hors d'oeuvres within the span of a single paragraph.” - Aimee Agresti

92. “You know what they say, Two pairs a company, cheese a croud” - Annoying Orange

93. “Shepley stomped into the apartment and slammed the door behind him. “She’s fucking impossible!” I kissed Travis on the cheek. “That’s my cue.” “Good luck,” Travis said. I slid in beside America, and she huffed. “He’s fucking impossible!” - Jamie McGuire

94. “And then we heard a branch break. It might have been a deer, but the Colonel busted out anyway. A voice directly behind us said, "Don't run, Chipper," and the Colonel stopped, turned around, and returned to us sheepishly.The Eagle walked toward us slowly, his lips pursed in disgust. He wore a white shirt and a black tie, like always.He gave each of us in turn the Look of Doom."Y'all smell like a North Carolina tobacco field in a wildfire," he said.We stood silent. I felt disproportionately terrible, like I had just been caught fleeing the scene of a murder.Would he call my parents?"I'll see you in Jury tomorrow at five," he announced, and then walked away. Alaska crouched down, picked up the cigarette she had thrown away, and started smoking again. The Eagle wheeled around, his sixth sense detecting Insubordination To Authority Figures. Alaska dropped the cigarette and stepped on it. The Eagle shook his head, and even though he must have been crazy mad, I swear to God he smiled. "He loves me," Alaska told me as we walked back to the dorm circle. "He loves all y'all, too. He just loves the school more. That's the thing. He thinks busting us is good for the school and good for us. It's the eternal struggle, Pudge. The Good versus the Naughty.""You're awfully philosophical for a girl that just got busted," I told her."Sometimes you lose a battle. But mischief always wins the war.” - John Green

95. “what’s meant for you will reach you in time, and if you embrace it with your arms wide open it might just stay with you forever and bless you with more happiness than you could ever envision.” - Jayde Scott

96. “You take the words in the sense which is most damaging to the argument.” - Plato

97. “Mussolini?” Leo frowned. “Wasn’t he like BFFs with Hitler?” - Rick Riordan

98. “Do you ride?"She smiled, her fingers lightly sliding around his ear. "Not since I hit that barn"Zach’s hands paused on her flesh. "You hit a barn?" "I had to avoid the cow” - Shelly Laurenston

99. “Mama operated under the assumption that I was eight years old and incapable of feeding myself. It was physically impossible for her to cross my threshold without some form of nourishment. She once offered me cheese and crackers from her while we were standing in my kitchen.” - Molly Harper

100. “Most of the people you read about being turned meet vamps in clubs or over the Internet...Ew, did you...?""Yes, I met a vampire on the Internet, went to his evil love den, and let him turn me, because I'm that brainless.” - Molly Harper

101. “Get the point?" I asked, offering the boys a triumphant smile.Gabriel, Zeb, and Dick stared at me, aghast. "What? Sarcastic postkill comeback. Isn't that what you're supposed to do in situations like this?Too harsh?” - Molly Harper

102. “A brick could create a clear winner in a fight if instead of fighting pillows against blankets, you fought bricks against blankets.” - Amy Riekhof

103. “I’ve always wanted to go out with a bang, that’s why I carry two bricks around with me wherever I go, so when I leave a room I clap them together.” - Nicole McKay

104. “He whipped the chair around and actually split one of the things in half with the impact, spilling the spray of blood that was reflective, like mercury.John bellowed, "Anyone else want to donate blood to chair-ity?"He ducked into the the door and bashed one monster right in the wig, screaming, "There's some dessert! With a chair-y on top!” - David Wong

105. “Several months ago there was a somewhat, in some people's eyes, relatively normal Cal--or by and large normal--the best he was able to be as half Auphe. Occasionally he did lose his shit, attacked and ate deer while on road trips through the woods, created massive holes in between dimensions to shove through malevolently murderous pucks, and once in a while ripped out an Auphe's throat with his teeth. He also opened a gate or two to save his friends, blew up an antihealer from the inside out to save the world, cleaned his guns while watching porn, and generally was a smart-ass to everyone.Normal.” - Rob Thurman

106. “That's why I always keep a handful of silver glitter in my pockets. If I get pushed into a conversational corner I throw the glitter into the air, and while the person I'm talking to is distracted, I run away. An additional benefit is that I look like a cool magician, so I've got that going for me.” - Jonathan Acuff

107. “Peaches found herself wondering if Mary, a tiny brunette with an unprepossessing manner and less than ‘stellar’ work ethics, had to play Where’s Waldo to find Steve’s dick beneath his gigantic waistline.” - A.T. Hicks

108. “Of course I do, Jack! You have to beLIEve me!” - Raymond Benson

109. “Artemis grit her teeth. "I need a favor. I have some hunting to do, alone. I need you to take my companions to Camp Half-Blood." "Sure Sis!" then he raised his hands in a "stop everything" gesture. "I feel a haiku comIng on." The Hunters all groaned. Apparently they'd met Apollo before. He cleared his throat and held up one hand dramatically. "Green grass breaks through snow.Artemis pleads for my help. I am so awesome.” - Rick Riordan

110. “I’m an idiot. I’m ten times an idiot. God, I could just die.” Then I forged ahead because the last comment was too close for comfort these days. “Not die die, as in not-breathing die, but die figuratively, if you know what I mean.” Lee was grinning.” - Kristen Ashley

111. “These boys need women who can take the heat without meltin’ like butter, and sometimes that heat is fiery. They need women who can give back their shit so they don’t walk all over ‘em and get bored out of their fucking skulls. And they need women who can go soft when the situation demands because they get hard knocks on a regular basis, sometimes literal y, and comin’ home to somethin’ soft is the only way to cope.” - Kristen Ashley

112. “You look angry," he said."You put me on hold.""For a very good reason.""You put me," she said very, very slowly, "on hold.” - Derek Landy

113. “Awesome.""Awesome squared.""Awesome cubed.""Awesome to the power of infinity.""The square root of awesome is-""-Asha." We finish at the same time and laugh.” - Hannah Harrington

114. “You see I've been taking these tests to tell when I'm ovulating and when I'm mostfertile. And well...it's now.""Oh, so you came up here for a fuck?"Emma cringed. "Do you always have to be so crude?"He chuckled. "I'm sorry. Would you prefer I call it an afternoon delight?" he teased.” - Katie Ashley

115. “He stepped back with exaggerated courtesy. But when I walked past him, he swatted my rump. Hard enough to sting.“You need to be more careful,” he growled. “Keep interfering in my business and you might get hurt.”I said sweetly as I continued to Jesse's room, “The last man who swatted me like that is rotting in his grave.”“I have no doubt about it.” His voice was more satisfied then contrite.” - Patricia Briggs

116. “The whole idea of losing one's virginity is kind of ridiculous. To lose something implies carelessness. A mistake that you can fix simply by recovering the lost object, like your cell phone or your glasses. Virginity is more like shedding something than losing it. As in, "Don't worry, Mom. You can call off the helicopters and police dogs. Turns out - get this - I didn't actually lose my virginity. I just cast it off somewhere between here and Monterey. Can you believe it? It could be anywhere by now, what with all that wind.” - Sarah Ockler

117. “The Shrink always warned me that carriers stay wracked with lifelong guilt. It's not an uplifting thing having turned lovers into monsters. We feel bad that we haven't turned into monsters ourselves--survivor's guilt, that's called. And we feel a bit stupid that we didn't notice our own symptoms earlier. I mean, I'd been sort of wondering why the Atkins diet was giving me night vision. But that hadn't seemed like something to worry about...” - Scott Westerfeld

118. “Graham's life is as tense as an overstretched simile.” - Zane Stumpo

119. “My heart started racing, not the bad kind of heart racing, like I'm going to die. But the good kind of heart racing, like, Hello, can I help you with something? If not, please step aside because I'm about to kick the shit out of life.” - Maria Semple

120. “We are the generation of Social Media, Our biggest Revolution is a Tweet of 141 Characters.” - Sandra Chami Kassis

121. “Even her pink bunny slippers seem to prick up their ears.Diary of a Penguin-napper (p. 15)” - Sally Harris

122. “Your mail could've waited." Daemon followed me into the kitchen. "What is it? Just books?"Grabbing the OJ from the fridge, I sighed. People who didn't heart books didn't understand.” - Jennifer L. Armentrout

123. “Así es. ¿Sabes?, Bianca di Angelo no es la única que tiene un hermano irritante. Ya va siendo hora de que conozcas a mi muy irresponsable gemelo. Apolo. - Artemisa.” - Rick Riordan

124. “Love is meant to be sipped, rather than chugged, like a glass of wine you drink strait from the bottle.
” - Dark Jar Tin Zoo

125. “Don't get stabbed. It makes everything awkward.” - Maureen Johnson

126. “I want to woo you with food now that I've wooed you with words, song, and the magic of my interpretive dance.” - Stacey Jay

127. “Yeah 220, 221 whatever it takes!" Michael Keaton character in "Mr. Mom” - Mark Buff

128. “Caine tried to roll to his feet, but something was jabbing him in the crouch. He shook off the stars and saw Edilio standing over him. Edilio had the business end of his automatic rifle in a very sensitive place. "If you move, Caine, I will shoot your balls off," Edilio said. "Toto?" "He will," Toto said, "Although he's not sure it will be just your balls.” - Michael Grant

129. “Merrill Krause - "My brothers have scared off just about any fellow who showed interest in getting to know me."Granny Lassiter - "Well, if a man can't stand up to those brothers of yours, you needn't even consider him. A man ought to be able to hold his own with his wife's family.” - Tracie Peterson

130. “What I don’t get is how this helps me. You two get superpowers, and I get what?”Cian smiled broadly. “You have a power, Meggie. You have a magical pussy. It was sleeping with you together that brought us into our power. That vagina of yours is pure gold, lover.” Meg gave Cian a playful shove and rolled her eyes while he and his brother had a good laugh.“Don’t go expecting to use it on anyone else,” Beck said as though the thought had suddenly occurred to him. “That only works on the two of us.”Meg walked up to him and gave him a saucy smile. “Yes, Beck, I was planning on opening up shop. I was going to hang a sign on the cottage door and charge for it.” - Sophie Oak