144 Witty And Clever Quotes

In a world that often moves at breakneck speed, taking a moment to enjoy a witty or clever quote can be a delightful pause in the daily grind. These succinct snippets of wisdom, humor, and insight have the power to inspire, entertain, and provoke thought, often with just a few well-chosen words. Whether you're looking for a dash of levity to brighten your day or a sharp perspective to spark conversation, this curated collection of the top 144 witty and clever quotes is sure to offer something for everyone. Dive in and discover how these timeless gems can add a touch of brilliance to your everyday life.

1. “Tact: the ability to describe others as they see themselves.” - Abraham Lincoln

2. “This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.” - Sid Ziff

3. “Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit.” - Oscar Wilde

4. “Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.” - Mark Twain

5. “Cheap editions of great books may be delightful, but cheap editions of great men are absolutely detestable” - Oscar Wilde

6. “If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about answers.” - Thomas Pynchon

7. “I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it.” - Flannery O'Connor

8. “The flesh is sad, alas, and I have read all the books.” - Stéphane Mallarme

9. “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the road less traveled by and they CANCELLED MY FRIKKIN' SHOW. I totally shoulda took the road that had all those people on it. Damn.” - Joss Whedon

10. “Brevity is the soul of wit.” - William Shakespeare

11. “There are two ways to dislike poetry: One is to dislike it; the other is to read Pope.” - Oscar Wilde

12. “Writing a book is like sliding down a rainbow! Marketing it is like trudging through a field of chewed bubblegum on a hot, sticky day.” - Betty Dravis

13. “Wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure.” - J.K. Rowling

14. “I have only made this letter longer because I have not had the time to make it shorter."(Letter 16, 1657)” - Blaise Pascal

15. “The world was my oyster but I used the wrong fork.” - Oscar Wilde

16. “I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else.” - G.K. Chesterton

17. “Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.” - Dorothy Parker

18. “My country, right or wrong,” is a thing that no patriot would think of saying except in a desperate case. It is like saying, “My mother, drunk or sober.” - G.K. Chesterton

19. “To have a viable civilization, people have to have a benign government, a semblance of education, spare time, imagination, and manners” - Jonathan Chamberlain Williams

20. “There is, I believe, in every disposition a tendency to some particular evil, a natural defect, which not even the best education can overcome.""And your defect is a propensity to hate everybody.""And yours," he replied with a smile, "is wilfully to misunderstand them.” - Jane Austen

21. “There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words."[Interview, The Paris Review, Summer 1956]” - Dorothy Parker

22. “You sounded like Dolly parton on helium."(After kristy lee cook of season 7 on american idol,sang her country rendition of the Beatles'"Eight Days A Week.)” - Simon Cowell

23. “It was like orderin a hamburger and getting only the buns"(After Brooke White of season 7 on american idol sang the song 'Hero'by Mariah Carey)” - Simon Cowell

24. “True Wit is Nature to advantage dress'dWhat oft was thought, but ne'er so well express'd;Something whose truth convinced at sight we find,That gives us back the image of our mind.As shades more sweetly recommend the light,So modest plainness sets off sprightly wit.” - Alexander Pope

25. “A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.” - Mark Twain

26. “In less than a year, the Bush administration will strut out of office, leaving the country in roughly the same condition a toddler leaves a diaper.” - Graydon Carter

27. “Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing.” - Joss Whedon

28. “I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.” - Mel Brooks

29. “I've been so thoroughly incorporated into the California culture that I practice meditation and go to a therapist, even though I always set a trap: during my meditation I invent stories to keep from being bored, and in therapy I invent stories to keep from boring the psychologist.” - Isabel Allende

30. “Don't let the muggles get you down.” - J.K. Rowling

31. “If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be—a Christian.” - Mark Twain

32. “One of the strongest natural proofs of the folly of hereditary right in kings, is, that nature disapproves it, otherwise, she would not so frequently turn it into ridicule by giving mankind an ass for a lion.” - Thomas Paine

33. “Yeah, well, wish in one hand, crap in the other, and see which fills up first” - S.A. Bodeen

34. “On some days you get what you want, and on others, you get what you need.” - Hunter S. Thompson

35. “[On Oscar Wilde:]"If, with the literate, I amImpelled to try an epigram,I never seek to take the credit;We all assume that Oscar said it.[Life Magazine, June 2, 1927]” - Dorothy Parker

36. “Lady Placida smiled. “History seldom takes note of serendipity when it records events. And from what I have heard, I suspect an argument could be made that you very much did earn the title.”“Many women have earned titles, Your Grace. It doesn't seem to have been a factor in whether or not they actually received them.”Lady Placida laughed. “True enough. But perhaps that is beginning to change.” She offered her hands. “It is a distinct pleasure to meet you, Steadholder.” - Jim Butcher

37. “They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit," Valkyrie said. China glanced at her. "They've obviously never met me.” - Derek Landy

38. “Give the People what they want - and they'll get what they deserve.” - The Kinks

39. “There is a monsterous deal of stupid quizzing, & common-place nonsense talked, but scarcely any wit.” - Jane Austen

40. “You remember having friends who used to lampoon the world so effortlessly, crouching at the verge of every joke and waiting to pounce on it, and you remember how they changed as they grew older and the joy of questioning everything slowly became transformed into the pain of questioning everything, like a star consuming its own core.” - Kevin Brockmeier

41. “The small amount of foolery wise men have makes a great show.” - William Shakespeare

42. “He lies down next to me.He says, 'You know - you have a face to die for/''Well, don't die,' I say, "we just met.” - Gwendoline Riley

43. “I spent the last Friday of summer vacation spreading hot, sticky tar across the roof of George Washington High. My companions were Dopey, Toothless, and Joe, the brain surgeons in charge of building maintenance. At least they were getting paid. I was working forty feet above the ground, breathing in sulfur fumes from Satan's vomitorium, for free.Character building, my father said.Mandatory community service, the judge said. Court-ordered restitution for the Foul Deed. He nailed me with the bill for the damage I had done, which meant I had to sell my car and bust my hump at a landscaping company all summer. Oh, and he gave me six months of meetings with a probation officer who thought I was a waste of human flesh.Still, it was better than jail.I pushed the mop back and forth, trying to coat the seams evenly. We didn't want any rain getting into the building and destroying the classrooms. Didn't want to hurt the school. No, sir, we sure didn't.” - Laurie Halse Anderson

44. “Don't explain computers to laymen. Simpler to explain sex to a virgin.” - Robert A. Heinlein

45. “You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.” - Dorothy Parker

46. “This was a lucky recollection -- it saved her from something like regret.” - Jane Austen

47. “Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs.” - Oliver Goldsmith

48. “What have you done to your hair?” Mom’s broken voice said, pinning me back to this tiny hospitalroom.“Holy shit!” Icka patted her head as if searching. “You think the nurse stole it? She looked shady.” - Phoebe Kitanidis

49. “After dinner, at five o’clock, the crew distributed folding canvas cots to the passengers, and each person opened his bed wherever he could find room, arranged it with the bedclothes from his petate, and set the mosquito netting over that. Those with hammocks hung them in the salon, and those who had nothing slept on the tablecloths that were not changed more than twice during the trip.” - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

50. “She would walk through the kitchen at any hour, whenever she was hungry, and put her fork in the pots and eat a little of everything without placing anything on a plate, standing in front of the stove, talking to the serving women, who were the only ones with whom she felt comfortable, the ones she got along with best.” - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

51. “I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.” - Mark Twain

52. “I'm myself, not a label.” - John Brunner

53. “Three,' reckoned the captain, 'ourselves make seven, counting Hawkins, here. Now, about honest hands?'Most likely Trelawney's own men," said the doctor; 'those he had picked up for himself, before he lit on Silver.'Nay,' replied the squire. 'Hands was one of mine.'I did think I could have trusted Hands,' added the captain.” - Robert Louis Stevenson

54. “Ack!" I said.Fearless master of the witty dialogue, that's me.” - Jim Butcher

55. “We sensible often resist intrusive love and its chaos practically, employing measures to prevent the former for fear of the latter. But for all our wit and work, that desperation for control also prevents the pure, transcendental freedom more often delivered by both.” - Tiffany Madison

56. “Being born in a stable does not make one a horse.” - Arthur Wellesley Wellington

57. “Do you like to slide?" His voice was eager.Stair rails! Did he suspect me? I forced a sigh. "No, Majesty. I'm terrified of heights.""Oh." His polite tone had returned."I wish I could enjoy it. This fear of heights is an affliction."He nodded, a show of sympathy but not much interest. I was losing him."Especially," I added, "as I've grown taller.” - Gail Carson Levine

58. “If I be waspish, best beware my sting.” - William Shakespeare

59. “Only one English word adequately describes his transformation of the islands from worthless to priceless: magical.” - Kurt Vonnegut

60. “Clever as the Devil and twice as pretty.” - Holly Black

61. “I wondered what he would have thought if he'd known that I'd gleaned most of my information from reading historical romance novels.” - Nicole Luiken

62. “Let me be clear. Last I was aware you were neither my husband nor my father nor my King. Therefore, any control you may imagine you hold over me is just that- imaginary” - Sarah MacLean

63. “Men are not nearly as evolved as women are, nor as intelligent, evidently” - Sarah MacLean

64. “Life is not easy. We all have problems-even tragedies-to deal with, and luck has nothing to do with it. Bad luck is only the superstitious excuse for those who don't have the wit to deal with the problems of life. ” - Joan Lowery Nixon

65. “Mathilde returned and strolled past the drawing-room windows; she saw him busily engaged in describing to Madame de Fervaques the old ruined castles that crown the steep banks of the Rhine and give them so distinctive a character. He was beginning to acquit himself none too badly in the use of the sentimental and picturesque language which is called wit in certain drawing-rooms.” - Stendhal

66. “Never ask while you are doing it if what you are doing is fun. Don't introduce even your most reliably witty acquaintance as someone who will set the table on a roar.” - Christopher Hitchens

67. “He had a reputation in society as a man with a lively wit, whose gaiety was pleasant and formidable – which all gaiety must be in a society which would despise you if, while amusing it, you did not make it tremble a little. ("A Woman's Vengeance")” - Jules Barbey d'Aurevilly

68. “Here comes Mamma Vauquerr, fair as a starrr; and strung up like a bunch of carrots. Aren't we suffocating ourselves a wee bit?' he asked, placing a hand on the top of her corset. 'A bit of a crush in the vestibule, here, Mamma! If we start crying, there'll be an explosion. Never mind, I'll be there to collect the bits--just like an antiquary.''Now, there's the language of true French gallantry,' murmured Madame Vauquer in an aside to Madame Couture.” - Honoré de Balzac

69. “He had had much experience of physicians, and said 'the only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not'.” - Mark Twain

70. “It's common platitude that knowledge is neutral but every now and then it would be useful if it was on your side and not theirs.” - John Brunner

71. “Brevity is the soul of wit.” - Alexander Pope

72. “Nothing evokes the prurient like puritanism.” - Christopher Moore

73. “He remembered having said to his uncle (with a solemn dogmatism better befitting a much younger man): "Surely it is possible to love with the head as well as the heart." Mr. Delagardie had replied, somewhat drily: "No doubt; so long as you do not end by thinking with your entrails instead of your brain.” - Dorothy L. Sayers

74. “A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.” - Oscar Wilde

75. “Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching.” - Oscar Wilde

76. “I had such plans for this evening. The pursuit of blind drunkenness and wayward women was my goal. But alas, it was not to be. No sooner had I consumed my third drink in the Devil than I was accosted by a delightful small flower selling child who asked me for twopence for a daisy. The price seemed steep, so I refused. When I told the girl as much, she proceeded to rob me.”“A little girl robbed you?” Tessa said.“Actually, she wasn’t a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress with a penchant for violence, who goes by the name of Six-Fingered Nigel.” - Cassandra Clare

77. “I would rather be able to appreciate things I cannot have than to have things I am not able to appreciate.” - Elbert Hubbard

78. “There is not a man of common sense who would not chuse to be agreeable in company; and yet, strange as it may seem, very few are” - The Town and Country Magazine. vol. 11, 1779

79. “One says the things which one feels the need to say, and which the other will not understand: one speaks for oneself alone.” - Marcel Proust

80. “Caro: "Bite me."Ruby: "I gave that up in kindergarten.” - Kristin Hannah

81. “You know, you're rather amusingly wrong.” - Terry Pratchett

82. “-Oh yes? Can you identify yourself?-Certainly. I'd know me anywhere.” - Terry Pratchett

83. “(About a cookbook...)- What about this one? Maids of Honor?- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts.” - Terry Pratchett

84. “A poet should be so crafty with words that he is envied even for his pains.” - Criss Jami

85. “For a poet he threw a very accurate milk bottle.” - Ernest Hemingway

86. “He had let me know time after time that he was a thinking man, a man of intellect and wit. Yet one unintended hungry look into my eyes and he betrayed each of his words he had carefully spoken to me. I knew it in that instant. He was a viscerally driven man. And one day, he would possess me.” - Jamie Weise

87. “When you have wit of your own, it's a pleasure to credit other people for theirs.” - Criss Jami

88. “Vivid simplicity is the articulation, the nature of genius. Wisdom is greater than intelligence; intelligence is greater than philosobabble.” - Criss Jami

89. “I did not know that mankind were suffering for want of gold. I have seen a little of it. I know that it is very malleable, but not so malleable as wit. A grain of gold will gild a great surface, but not so much as a grain of wisdom.” - Henry David Thoreau

90. “Yes, I'm shallow, I don't mind admitting it. Perhaps I should admit that there's no end to the depths of my shallowness.” - Franny Billingsley

91. “Big words from a guy who's trussed up like a turkey. What are you going to do, wobble over here like an upside- down turtle to snap me in half?""The logistics of breaking you are easy. The only question is when.” - Susan Ee

92. “Paparazzi arrived for Hugh [Grant]. We had to stand under a tree and smile for them.Photographer: 'Hugh, could you look less -- um --'Hugh: 'Pained?” - Emma Thompson

93. “Dearest creature in creation,Study English pronunciation.I will teach you in my verseSounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.I will keep you, Suzy, busy,Make your head with heat grow dizzy.Tear in eye, your dress will tear.So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.Just compare heart, beard, and heard,Dies and diet, lord and word,Sword and sward, retain and Britain.(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)Now I surely will not plague youWith such words as plaque and ague.But be careful how you speak:Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;Cloven, oven, how and low,Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.Hear me say, devoid of trickery,Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,Exiles, similes, and reviles;Scholar, vicar, and cigar,Solar, mica, war and far;One, anemone, Balmoral,Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;Gertrude, German, wind and mind,Scene, Melpomene, mankind.Billet does not rhyme with ballet,Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.Blood and flood are not like food,Nor is mould like should and would.Viscous, viscount, load and broad,Toward, to forward, to reward.And your pronunciation’s OKWhen you correctly say croquet,Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,Friend and fiend, alive and live.Ivy, privy, famous; clamourAnd enamour rhyme with hammer.River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,Doll and roll and some and home.Stranger does not rhyme with anger,Neither does devour with clangour.Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,And then singer, ginger, linger,Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.Query does not rhyme with very,Nor does fury sound like bury.Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.Though the differences seem little,We say actual but victual.Refer does not rhyme with deafer.Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.Mint, pint, senate and sedate;Dull, bull, and George ate late.Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,Science, conscience, scientific.Liberty, library, heave and heaven,Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.We say hallowed, but allowed,People, leopard, towed, but vowed.Mark the differences, moreover,Between mover, cover, clover;Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,Chalice, but police and lice;Camel, constable, unstable,Principle, disciple, label.Petal, panel, and canal,Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,Senator, spectator, mayor.Tour, but our and succour, four.Gas, alas, and Arkansas.Sea, idea, Korea, area,Psalm, Maria, but malaria.Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.Doctrine, turpentine, marine.Compare alien with Italian,Dandelion and battalion.Sally with ally, yea, ye,Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.Say aver, but ever, fever,Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.Heron, granary, canary.Crevice and device and aerie.Face, but preface, not efface.Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.Large, but target, gin, give, verging,Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.Ear, but earn and wear and tearDo not rhyme with here but ere.Seven is right, but so is even,Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.Pronunciation (think of Psyche!)Is a paling stout and spikey?Won’t it make you lose your wits,Writing groats and saying grits?It’s a dark abyss or tunnel:Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,Islington and Isle of Wight,Housewife, verdict and indict.Finally, which rhymes with enough,Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?Hiccough has the sound of cup.My advice is to give up!!!” - Gerard Nolst Trenité

94. “[I]f you seek in every way to minimise my firm beliefs by your anti-feminist attacks, please recall that a small dagger or knife point can pierce a great, bulging sack and that a small fly can attack a great lion and speedily put him to flight.” - Christine de Pizan

95. “[S]ince you are angry at me without reason, you attack me harshly with, "Oh outrageous presumption! Oh excessively foolish pride! Oh opinion uttered too quickly and thoughtlessly by the mouth of a woman! A woman who condemns a man of high understanding and dedicated study, a man who, by great labour and mature deliberation, has made the very noble book of the Rose, which surpasses all others that were ever written in French. When you have read this book a hundred times, provided you have understood the greater part of it, you will discover that you could never have put your time and intellect to better use!" My answer: Oh man deceived by willful opinion! I could assuredly answer but I prefer not to do it with insult, although, groundlessly, you yourself slander me with ugly accusations. Oh darkened understanding! Oh perverted knowledge ... A simple little housewife sustained by the doctrine of Holy Church could criticise your error!” - Christine de Pizan

96. “In fact, Lig never formally resigned his editorship—he merely left his office late one morning, and has never returned since. Though well over a century has now passed, many members of the Guide staff still retain the romantic notion that he has simply popped out for a sandwich and will yet return to put in a solid afternoon's work. Strictly speaking, all editors since Lig Lury Jr., have therefore been designated acting editors, and Lig's desk is still preserved the way he left it, with the addition of a small sign that says LIG LURY, JR., EDITOR, MISSING, PRESUMED FED.” - Douglas Adams

97. “One can have a wit, but not a witless” - Brandon Sanderson

98. “Twelve dead?” I said. “Jesus.” - Dennis Lehane

99. “His foe was folly and his weapon wit.” - Anthony Hope

100. “You would wind up as a cat, I told her. They don't need anyone else. I need you, she replied.Well, I said. Maybe I'll come back as catnip.” - Jodi Picoult

101. “He wasn't aware of it but when he smiled he looked like an amiable bear. When he didn't smile he didn't look amiable” - Emma Goldrick

102. “His father was an ass and he is an ass. I imagine sooner than I should like I shall be playing uncle to a litter of asses.” - T. A. Miles

103. “Someone once told me that we move when it becomes less painful than staying where we are".” - Anne Hines

104. “You can con God and get away with it, Granny said, if you do so with charm and wit. If you live your life with imagination and verve, God will play along just to see what outrageously entertaining thing you'll do next.” - Dean Koontz

105. “You're maybe eighteen. Your mother didn't love you enough so you decided to pierce your lip and brand your body to piss her off. You hang around this band because they make you feel like you belong. And most days you wish you were in a band of your own, but you know that probably will never happen." I met his eyes waiting.I'm twenty. my mother has an assload of tattoos herself, she thinks its art. I have a lip ring because it turns girls on when I do this." He licked his lip, lingering on the metal for a couple intense seconds. My eyes fluttered with nervousness.” - Holly Hood

106. “The best way to measure the loss of intellectual sophistication - this "nerdification," to put it bluntly - is in the growing disappearance of sarcasm, as mechanic minds take insults a bit too literally.” - Nassim Nicholas Taleb

107. “Wit seduces by signaling intelligence without nerdiness.” - Nassim Nicholas Taleb

108. “When I need some striking inspiration about deep depression for my new painting, I just need to go to check my bank account...” - Hiroko Sakai

109. “Wealth can be created. Wit and intelligence can't.” - Nicole Williams

110. “When I'm in love, I can't stand anyone.” - Stefano Benni

111. “The distrust of wit is the beginning of tyranny.” - Edward Abbey

112. “Soar with wit. Conquer with dignity. Handle with care.” - Criss Jami

113. “It was a very proper wedding. The bride was elegantly dressed---the two bridemaids were duly inferior---her father gave her away---her mother stood with salts in her hand expecting to be agitated---her aunt tried to cry--- and the service was impressively read by Dr. Grant.” - Jane Austen

114. “The bristling eyebrows shot up in mock surprise. Mesmerized, the boy watched them disappear under the hanging thatch of white hair. There, almost coyly, they remained just out of sight for a moment, before suddenly descending with a terrible finality and weight.” - Jonathan Stroud

115. “A witty saying proves nothing.” - Voltaire

116. “I have a different idea of elegance. I don't dress like a fop, it's true, but my moral grooming is impeccable. I never appear in public with a soiled conscience, a tarnished honor, threadbare scruples, or an insult that I haven't washed away. I'm always immaculately clean, adorned with independence and frankness. I may not cut a stylish figure, but I hold my soul erect. I wear my deeds as ribbons, my wit is sharper then the finest mustache, and when I walk among men I make truths ring like spurs.” - Edmond Rostand

117. “Wit, after all, is the unfailing symptom of intelligence.” - Christopher Hitchens

118. “Snobbery might sometimes look cool, like smoking, but the end result is usually a repelling one.” - Trent Zelazny

119. “You judge very properly, and it is happy for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing attentions proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are the result of previous study?” - Jane Austen

120. “Well, well," said he, "do not make yourself unhappy. If you are a good girl for the next ten years, I will take you to a review at the end of them.” - Jane Austen

121. “If water was beer I'd be a teetotaler” - Benny Bellamacina

122. “Steven dreamed of you the very secondyou died(So the poem goes)and you may have visited himBut I'm pretty sure you don't believein poems” - Jon Paul Fiorentino

123. “What is whiter than snow?' he said. 'The truth,' said Grania.'What is the best colour?' said Finn. 'The colour of childhood,' said she.'What is hotter than fire?' 'The face of a hospitable man when he sees a stranger coming in, and the house empty.''What has a taste more bitter than poison?' 'The reproach of an enemy.''What is best for a champion?' 'His doings to be high, and his pride to be low.''What is the best of jewels?' 'A knife.''What is sharper than a sword?' 'The wit of a woman between two men.''What is quicker than the wind?' said Finn then. 'A woman’s mind,' said Grania. And indeed she was telling no lie when she said that.” - Augusta Gregory

124. “I am a master of foolhardy plans.” - Megan Whalen Turner

125. “Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.” - Demetri Martin

126. “Thought and knowledge are natures in which apparatus and pretension avail nothing. Gowns, and pecuniary foundations, though of towns of gold, can never countervail the least sentence or syllable of wit. Forget this, and out American colleges will recede in their public importance whilst they grow richer every year.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

127. “We both smile at the classic misunderstanding. It’s all so cliché-ridden, it’s embarrassing. I wish our story could have some more original twists and turns. Maybe one of us will turn into a vampire or something.” - Stacy Kramer

128. “You can tell a really wonderful quote by the fact that it's attributed to a whole raft of wits.” - Anna Quindlen

129. “When a man in a forest thinks he is going forward in a straight line, in reality he is going in a circle, I did my best to go in a circle, hoping to go in a straight line.” - Samuel Beckett

130. “I would have grown up to be a gentleman adventurer if I were more of a gentleman.” - Alex Potvin

131. “Good madonna, give me leave toprove you a fool.” - William Shakespeare

132. “Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

133. “She was widely read enough to appreciate my literary wit but not so widely read that she knew my sources. I like that in a woman.” - David Mitchell

134. “Hello, I am Oscar Wilde” - Oscar Wilde

135. “I'm living so far beyond my means that we may almost be said to be living apart.” - Saki

136. “I was going to write a sharp witty email full of devastating one-liners but I suspect you want something nicer than that” - Lucy Robinson

137. “I'm eating a massive pastrami sandwich. It's so beautiful I might cry. Just so you know.” - Lucy Robinson

138. “I am back in London in a couple of days and looking forward to Sunday. Here is what we are doing. 1. Going to see my favourite mad transgender folk singer at the Roundhouse. 2. Then I am going to feed you tapas in a little place by Mornington Crescent. 3. Then we will go home in opposite directions and I will stare at my silent phone for weeks, wondering what happened. Or we will go for a dirty hump on Primrose Hill. Or maybe we will just have an awkward kiss/hug loaded with the promise of more next time.  ” - Lucy Robinson

139. “How do you feel about going on a date with me? I'm abroad for another two weeks; you've got plenty of time to prepare yourself. It will be the best night of your life, of course.” - Lucy Robinson

140. “conservative n.A person who possesses an underdeveloped taste for tyranny.liberal n.A person who believes in liberty, but only for the state.” - Leslie Starr O'Hara

141. “preemptive strike n.A blow or punch delivered by military aircraft to a target who is suspected of being adverse to one's plot for world domination.” - Leslie Starr O'Hara

142. “terrorism n.Violence for political purposes or the politically motivated threat of violence which, either intentionally or unintentionally, challenges the state's monopoly on political violence.” - Leslie Starr O'Hara

143. “You want me to invite him to dinner.” “I want you to invite him to dinner,” she agreed. “You know,” he said, “most gay men don’t have mothers who are this enthusiastic about their love lives.” “That’s probably true,” she said. “You’re one of the lucky ones.” - Matthew Haldeman-Time

144. “Jordan, there isn't a straight woman or gay man alive who wouldn't drop everything to have dinner with you. I've been in this business for all of my life, and I know the difference between people who pretend to like you to get ahead, and people who are actually interested in getting to know you. Patrick wants to get to know you. Preferably naked, but that’s up to you.” “I can’t wait until you’re old enough to be senile and start saying these things in public.” “I’m very lucky to have such a loving son.” - Matthew Haldeman-Time