148 Satirical Quotes

In a world where humor often serves as the best remedy for life's absurdities, satire emerges as a powerful tool to critique, entertain, and provoke thought. Satirical quotes, with their clever wit and biting sarcasm, offer a unique lens through which we can view the quirks and follies of society. This collection of the top 148 satirical quotes brings together the sharp insights of some of the greatest minds who have used humor to challenge norms, question authority, and reflect on human nature. Whether you're seeking a laugh or a moment of introspection, these quotes promise to engage and inspire. Dive in and discover the brilliance that lies in satire.

1. “Man is an artifact designed for space travel. He is not designed to remain in his present biologic state any more than a tadpole is designed to remain a tadpole.” - William S. Burroughs

2. “Which of us is happy in this world? Which of us has his desire? or, having it, is satisfied?” - William Makepeace Thackeray

3. “It is proved...that things cannot be other than they are, for since everything was made for a purpose, it follows that everything is made for the best purpose.” - Voltaire

4. “The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

5. “Freddie experienced the sort of abysmal soul-sadness which afflicts one of Tolstoy's Russian peasants when, after putting in a heavy day's work strangling his father, beating his wife, and dropping the baby into the city's reservoir, he turns to the cupboards, only to find the vodka bottle empty.” - P.G. Wodehouse

6. “Welcome to Hell. Here's your accordion.” - Gary Larson

7. “I was trying to have an insight, and all I could think of was that I'd backed myself into a corner, and the corner was me.” - John Welter

8. “Ah! good Sir! no Whores before Dinner, I beseech you."[Love's Last Shift]” - Colley Cibber

9. “Oh well," McWatt sang, "what the hell.” - Joesph Heller

10. “The universe is a million billion light-years wide, and every inch of it would kill you if you went there. This is the position of the universe with regards to human life.” - Martin Amis

11. “He has the memory of a convict, the balls of a fireman, and the eyesight of a housebreaker. When there is crime to fight, Landsman tears around Sitka like a man with his pant leg caught on a rocket. It's like there's a film score playing behind him, heavy on the castanets. The problem comes in the hours when he isn't working, when his thoughts start blowing out the open window of his brain like pages from the blotter. Sometimes it takes a heavy paperweight to pin them down.” - Michael Chabon

12. “When asked, "Why do you always wear black?", he said, "I am mourning for my life.” - Anton Chekhov

13. “I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee or a ragout.” - Jonathan Swift

14. “The Truth Shall Make Ye Fret. [Fred. Free.]” - Terry Pratchett

15. “It was in this pub he'd learnt that, contrary to the belief of the majority of those laying bets, it is possible to flatten a hundred frogs with a hammer in less than thirty seconds. In short, it was a pub with a reputation. And very slimy walls.” - Tony McGuin

16. “A man is angry at a libel because it is false, but at a satire because it is true.” - G. K. Chesterton

17. “Were you terrified, Murgatroyd?" Murgatroyd nodded eagerly. "There you go, girl: You're a terrorist. You make me twitchy, and under Article Forty-One of the 2000 Terrorism Bill, that's all I need. Time for some reasonable force, I think.” - China Miéville

18. “There were people who believed their opportunities to live a fulfilled life were hampered by the number of Asians in England, by the existance of a royal family, by the volume of traffic that passed by their house, by the malice of trade unions, by the power of callous employers, by the refusal of the health service to take their condition seriously, by communism, by capitalism, by atheism, by anything, in fact, but their own futile, weak-minded failure to get a fucking grip.” - Stephen Fry

19. “Most men are not wicked... They are sleep-walkers, not evil evildoers.” - Franz Kafka

20. “It was madness to leave without your useless shit. You came in with it, you left with it--that was how it worked. What would you use to clutter a new office with if not your useless shit? We could remember Old Brizz with this box of useless shit, shifting the box from arm to arm as he talked with the building guy. Of course, Old Brizz never had an office again. His useless shit really was useless. He had cause to leave his useless shit behind. But his was a rare case. All things considered, it was better to take your useless shit with you.” - Joshua Ferris

21. “Our town was known for two things--no, three: salted fish, expertly dyed fabrics, and corruption.” - Angela Elwell Hunt

22. “Actors are so fortunate. They can choose whether they will appear in tragedy or in comedy, whether they will suffer or make merry, laugh or shed tears. But in real life it is different. Most men and women are forced to perform parts for which they have no qualifications. Our Guildensterns play Hamlet for us, and our Hamlets have to jest like Prince Hal. The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.” - Oscar Wilde

23. “Now we go in and take over," answered A. "It's our duty to help these people.” - Katerina Stoykova Klemer

24. “Satire's nature is to be one-sided, contemptuous of ambiguity, and so unfairly selective as to find in the purity of ridicule an inarguable moral truth.” - E. L. Doctorow

25. “Satirize wickedness if you must--but pity weakness.” - L.M. Montgomery

26. “My pen shall heal, not hurt.” - L.M. Montgomery

27. “Satire is enjoyable compensation for being forced to think.” - Edgar Johnson

28. “A satirist is never certain whether he/she will be acclaimed or punished.” - Edgar Johnson

29. “Satire is the antidote to Pollyanna and Dr. Pangloss. It focuses our gaze sharply upon the the contrast between things as they are and as they should be.” - Edgar Johnson

30. “Nobody could catch cold by the sea; nobody wanted appetite by the sea; nobody wanted spirits; nobody wanted strength. Sea air was healing, softening, relaxing -- fortifying and bracing -- seemingly just as was wanted -- sometimes one, sometimes the other. If the sea breeze failed, the seabath was the certain corrective; and where bathing disagreed, the sea air alone was evidently designed by nature for the cure.” - Jane Austen

31. “Right now, the economy is a whole lot like a fairly good-looking brain-dead chick in a persistent vegetative coma. You can't really wake her up, but there's things she's still good for.” - Cintra Wilson

32. “The wicked are wicked, no doubt, and they go astray and they fall, and they come by their deserts; but who can tell the mischief which the very virtuous do?” - William Makepeace Thackeray

33. “Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.” - Ambrose Bierce

34. “After riding like a moron all over the place, observes the face of an Indian when he crashes. He is stunned.” - Manu Joseph

35. “A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?” - Stephen Colbert

36. “I have actually known a case where a Woman has exterminated her whole household, and half an hour afterwards, when her rage was over and the fragments swept away, has asked what has become of her husband and her children.” - Edwin Abbott Abbott

37. “Also unfortunately, Congress is far too busy asking if baseball players are really as strong as they seem and trying to choke bankers with wads of cash to grant more funds to such trifling matters as the avoidance of space bullets, so they won't give NASA the money” - Robert Brockway

38. “Just for a while": Death's opening chat-up line in His great seduction, before he drugged you with soporific comforts, distracted you with minor luxuries and ensnared you with long-term payment plans.Join the Rat Race "just for a while."Concentrate on your career "just for a while."Move in with your girlfriend "just for a while."Find a bigger place, out in the burbs "just for a while."Lie down in that wooden box "just for a while.” - Christopher Brookmyre

39. “Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman” - Oscar Wilde

40. “But by what I have gathered from your own relation, and the answers I have with much pains wrung and extorted from you, I cannot but conclude the bulk of your natives to be the most pernicious race of odious vermin that nature ever suffered to crawl upon the surface of the earth.” - Johnathan Swift

41. “An Ass put on a Lion's skin and wentAbout the foreset with much merriment,Scaring the foolish beasts by brooks and rocks,Till at last he tried to scare the Fox. But Reynard, hearing from beneath the mane That Raucous voice so petulant and vain,Remarked. O' Ass, I too would run away,But that I know your old familiar bray'.That's just the way with asses, just the way.” - Aesop

42. “Great News! If you quit being cunty the whole world will stop being against you!” - Sarah Silverman

43. “Well-lit streets discourage sin, but don't overdo it.” - William Kennedy

44. “The Open Road goes to the used-car lot.” - Louis Simpson

45. “At least one way of measuring the freedom of any society is the amount of comedy that is permitted, and clearly a healthy society permits more satirical comment than a repressive, so that if comedy is to function in some way as a safety release then it must obviously deal with these taboo areas. This is part of the responsibility we accord our licensed jesters, that nothing be excused the searching light of comedy. If anything can survive the probe of humour it is clearly of value, and conversely all groups who claim immunity from laughter are claiming special privileges which should not be granted.” - Eric Idle

46. “Nothing can be more notorious than the calumnies and invectives with which the wisest measures and most virtuous characters of The United States have been pursued and traduced [By American Newspapers]” - Thurgood Marshall

47. “Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.” - Ambrose Bierce

48. “He burst into the house and ate Grandma, an entirely valid course of action for a carnivore such as himself.” - James Finn Garner

49. “The emperor is naked!"The parade stopped. The emperor paused. A hush fell over the crowd, until one quick-thinking peasant shouted:"No, he isn't. The emperor is merely endorsing a clothing-optional lifestyle!” - James Finn Garner

50. “As much as I think about sex, I can only with extreme difficulty conceive of myself actually performing the act. And here's another thing I wonder about. How could you ever look a girl in the eye after you've had your winkie up her wendell? I mean, doesn't that render normal social conversation impossible? Apparently not.” - C.D. Payne

51. “[...] with the protecting sky in all its splendour and the golden sun blazing forth against a backdrop of crystalline blue, to use the inspired words of a television reporter[...].” - José Saramago

52. “Tides are like politics. They come and go with a great deal of fuss and noise, but inevitably they leave the beach just as they found it. On those few occasions when major change does occur, it is rarely a good news.” - Jack McDevitt

53. “Theatres are curious places, magician's trick-boxes where the golden memories of dramtic triumphs linger like nostalgic ghosts, and where the unexplainable, the fantastic, the tragic, the comic and the absurd are routine occurences on and off the stage. Murders, mayhem, politcal intrigue, lucrative business, secret assignations, and of course, dinner.” - E.A. Bucchianeri

54. “He would be a consul no doubt by and by, at some foreign port, of the language of which he was ignorant; though if ignorance of language were a qualification he might have been a consul at home.” - Mark Twain

55. “As Samson demonstrated, going bald ruins lives.” - Brendan Jack

56. “And it's really very difficult to kill someone when all your inner instincts would oblige you to take off your hat first!” - Susan Kay

57. “-"He loved her...It was noble of him. It was beautiful."-"It was stupid.” - Lloyd Alexander

58. “You know, you're rather amusingly wrong.” - Terry Pratchett

59. “To think or not to think? That is the new question.” - Nadina Boun

60. “It is a foible of our human nature that when we have an extremely unpleasant experience, it gives us a peculiar satisfaction if it is “the biggest” of its disagreeable kind that has happened since the world began. During a heat wave, for instance, we are very pleased if the papers announce that it is “the highest temperature reached since the year 1881,” and we feel a little resentment towards the year 1881 for having gone us one better. Or if our ears are frozen till all the skin peels off, it fills us with a certain happiness to learn that “it was the hardest frost recorded since 1786.” It is just the same with wars. The war in progress is either the most righteous or the bloodiest, or the most successful, or the longest, since such and such a time; any superlative whatever always affords us the proud satisfaction of having been through something extraordinary and record-breaking.” - Karel Čapek

61. “No quality imparts apparent strength to its possessors more effectively than faith. From hospital beds to battlefields, it is the iron that strengthens a man to confront his destiny.” - Mike Corbett

62. “I am fashionably unimpressed with the material world. I am moved by the beauty of aspiration, and I hope that I can elevate myself to the standards I have imposed on others.” - Mike Corbett

63. “Their conversation ceased abruptly with the entry of an oddly-shaped man whose body resembled a certain vegetable. He was a thickset fellow with calloused and jaundiced skin and a patch of brown hair, a frizzy upheaval. We will call him Bell Pepper. Bell Pepper sidled up beside The Drippy Man and looked at the grilled cheese in his hand. The Drippy Man, a bit uncomfortable at the heaviness of the gaze, politely apologized and asked Bell Pepper if he would like one. “Why is one of your legs fatter than the other?” asked Bell Pepper. The Drippy Man realized Bell Pepper was not looking at his sandwich but towards the inconsistency of his leg sizes. “You always get your kicks pointing out defects?” retorted The Drippy Man. “Just curious. Never seen anything like it before.” “I was raised not to feel shame and hide my legs in baggy pants.” “So you flaunt your deformity by wearing short shorts?” “Like you flaunt your pockmarks by not wearing a mask?” Bell Pepper backed away, kicking wide the screen door, making an exit to a porch over hanging a dune of sand that curved into a jagged upward jab of rock. “He is quite sensitive,” commented The Dry Advisor. “Who is he?” “A fellow who once manipulated the money in your wallet but now curses the fellow who does.” - Jeff Phillips

64. “Cynicism is extremely contagious, and the most pious among us cannot long endure its potency. The gullible should be on their guard, however, since this endearing quality frequently masquerades as wit.” - Mike Corbett

65. “This work was strictly voluntary, but any animal who absented himself from it would have his rations reduced by half.” - George Orwell

66. “I suppose that saves us from having to determine what to do with a butler who goes around killing people. It certainly reflects badly upon our domestic staff. Still, I shall miss him. There was a man who knew how to brew a good cup of tea.” - Gail Carriger

67. “Real life... Witches: Wiccan practitioners. Werewolves: rare strain of rabies. Zombies: Prions/Plague. Vampires: Hemophilia/Porphyria” - Solange nicole

68. “If she did not wish to lead a virtuous life, at least she desired to enjoy a character for virtue, and we know that no lady in the genteel world can possess this desideratum, until she has put on a train and feathers and has been presented to her Sovereign at Court. From that august interview they come out stamped as honest women. The Lord Chamberlain gives them a certificate of virtue.” - William Makepeace Thackeray

69. “Dunia memang sudah semakin tua. Entah sudah berapa milyar kali dia mengelilingi matahari sampai membuat isinya berbolak-balik tidak karuan. Sampai manusia lupa bahwa apa yang seharusnya dikatakan dan dilakukan malah terlupa untuk dipraktikkan sendiri.” - Ahmad Fuady

70. “Justru karena cinta, kamu memelihara dirimu dan dirinya agar tetap mulia. Bila ia mendekat, tetaplah duduk. Karena itu yang menjaga emosi agar tak meletup. Bila ia menjauh, jangan dekati dia sebelum waktunya. Sabar itu jauh lebih istimewa. Atau kalau tak tahan lagi, segeralah datang ke rumah orang tuanya! Itu lebih mulia.” - Ahmad Fuady

71. “One might be led to suspect that there were all sorts of things going on in the Universe which he or she did not thoroughly understand.” - Kurt Vonnegut

72. “Though firm, we are never too firm, though we love fun, we never have fun in a silly way that makes us appear ridiculous, unless that is our intent.” - George Saunders

73. “I replied that England (the dear place of my nativity) was computed to produce three times the quantity of food, more than its inhabitants are able to consume, ... But, in order to feed the luxury and intemperance of the males, and the vanity of the females, we sent away the greatest part of our necessary things to other countries, from whence in return we brought the materials of diseases, folly, and vice, to spend among ourselves. Hence it follows of necessity that vast numbers of our people are compelled to seek their livelihood by begging, robbing, stealing, cheating, pimping, forswearing, flattering, suborning, forging, gaming, lying, fawning, hectoring, voting, scribbling, freethinking,” - Jonathan Swift

74. “Never so sure our rapture to createAs when it touch'd the brink of all we hate.” - William Hazlitt

75. “As an experienced editor, I disapprove of flashbacks, foreshadowings, and tricksy devices; they belong in the 1980s with M.A.s in postmodernism and chaos theory.” - David Mitchell

76. “You will be very visible in the company photo, also the website and any other marketing materials. There's no way to avoid it. The photo will only be scheduled when you are in the office, so don't try pretending to be sick. They'll wait for you.” - Baratunde Thurston

77. “We drove 22 miles into the country around Farmington. There were meadows and apple orchards. White fences trailed through the rolling fields. Soon the sign started appearing. THE MOST PHOTOGRAPHED BARN IN AMERICA. We counted five signs before we reached the site. There were 40 cars and a tour bus in the makeshift lot. We walked along a cowpath to the slightly elevated spot set aside for viewing and photographing. All the people had cameras; some had tripods, telephoto lenses, filter kits. A man in a booth sold postcards and slides -- pictures of the barn taken from the elevated spot. We stood near a grove of trees and watched the photographers. Murray maintained a prolonged silence, occasionally scrawling some notes in a little book. "No one sees the barn," he said finally. A long silence followed. "Once you've seen the signs about the barn, it becomes impossible to see the barn."He fell silent once more. People with cameras left the elevated site, replaced by others.We're not here to capture an image, we're here to maintain one. Every photograph reinforces the aura. Can you feel it, Jack? An accumulation of nameless energies." There was an extended silence. The man in the booth sold postcards and slides. "Being here is a kind of spiritual surrender. We see only what the others see. The thousands who were here in the past, those who will come in the future. We've agreed to be part of a collective perception. It literally colors our vision. A religious experience in a way, like all tourism." Another silence ensued. "They are taking pictures of taking pictures," he said.” - Don DeLillo

78. “An honest politician is an oxymoron.” - Mark Twain

79. “The worst mistake a writer can make is to assume everyone has an imagination.” - Andrew McEwan

80. “For you, my darlings, freedom to do what you like is the discovery of how unlikable what you like to do makes you. Not that that stops you doing what you like, since you like doing what you like more than you like liking what you do...[Lucifer]” - Glen Duncan

81. “Alice is fictional. This isn't.” - Jess C. Scott

82. “F***ing triffids.” - Scott B. Pruden

83. “The ultimate downfall of the computerized holographic receptionist was that there was no amount of flattery, flirtation or chocolate that could convince one to lie for you.” - Scott B. Pruden

84. “Akthent on thee latht thyllable.” - Bret Easton Ellis

85. “Uh, excuse me, sir, I, uh, don't known how to uh, to uh, tell you this, but you were three minutes late. The schedule is a little, uh, bit off."He grinned sheepishly."That's ridiculous!" murmured the Ticktockman behind his mask. "Check your watch." And then he went into his office, going mrmee, mrmee, mrmee, mrmee.” - Harlan Ellison

86. “Is my paranoia getting completely out of hand, or are you mongoloids really talking about me?” - John Kennedy Toole

87. “I hope Marcus (giggle) is there. Maybe he can defeat the evil Cullens with his mighty battle cry, "I can see relationships!!!” - Dan Bergstein

88. “pwede nga ring yung TV ang may sumpa. dahil ang TV, para ring drugs, pero ligal. isipin mo, bakit isa ito sa mga unang-unang ipinupundar ng mga Pilipino kahit gaano sila kahirap? kasi malaking tulong ang telebisyon para lumimot. para tumakas sa realidad. kahit mag-isa ka lang sa bahay, nababawasan ang lungkot kung may TV. nakakatanggal-buryong kung wala kang trabaho. mas entertaining kesa sa diyaryo, at mas accessible kesa sa sine. pwede rin itong tagapag-alaga ng mga anak mo. pwedeng ulam kung sakto lang ang budget pambili ng ng bigas. at pwedeng bintana kung parang bartolina lang ang tirahang tinutulugan ng mag-anak mo, dahil may magaganda itong lugar at magagandang tao. kumpleto sa sayawan, kantahan, tawanan, pantasya, at boksing. burado ang mga suliranin mo. pag sinuswerte ka, pwede ka pang manalo.” - Bob Ong

89. “Kara knew je only recognised t and a on a string and he was nothing more than a sleazy pupeeter” - Saira Viola

90. “Kara knew all he recognized was T and A on a string and he was nothing more than a sleazy puppeeter , so long as there were souls for sale he was ready to buy ..” - Saira Viola

91. “We're all prostitutes sir we're all selling ourselves for something” - Saira Viola

92. “Oh, I hate the cheap severity of abstract ethics!” - Oscar Wilde

93. “...they say if you don't vote, you get the government you deserve, and if you do, you never get the results you expected.” - E.A. Bucchianeri

94. “Man is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight” - Mark Twain

95. “They who suspect a Mephistophiles, or sneering, satirical devil, under all, have not learned the secret of true humor, which sympathizes with gods themselves, in view of their grotesque, half-finished creatures.” - Henry David Thoreau

96. “Marriage is the legal method devised to end love without pain.” - Tom Morrison

97. “There is no point in poverty if it does not make a rich man, observing it, feel better.” - Tom Morrison

98. “It takes a lot of wind to sail a leaky boat.” - Tom Morrison

99. “After having so nobly disentangled themselves from the shackles of Parental Authority, by a Clandestine Marriage, they were determined never to forfeit the good opinion they had gained in the World, in so doing, by accepting any proposals of reconciliation that might be offered them by their Fathers – to their farther trial of their noble independence however they never were exposed.” - Jane Austen

100. “Sophia shrieked and fainted on the ground – I screamed and instantly ran mad. We remained thus mutually deprived of our senses, some minutes, and on regaining them were deprived of them again. For an Hour and a Quarter did we continue in this unfortunate situation – Sophia fainting every moment and I running mad as often. At length a groan from the hapless Edward (who alone retained any share of life) restored us to ourselves.” - Jane Austen

101. “Dear Eloisa (said I) there’s no occasion for your crying so much about such a trifle. (for I was willing to make light of it in order to comfort her) I beg you would not mind it – You see it does not vex me in the least; though perhaps I may suffer most from it after all; for I shall not only be obliged to eat up all the Victuals I have dressed already, but must if Henry should recover (which however is not very likely) dress as much for you again; or should he die (as I suppose he will) I shall still have to prepare a Dinner for you whenever you marry any one else. So you see that tho perhaps for the present it may afflict you to think of Henry’s sufferings, yet I dare say he’ll die soon and then his pain will be over and you will be easy, whereas my Trouble will last much longer for work as hard as I may, I am certain that the pantry cannot be cleared in less than a fortnight” - Jane Austen

102. “She is probably by this time as tired of me, as I am of her; but as she is too Polite and I am too civil to say so, our letters are still as frequent and affectionate as ever, and our Attachment as firm and sincere as when it first commenced.” - Jane Austen

103. “When...did it become irrational to dislike religion, any religion, even to dislike it vehemently? When did reason get redescribed as unreason? When were the fairy stories of the superstitious placed above criticism, beyond satire? A religion was not a race. It was an idea, and ideas stood (or fell) because they were strong enough (or too weak) to withstand criticism, not because they were shielded from it. Strong ideas welcomed dissent.” - Salman Rushdie

104. “Quite possibly the only infinite power in the universe may be the human capacity for self-deception.” - Michel Templet

105. “My therapist told me that I over-analyze everything. I explained to him that he only thinks this because of his unhappy relationship with his mother.” - Michel Templet

106. “Obama's plan for "change": Let's do everything Bush did, only with more suck! Because it just didn't suck badly enough the first time!” - Michel Templet

107. “Presenting a rational argument to a person who has forsaken the use of reason is like asking a vegetarian to eat a cheeseburger.” - Michel Templet

108. “Maud: Young women are never happy.Betty: Mother, what a thing to say.Maud: Then when they're older they look back and see that comparatively speaking they were ecstatic.” - Caryl Churchill

109. “You stick a bunch of drunken murderers together, ain't long before some turn to thieving, then to lying, then to bad language, and pretty soon to sobriety, raising families and making an honest living.” - Joe Abercrombie

110. “While pensive poets painful vigils keep,Sleepless themselves, to give their readers sleep.” - Alexander Pope

111. “The only grown-up other than Jacob who ever came into his schoolroom was Eli Willard.School was in session one day when the Connecticut itinerant reappeared after long absence, bringing Jacob's glass and other merchandise. Jacob seized him and presented him to the class. 'Boys and girls, this specimen here is a Peddler. You don't see them very often. They migrate, like the geese flying over. This one comes maybe once a year, like Christmas. But he ain't dependable, like Christmas. He's dependable like rainfall. A Peddler is a feller who has got things you ain't got, and he'll give 'em to ye, and then after you're glad you got 'em he'll tell ye how much cash money you owe him fer 'em. If you ain't got cash money, he'll give credit, and collect the next time he comes 'round, and meantime you work hard to git the money someway so's ye kin pay him off. Look at his eyes. Notice how they are kinder shiftly-like. Now, class, the first question is: why is this feller's eyes shiftly-like?” - Donald Harington

112. “He has a very nice face and style, really," said Mrs. Kenwigs."He certainly has," added Miss Petowker. "There's something in his appearance quite--dear, dear, what's the word again?""What word?" inquired Mr. Lillyvick."Why--dear me, how stupid I am!" replied Miss Petowker, hesitating. "What do you call it when lords break off doorknockers, and beat policemen, and play at coaches with other people's money, and all that sort of thing?""Aristocratic?" suggested the collector."Ah! Aristocratic," replied Miss Petowker; "something very aristocratic about him, isn't there?"The gentlemen held their peace, and smiled at each other, as who should say, "Well! there's no accounting for tastes;" but the ladies resolved unanimously that Nicholas had an aristocratic air, and nobody caring to dispute the position, it was established triumphantly.” - Charles Dickens

113. “By and large, the mission of any ghost is to offer humility. They point out what's important by mocking what is not.(Joshua Malina, Sports Night)” - Aaron Sorkin

114. “At Columbus Circle, a juggler wearing a trench cloak and top hat, who is usually at this location afternoons and who calls himself Stretch Man, performs in front of a small, uninterested crowd; though I smell prey, and he seems worthy of my wrath, I move on in search of a less dorky target. Though if he’d been a mime, odds are he’d already be dead.” - Bret Easton Ellis

115. “Oh, I don’t mean to infer that you’re not a great guy. I’m sure you’re the exception to the rule.” - Jaye Frances

116. “Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple.” - Terry Pratchett

117. “When the conversation turns too quickly to films,I see it as a sign of weakness.” - Herman Koch

118. “We were putting into these gomers our fear of death, but who knew if they feared death? Perhaps they welcomed death like a dear long-lost cousin, grown old but still known, coming to visit, relieving the loneliness, the failing of the senses, the fury of the half-blind looking into the mirror and not recognizing who is looking back, a dear friend, a dear reliever, a healer who would be with them for an eternity, the same eternity as the long ago, before birth.” - Samuel Shem

119. “My great-great grandfather and I were the best of friends, although we never met” - Raji Singh

120. “My great-great grandfather and I were best of friends, although we never met.Fire and shipwreck orphan us – 140 years apart. We escape to imagination to survive our fate. There, midst flights of whimsy we find one another. Companionship quells our loneliness. We create fables and tales, shields against a harsh existence. We must battle animals and humans of prey.Together, he, the future abolitionist-publisher James Thaddeus ‘Blackjack’ Fiction, and I vault from glory-laden adventures to tragedy and then to triumph. I am Raji Singh and this is my story.” - Raji Singh

121. “Where did you find construction guys swapping dirty jokes in proto-Númenorean?” Aura asked.“On construction sites. Is that coffee ready?” - john barnes

122. “The PM glanced a look of pure malevolence. A terrifying glimpse into what madness, ego and naked ambition it takes to lead a modern democracy.” - Alan Dean

123. “When majority is insane, sane must go to asylum.” - Mark Twain

124. “Of course you would, Mitt," Reagan said. "Well, I’m glad we understand each other, and I think your father would be proud of you being in his old spot, and I want you to know that when I’m choosing my Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, your resumé will be on the very top of the pile. It’s been great chatting with you but you know, I have to find a vice presidential candidate, and soon.”“Ha, ha, ha, ah it’s been great chatting with you, too, Mr. President, and—”Reagan cocked his head slightly, smiled, and caught the eye of a minion; a moment later Romney had been deposited outside the door like a discarded room service tray, having barely had time to shift from ha, ha, ha back to ah…ah…” - john barnes

125. “Do…you…have…a…hard…time…finding…Steve’s dick?” she enunciated, enjoying Mary’s extreme discomfort. “He’s big as a fuckin’ house so I imagine it might be a bit of a problem.” The New Jersey accent that was still there after more than fifteen years in the south, resurfaced in her aggravation.” - A.T. Hicks

126. “Bride, n. - A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.” - Ambrose Bierce

127. “The Boy will not be a failure. Mythili knows.She has seen the generations before.The boy will make it.As his father has said,he does not have the option of failure.He will crack atleast one entrance exam,and he will one day have a nice house in a suburb of San Francisco,or in a suburb of a suburb of San Francisco.He will find a cute Tamil Brahmin wife and make her produce two sweet children.He will drive a Toyota Corolla to work.And there,in the conference room of his office,he will tell his small team,with his hands stretched wide in a managerial way,'We must think out of the box” - Manu Joseph

128. “Murder is only killing in the wrong place.” - Pat Barker

129. “My inner goddess confirms that staring at a beautiful/rich/powerful face is the basis of True Love.” - Jess C. Scott

130. “Because I want to have sex with him--and because that's sinful--I'm blushing and flushing furiously under his scrutinizing scrutiny.” - Jess C. Scott

131. “I tossed my shoulders and swaggered away, whistling with pleasure. In the gutter I saw a long cigaret butt. I picked it up without shame, lit it as I stood with one foot in the gutter, puffed it and exhaled toward the stars. I was an American, and goddamn proud of it.” - John Fante

132. “Her heart was broken perhaps, but it was a small inexpensive organ of local manufacture. In a wider and grander way she felt things had been simplified.” - Evelyn Waugh

133. “In Russia, drunks are our kindest people. Our kindest people are also the most drunk.” - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

134. “Something refused to come into focus in my thinking. Indistinctly, as though in a fog, shapes moved toward me and retreated just beyond cognition. But that getting a hold of things is the uncertainty. As the Tractatus says right at the beginning, “The world is everything that is the case.” It seemed as though the Mammy≈Divas® were just like Steve Jobs, trying to have reality bent to their own wills. Objectively, the iPhone was a muddle of mysticism and logic—breakable glass, non-ergonomic design, lousy battery life, lousy irreplaceable battery, lousy headphone jack, lousy virtual keyboard, lousy email, lousy memory, lousy lice, etc., etc, and an interface that you had to adapt to by pretending as an article of faith that no adaptation was required. The Mammy≈Divas® promised a seamless racial interface—eternal blackness ordered and majestic. They put a benign face on their lust for panoptic power. They promised to discipline and punish with pancakes.” - Jon Woodson

135. “He said science was going to discover the basic secret of life some day,' the bartender put in. He scratched his head and frowned. 'Didn't I read in the paper the other day where they'd finally found out what it was?''I missed that,' I murmured. ' I saw that,' said Sandra. 'About two days ago.''That's right,' said the bartender.'What is the secret of life?' I asked.'I forget,' said Sandra.'Protein,' the bartender declared. 'They found out something about protein.''Yeah,' said Sandra, 'that's it.” - Kurt Vonnegut

136. “Nevertheless a certain class of dishonesty, dishonesty magnificent in its proportions, and climbing into high places, has become at the same time so rampant and so splendid that there seems to be reason for fearing that men and women will be taught to feel that dishonesty, if it can become splendid, will cease to be abominable. If dishonesty can live in a gorgeous palace with pictures on all its walls, and gems in all its cupboards, with marble and ivory in all its corners, and can give Apician dinners, and get into Parliament, and deal in millions, then dishonesty is not disgraceful, and the man dishonest after such a fashion is not a low scoundrel. Instigated, I say, by some such reflections as these, I sat down in my new house to write The Way We Live Now. And as I had ventured to take the whip of the satirist into my hand, I went beyond the iniquities of the great speculator who robs everybody, and made an onslaught also on other vices;--on the intrigues of girls who want to get married, on the luxury of young men who prefer to remain single, and on the puffing propensities of authors who desire to cheat the public into buying their volumes.” - Anthony Trollope

137. “They see nothing indecent in sexual intercourse, whether heterosexual or homosexual, and indulge in it quite openly, in full view of everyone. The only exception was Socrates, who was always swearing that his relations with young men were purely Platonic, but nobody believed him for a moment, and Hyacinthus and Narcissus gave first-hand evidence to the contrary.” - Lucian of Samosata

138. “The old joke is that psychiatrists are doctors who can't stand the sight of blood. Maybe they can't stand it, but if they work where I work, they damn well better get used to it.At least surgeons and prizefighters get to wear gloves” - Mike Bartos

139. “Provided that nothing like useful knowledge could be gained from them, provided they were all story and no reflection, she had never any objection to books at all.” - Jane Austen

140. “Well, fame is a drug and when you take it away from an addict, things can get ugly.” - Melissa Jo Peltier

141. “conservative n.A person who possesses an underdeveloped taste for tyranny.liberal n.A person who believes in liberty, but only for the state.” - Leslie Starr O'Hara

142. “preemptive strike n.A blow or punch delivered by military aircraft to a target who is suspected of being adverse to one's plot for world domination.” - Leslie Starr O'Hara

143. “terrorism n.Violence for political purposes or the politically motivated threat of violence which, either intentionally or unintentionally, challenges the state's monopoly on political violence.” - Leslie Starr O'Hara

144. “Today’s generation didn’t want to watch ancient actors reciting the same tired lines. They wanted to see themselves reflected onscreen –rude, raw, entitled. These kids needed to believe that they themselves were only one daring, controversial act away from being up on that screen themselves. ” - Melissa Jo Peltier

145. “After we deal and heal...NOT A A SHRED OF EVIDENCE EXISTS THAT LIFE IS SERIOUS.....Jan Marshall” - Jan Marshall

146. “Sessanta donne crocifisse!”Che uomo stupido, privo di tatto! La Cristianità rabbrividirà con orrore alla notizia.“Profanazione del simbolo sacro.” Questo è quanto griderà la Cristianità. Sì, la Cristianità si agiterà. Può sentirmi accusato di mezzo milione di omicidi l’anno per vent’anni e mantenere la sua compostezza, ma profanare il Simbolo è tutt’altra storia. Lo considererà un fatto grave. Si sveglierà e vorrà dare un’occhiata al mio passato. Agitarsi? Lo farà senz’altro, mi sembra già di sentire un lontano brusio… È stato un errore crocifiggere le donne, chiaramente un errore, palesemente un errore, ora me ne accorgo anch’io, e mi dispiace che sia accaduto, davvero mi dispiace. Credo che sarebbe stata una risposta altrettanto buona scorticarle vive…[Con un sospiro] Ma nessuno di noi ci ha pensato; non si può pensare a tutto; e in fondo, tutto sommato, errare non è che umano.” - Mark Twain

147. “No one washes their hands after they piss unless they’re in a public place. If I’m at the airport, or a restaurant, and someone else is there, I’ll soap up for the sake of civilization, but it’s only for show, I don’t really care if I have ultraviolet traces of urine or feces on my hands. But, if I see someone walk oudda the men’s without soaping up I’ll think he’s deranged, borderline psychotic. At least pretend that washing your hands matters. You know, for the sake of civilization.” - Shannon Lyndsy

148. “But we were dragons. We were supposed to be cruel, cunning, heartless and terrible. But this much I can tell you, we never burned and tortured and ripped one another apart and called it morality.” - Terry Pratchett