31 Insulting Quotes

Delving into the wittier side of human expression, we've compiled a selection of the top 31 insulting quotes that have stood the test of time. Whether delivered with a sharp tongue or a sly grin, these quips offer a fascinating glimpse into the artistry of the perfect put-down. From literary greats to modern-day commentators, these biting remarks remind us that sometimes, words can cut deeper than any sword. So sit back, relax, and prepare to be simultaneously amused and awed by the clever jabs and biting wit found in this carefully curated collection.

1. “Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?SAMPSON [Aside to Gregory]: Is the law of our side, if I say ay?GREGORY [Aside to Sampson]: No.SAMPSON: No, sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir, but I bite my thumb, sir.” - William Shakespeare

2. “Hurt, he'll never be hurt--he's made to hurt other people.” - George Eliot

3. “If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, then they can sure make something out of you.” - Muhammad Ali

4. “If we desire to avoid insult, we must be able to repel it; if we desire to secure peace, one of the most powerful instruments of our rising prosperity, it must be known, that we are at all times ready for War.” - George Washington

5. “I must decline your invitation owing to a subsequent engagement.” - Oscar Wilde

6. “He who takes offense when no offense is intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool.” - Brigham Young

7. “Seamus: "I was wondering if you would like to go get some coffee"Cara: "Well that depends ... do you like to take long walks?"Seamus: "Yes"Cara: "Do you like sex?"Seamus: "Yeees"Cara: "Then take a f***ing hike and leave me the hell alone.” - Erin McCarthy

8. “You're a jerk,' repeated the alien, 'a complete asshole.” - Douglas Adams

9. “Let the doors be shut upon him, that he may play thefool no where but in's own house.” - William Shakespeare

10. “Me? I'm being ridiculous? You're the one flirting for your thesis. What the hell kind of degree is that anyway? A doctorate of dick tease?” - Erin McCarthy

11. “The only process you've mastered is the process of elimination, and the only reason you've mastered that is because you can do it in the toilet.” - Orson Scott Card

12. “You," Madeline said, her voice hollow and wheezing, "are like a bad case of herpes, wizard. You're inconvenient, embarassing, no real threat, and you simply will not go away.” - Jim Butcher

13. “How do you know if a demon is lying? His lips are moving.” - Richelle Mead

14. “We almost made it to thirty seconds without an insult. I think we set a new record.” - Sherrilyn Kenyon

15. “You, you insolent brazen bitch—you really dare to shake that monstrous spear in Father’s face?” - Homer

16. “His ignorance is encyclopedic.” - Abba Eban

17. “Did anybody tell you that you're a few french fries short of a Happy Meal?” - Susan Elizabeth Phillips

18. “Since when are you so 'faithful'? just a couple of years ago you would show up in your tight jeans and borrow our car to pick up one of your five girlfriends. You think that beard makes you a man of God?” - Dalia Sofer

19. “I used to think the world was broken down by tribes,' I said. 'By Black and White. By Indian and White. But I know this isn't true. The world is only broken into two tribes: the people who are assholes and the people who are not.” - Sherman Alexie

20. “She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.” - Mae West

21. “Stacey: "I'm surprised you haven't thrown me out."Comfort: "At your current weight, I'd need some sort of catapult.” - Kristin Hannah

22. “Simply minding one's own business is more offensive than being intrusive. Without ever saying a word one can make a person feel less-than.” - Criss Jami

23. “I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.” - Derek Landy

24. “Who the hell do you think you're, Kiddo?I don't do thinking, Sir. I simply improvise.” - Toba Beta

25. “The freedom of birds is an insult to me.” - Cormac McCarthy

26. “If I say you're a goatherd's son, you say, 'Yes, Lord Ralon.'"Alanna gasped with fury. "I'd as soon kiss a pig! Is that what you've been doing-kissing pigs? Or being kissed?” - Tamora Pierce

27. “Let me tell you, my girl, that I'm swallowing no more of your insults! And if I hear another word from you in disparagement of the Corinthian set it will be very much the worse for you!” - Georgette Heyer

28. “What other culture could have produced someone like Hemingway and not seen the joke?” - Gore Vidal

29. “This guy was making me tired. “Thanks for the afternoon’s entertainment,” I said. “I’ll flush a copy of my bill down the toilet. You should be getting it in a couple of days.” - John Swartzwelder

30. “We look for pretty girls we can say bad things to. No one shows up.” - Ida Løkås

31. “Her aunt Sol had once told Shai to smile at the worst insults and snap at the minor ones. That way, no man would know your heart.” - Brandon Sanderson