34 Clever And Witty Insult Quotes

In the world of wordplay, a cleverly crafted insult can be a masterstroke of humor, leaving a lasting impression and making even the most heated exchanges a bit more entertaining. Whether you’re sparring in a friendly debate or just appreciate a good verbal jab, clever and witty insult quotes showcase the artful blend of sharp wit and sly humor. This carefully curated collection of the top 34 clever and witty insult quotes captures the essence of playful banter, offering timeless comebacks and sassy remarks perfect for keeping things lighthearted. Dive in and savor the brilliance of these linguistic gems that have endured through the ages, proving that sometimes, words can sting in the most delightful way possible.

1. “Hurt, he'll never be hurt--he's made to hurt other people.” - George Eliot

2. “If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, then they can sure make something out of you.” - Muhammad Ali

3. “Sir, I admit your general rule, That every poet is a fool, But you yourself may serve to show it, That every fool is not a poet.” - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

4. “Out of my sight! Thou dost infect mine eyes.” - William Shakespeare

5. “You're so far off base this time you can't even see the base!” - Eileen Wilks

6. “If we desire to avoid insult, we must be able to repel it; if we desire to secure peace, one of the most powerful instruments of our rising prosperity, it must be known, that we are at all times ready for War.” - George Washington

7. “The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.” - George Bernard Shaw

8. “I must decline your invitation owing to a subsequent engagement.” - Oscar Wilde

9. “Seamus: "I was wondering if you would like to go get some coffee"Cara: "Well that depends ... do you like to take long walks?"Seamus: "Yes"Cara: "Do you like sex?"Seamus: "Yeees"Cara: "Then take a f***ing hike and leave me the hell alone.” - Erin McCarthy

10. “Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.” - Oscar Levant

11. “Once again, you show all the sensitivity of a blunt axe.” - J.K. Rowling

12. “Let the doors be shut upon him, that he may play thefool no where but in's own house.” - William Shakespeare

13. “O me, you juggler, you canker-blossom, you thief of love!” - William Shakespeare

14. “You blocks, you stones, you worse than senseless things!” - William Shakespeare

15. “I can only assume," said Jace, "that mortal emotions amuse you because you have none of your own.” - Cassandra Clare

16. “First you say I am a murderer - an agent in league against you - and now I am a deluded heartsick girl! Pray make up your mind so I can scoff at you with precision!” - Gordon Dahlquist

17. “You, you insolent brazen bitch—you really dare to shake that monstrous spear in Father’s face?” - Homer

18. “Oh.” Timmie gave Bones a shy peek. “Are you Cathy’s brother?”“Whatever would give you the idea that I’m her damn brother?” Bones snapped.” - Jeaniene Frost

19. “Andrew had a gift for deepening the incision he began.” - Chris Cleave

20. “My Lord, I find thy face apelike and thy form misshapen. Thy beard, moreover, is an offense against decency, resembling more closely the scabrous fir which doth decorate the hinder portion of a mongrel dog than a proper adornement for a human face. Is it possible that thy mother, seized by some wild lechery, did dally at some time past with a randy goat? -Mandorallen” - David Eddings

21. “Since when are you so 'faithful'? just a couple of years ago you would show up in your tight jeans and borrow our car to pick up one of your five girlfriends. You think that beard makes you a man of God?” - Dalia Sofer

22. “Words cannot express my disappointment that I must pass on the invitation to once again witness your gelatinous buttocks swaying as you try to climb a greased pole naked in search of athletic glory. Sadly, the last occasion on which I witnessed this event had a deleterious effect on my psyche for which I am still seeking the attention of a therapist.A.C. Kemp as Lady Arabella Snark” - A.C. Kemp

23. “Stacey: "I'm surprised you haven't thrown me out."Comfort: "At your current weight, I'd need some sort of catapult.” - Kristin Hannah

24. “Otulissa swelled up to twice her normal size. 'Well, SPRINK ON YOUR SPRONK!” - Kathryn Lasky

25. “The man is as useless as nipples on a breastplate.” - George R.R. Martin

26. “Let me tell you, my girl, that I'm swallowing no more of your insults! And if I hear another word from you in disparagement of the Corinthian set it will be very much the worse for you!” - Georgette Heyer

27. “Some men simply refuse to appear insulted. But then, having felt the sting from the slap on their cheek, know just where to slip the knife, their smile never fading.” - Andrew Levkoff

28. “These are the few ways we can practice humility:To speak as little as possible of one's self.To mind one's own business.Not to want to manage other people's affairs.To avoid curiosity.To accept contradictions and correction cheerfully.To pass over the mistakes of others.To accept insults and injuries.To accept being slighted, forgotten and disliked.To be kind and gentle even under provocation.Never to stand on one's dignity.To choose always the hardest.” - Mother Teresa

29. “There are no injuries that run so deep that one can't add insult to them and make them feel even worse.” - Matthew S. Williams

30. “He doesn't seem to mind at all that he's stupid about math.” - Wendy Lichtman

31. “I've seen you around. You liken yourself a bad ass, and darlin', you are. Minus the bad.” - Donna Lynn Hope

32. “Her aunt Sol had once told Shai to smile at the worst insults and snap at the minor ones. That way, no man would know your heart.” - Brandon Sanderson

33. “If a mark of affection can sometimes be taken for an insult, perhaps the gesture of love is not universal: it too must be translated from one language to another, must be learned.” - Kim Thuy

34. “Hertzfeld recalled that Gates just sat there coolly, looking at Steve in the eye, before hurling back, in his squeaky voice, what became a classic zinger. "Well, Steve, I think there's more than one way of looking at it, I think it's more like we both had this rich neighbor named Xerox and I broke into his house to steal the TV set and found out that you had already stolen it.” - Walter Isaacson