34 Witty And Clever Quotes

In a world where words have the power to inspire, amuse, and provoke thought, clever and witty quotes stand out as particularly memorable gems. They distill wisdom into a few choice phrases, often sprinkled with a dash of humor, making them perfect for sharing, reflecting upon, or simply brightening someone's day. Whether it's for a motivational boost, a quick chuckle, or a fresh perspective, these 34 handpicked quotes promise to deliver both insight and entertainment. Dive in and discover the charm and wit that these quotes have to offer!

1. “Childhood friends are continuity, uninterrupted connections between selves, and you hold on them. You hold on them and you love them, but sometimes they're not quite comfortable.” - Lynn Messina

2. “Make sure it is God's trumpet you are blowing- if it is only yours it won't wake the dead, it will simply disturb the neighbours.” - W. Ian Thomas

3. “You noticed that I wore this outfit twice? Why, the only thing you wear twice is a sour expression.” - L.M. Montgomery

4. “This is the fast lane, folks...and some of us like it here.” - Hunter S. Thompson

5. “Don't worry about it; only worry about how people like her breed.” - Gasmaskman

6. “Nothing uses up alcohol faster than political argument.” - Robert A. Heinlein

7. “The guy's life drunk, I think, makes Candide look like a sourpuss. Does he even know that death exists?” - Jandy Nelson

8. “I hope that the kind reader recognises this as a despairing attempt at humour.” - Nancy Springer

9. “A technicality I'm prepared to hide wildly behind.” - Jim Butcher

10. “Life is too fleet for onomatopoeia.” - Mervyn Peake

11. “I'll take a redrum with a rellik please.” - Brian Celio

12. “Pride only helps us to be generous; it never makes us so, any more than vanity makes us witty.” - George Eliot

13. “Every habit makes our hand more witty, and out wit more handy.” - Friedrich Nietzsche

14. “So just let me deal with it, I can be emotionally flawed and still love you all at the same time. I’m a great multitasker.” - Holly Hood

15. “I wanted to play with death, like a child with a new toy, I wanted to push all the buttons and see what would happen.” - Holly Hood

16. “I rolled my eyes, trying to keep my eyes off his body, just the sight of his abs or arms was enough to make me want to get naked and let Carlo take over anything he wanted.” - Holly Hood

17. “-"He loved her...It was noble of him. It was beautiful."-"It was stupid.” - Lloyd Alexander

18. “(About a cookbook...)- What about this one? Maids of Honor?- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts.” - Terry Pratchett

19. “You get a promotion?""I got a polite, but firm suggestion to be a team player. [...]""You got off easy. One of my commanding officers once threw a paperweight at me.""We're a bit more subtle.” - Nelson DeMille

20. “He had not the makings of that honest man to whom success comes naturally.” - James Jones

21. “Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.” - Criss Jami

22. “She didn‟t look like the athletic type to me.” “Maybe Nemov carried her. He looked like he could.” “He looked like he could carry his SUV. I don‟t know why he didn‟t.” - Josh Lanyon

23. “My waist is a 30. The jeans are a 28. When I fart, the Reeboks blow off.” - Steve Kluger

24. “Once you’ve read too many trashy best-sellers, you begin to look for something with substance, something that attempts to define the universe.” - Jessica Zafra

25. “It is your turn to say something now, Mr. Darcy. I talked about the dance, and you ought to make some kind of remark on the size of the room, or the number of couples.” - Jane Austen

26. “yes, i have dated Salvador Dali guy when i was a high school girl. he was a great lover. but i had to dump him because he stole my inspiration of bent clock*~* .... who cares...” - Hiroko Sakai

27. “Taking a single letter from the alphaber," he said, "should make life simpler.""I don't see why. Take the F from life and you have lie. It's adding a letter to simple that makes it simpler. Taking a letter from hoarder makes it harder.” - James Thurber

28. “Who knew Demon Child would have such a normal name? I expected something exotic like Serena or Destiny or the Evil One That Comes in the Night to Make Us Chilly.” - Darynda Jones

29. “But have you ever seen one?....They shook their heads. "Not Physically, no. But if you look at this passage - "Man, she liked that Bible. I'd read it and could definitely understand it's appeal, but I didn't have time for this.” - Darynda Jones

30. “What the hell makes you smart?" I asked."I wouldn't go for coffee with you.""Listen - I wouldn't ask you.""That," she replied, "is what makes you stupid.” - Erich Segal

31. “Your brother Jaime keeps losing battles. He gave Sansa an angry look, as if it were her fault. He’s been taken by the Starks and we’ve lost Riverrun and now her stupid brother is calling himself a king.The dwarf smiled crookedly. “All sorts of people are calling themselves kings these days.” - George R.R. Martin

32. “Brody's not gay. But then he kisses a boy. So he might be gay? No, Brody's not gay. But he loves this boy. So after much delaying, debating, and waiting, the answer comes clear...nothing is ever perfectly straight. It's slash.” - Dart Gray

33. “(…) Trying to think of how to take the least crowded ways to class, so the least amount of people will stare at the hole in my neck. Sometimes it feels like it has a beacon in it, flashing for the entire world to see, except it's not cool like the Bat signal.” - Keary Taylor

34. “Graham's life is as tense as an overstretched simile.” - Zane Stumpo