37 Funny Humor Quotes

Laughter is a universal language that bridges gaps and brings people together, no matter their background or beliefs. In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, it's essential to pause and enjoy a good laugh every now and then. That's why we've put together a curated collection of the top 37 funny humor quotes. These nuggets of wit and wisdom are sure to lighten your mood, tickle your funny bone, and perhaps even inspire you to share a chuckle with friends and family. So sit back, relax, and get ready to dive into a delightful world of humor that promises to leave you grinning from ear to ear.

1. “I just know there's an albino living in the colored quarters. I can feel it in my bones.” - Fannie Flagg

2. “YOU. GOT. FOOD. IN. MY. HAIR.” - Stephenie Meyer

3. “Look," I whisper to Cat, "Shooting star! That's good luck."She rolls her eyes. "It's a plane, you idiot," she says, and when I look again I can see that she's right. Typical.” - Cathy Cassidy

4. “Okay, but would you say between us we have the combined IQ of at least a garden slug?” - Norah Wilson

5. “So I see you got to know Trish on a pretty intimate level tonight,” Max said, focusing her attention back on the present as they made their way down the deserted roads back to her house. “She was definitely…friendly.”What Landon casually defined as friendly was what Max more accurately described as molestation. Her hands had disappeared under the table, rubbing his leg or whatever she was doing, more times than she spent holding her damn cards. Landon’s indifference to the whole thing was entirely impossible to read. Was he enjoying the attention? Wouldn’t any man? Not that it was any of her business. Landon was just some guy that she’d let stay with her for a few days. The fact that he was good-looking was irrelevant. Trish could have him for all she cared as long as they kept the indecencies out of her house.“Well, don’t you worry about her. She’s a bit of a flirt when she’s drunk. I’m pretty sure she’d hit on a monkey.”“You just compared me to a monkey and you don’t want me to worry?”“You know what I mean.”“I’m sorry, I don’t.”“Don’t tell me that girls like that actually appeal to you.”“Jealous?”“Hardly,” Max shot back defensively. “I just pegged you for a man with higher standards that’s all.” She couldn’t really say why she’d chosen to share her opinion. No harm in giving the guy a little warning, right?“You’ve pegged me for a lot of things.” - Shawn Kirsten Maravel

6. “I'm good at blowjob.” - Lauren Baker

7. “Jules stood up and stretched gracelessly. “Let’s hurry up and pay before she”-she indicated Claire with a flick of her thumb-“sees something shiny and we lose her again.” - Kimberly Derting

8. “One should never give up on hope. Unless that's the name of the girl who cheated on you in which case, yeah, give her up.” - Carroll Bryant

9. “What was that?” I croaked.Akhol sidestepped into my view and towered over us. “It was a Demon.”“But you said—”“I know what I said,” Akhol cut in sharply, rubbing his eyes. “There was something wrong with it. Like the Demonhad adapted to the darkness and water.”I shivered. “Did he have a ring that he called ‘my precious’?” I joked to try and lighten the mood. I didn’t get a goodlook at the Demon, but my mind had no problems picturing Gollum.They stared at me blankly.” - Laura Kreitzer

10. “It was quite wrong of me Had I heard what I thought I’d heard or were my ears playing hob with me It was more likely that the sun and the moon should suddenly dance a jolly jig in the heavens than that one of my sisters should apologize. It was simply unheard of.” - Alan Bradley

11. “How am I going to explain to my kids one day that I can't buy them a happy meal because the toy will make them fat?” - Carroll Bryant

12. “Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn’t that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.” - Carroll Bryant

13. “I'm half italian""Which half" asked Tessa"From the waist down” - Pamela Clare

14. “All I wanted for Christmas was a New Years Eve party that I would never forget. Too bad I got too drunk to remember it.” - Carroll Bryant

15. “You mustn't let men drive you to mangling the English language, no matter how sweet they are.” - Marisa de los Santos

16. “I didn’t do it. It wasn’t me.” - Georgia Fox

17. “Marry me. Nay, marriage will cost us precious moments together. Let us make sweet, passionate love right here. Let me bear your children.”A primal growl signaled Miss Lynn getting over her shock at being thus addressed. She lunged forward; Jack deftly rolled off the bench, jumping up out of her reach.“Goodness, I didn’t expect you to be quite this enthusiastic about my advances. If I don’t play hard to get, how will I ever know whether or not you respect me?” - Kiersten White

18. “When it comes to being famous, you’re usually the last to know, and the first to deny it. Unless you were already famous in your head. In which case, party on, Wayne! Party on, Garth!” - Carroll Bryant

19. “Someone asked me recently - what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife.” - Mark Watson

20. “Und solange nur garantiert war, dass Rava dabei neben mir stand, hätte ich in diesem Moment sogar eine Einladung auf ein schönes großes Glas abgestandenen Blumenwassers angenommen. ” - Emilia Polo

21. “Hout! She plays like a man,” Colin said. “I doubt any of us could beat her. You were very fortunate, brother.” “Aye,” Alysandir grumbled, and everyone laughed. “ I considered myself very fortunate to win two games,” Isobella said. “Ye played very well,” Colin said. “She amazes me on daily basis,” Grim said. At that point, everyone looked at Alysandir, who had remained quiet throughout the discussion. He gave her frank stare and asked, “Is there anything ye canna do?” “Be quiet,” Isobella said so candidly that everyone fell into fits of laughter, Alysandir included. – Isobella Douglas & Alysandir Mackinnon” - Elaine Coffman

22. “...and there encountered with him all at once Sir Bors, Sir Ector, and Sir Lionel, and they three smote him at once with their spears, and with force of themselves they smote Sir Lancelot's horse reverse to the earth. And by misfortune Sir Bors smote Sir Lancelot through the shield into the side...” - Malory Thomas Sir

23. “Dear lord, the flash of his gleaming white teeth was like a hot button to my nether regions. Down vagina! Down, girl.”Bad Rep by A. Meredith Walters” - A. Meredith Walters

24. “Now and Laters. Starbust, Pixie Stix. If she gets too bitchy, just feed her this crap. As long as the sugar high is in effect, you and the wildlife should be safe” - Gayle Forman

25. “He was fucking with us pretty hard in the saferoom,” Sandra called from the front of the plane’s undercarriage.“Aw, Sandy, that wasn’t fucking,” Simon said. “That was just, I don’t know, really obnoxious foreplay or something.” - M. Chandler

26. “Beside me, Philippe and Meg hold hands. He murmurs something that sounds like, "my dear leetle mongoose." I wish he'd turn back into a frog and hop away.” - Alex Flinn

27. “Does he ever eat? Nope. Does he sleep during the day and only comes out at night? Yep. Is he so sexy you’d sell your soul to spend just a night with him? Double-yep. What other proof do you need?” - Jayde Scott

28. “When he woke, daylight was coming through the glass floor, and a boy's voice said, "Oh...You are in so much trouble.” - Rick Riordan

29. “My calculations - allowing for a 12 percent margin of error, based on the radius of the corresponding confidence interval and the surgeon general's warning - concluded that they probably didn't stay behind for the tacos.” - Darynda Jones

30. “I understood it-until you tried to explain it.” - Erin Pracht

31. “I haven't stopped looking for the good in people. I've just accepted the fact that I'm not always going to find it.” - Patti LaBelle

32. “Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet.” - Santosh Kalwar

33. “How funny.” I say flatly. “and I was hoping for a battle of wits but you appear to be unarmed.” His laugh fills the silence and brings a smile to my face.” - K. Larsen

34. “Yeah 220, 221 whatever it takes!" Michael Keaton character in "Mr. Mom” - Mark Buff

35. “Do you sleep in a coffin?” Okay, I admit that one was a little out of line, not to mention corny.“Of course not,” he laughs loudly. “I sleep in a bed.” A pause. “Would you like to see it?” - L.H. Cosway

36. “Sometimes you just gotta wear the tinfoil hat.” - Gary Hopkins

37. “Sitting alone in the cafeteria would just scream “I’m the new girl. Everyone stare at me while I eat.” - Kristi Cook