39 Best Insult Quotes

In the realm of rhetoric and wit, the crafting of an insult is an art form that has captivated minds for centuries. Whether it’s the sharp-tongued exchanges of literary characters or the pointed quips of public figures, a well-crafted insult can leave a lasting impression. In this post, we’ve curated a collection of the top 39 best insult quotes that showcase the brilliance, humor, and sometimes brutal honesty of some of history’s most clever minds. These quotes not only entertain but also highlight the intricate balance of language and timing needed to deliver that perfect verbal jab. Dive in, and prepare to be both amused and amazed by the power of words.

1. “Don't fool yourself, my dear. You're much worse than a bitch. You're a saint. Which shows why saints are dangerous and undesirable.” - Ayn Rand

2. “If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, then they can sure make something out of you.” - Muhammad Ali

3. “She is a peacock in everything but beauty!” - Oscar Wilde

4. “Out of my sight! Thou dost infect mine eyes.” - William Shakespeare

5. “I've seen more intelligence in the crotch lice of harem whores.” - Christopher Moore

6. “He's a pig and I don't allow livestock in the house.” - Erin McCarthy

7. “The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.” - George Bernard Shaw

8. “You need not think that because we chanced to be born of the same parents, I shall suffer you to fasten me down by even the feeblest claim: I can tell you this - if the whole human race, ourselves excepted, were swept away, and we two stood alone on the earth, I would leave you in the old world, and betake myself to new.” - Charlotte Brontë

9. “Except among those whose education has been in the minimalist style, it is understood that hasty moral judgments about people in the past are a form of injustice.” - Jacques Barzun

10. “You're a jerk,' repeated the alien, 'a complete asshole.” - Douglas Adams

11. “The only process you've mastered is the process of elimination, and the only reason you've mastered that is because you can do it in the toilet.” - Orson Scott Card

12. “You," Madeline said, her voice hollow and wheezing, "are like a bad case of herpes, wizard. You're inconvenient, embarassing, no real threat, and you simply will not go away.” - Jim Butcher

13. “We almost made it to thirty seconds without an insult. I think we set a new record.” - Sherrilyn Kenyon

14. “I can only assume," said Jace, "that mortal emotions amuse you because you have none of your own.” - Cassandra Clare

15. “May the IRS find that you deduct your pet sheep as an entertainment expense.” - Christopher Moore

16. “First you say I am a murderer - an agent in league against you - and now I am a deluded heartsick girl! Pray make up your mind so I can scoff at you with precision!” - Gordon Dahlquist

17. “You, you insolent brazen bitch—you really dare to shake that monstrous spear in Father’s face?” - Homer

18. “She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.” - Joan Rivers

19. “His ignorance is encyclopedic.” - Abba Eban

20. “Andrew had a gift for deepening the incision he began.” - Chris Cleave

21. “Come, come," I said. "You may be a lord someday, but you aren't one yet. No need for the courtly manners, and certainly not the moody temper. If you're to be my escort tonight, I insist you be a cheery one. You can even insult me if you like. It always makes you feel better.” - Julie Berry

22. “So, sweeting, why were you threatening to throw Tate out of the house? What did he say?”Leather brushed her chin as he tipped it up. Serious dark eyes met hers. “What did he say?”She glanced around; surely the footmen were too far away to hear. “He wanted to join us in our bed.”“I’ll run him through.”“No! Perhaps he only said it to goad you into a duel. Perhaps it was intended as a way to kill you.”“It was an insult to you, love. That can’t be ignored.”“And so you rush inexorably toward death. I don’t care if he stands on a Drury Lane stage and calls me a courtesan, I won’t have you risking your life.” - Sharon Page

23. “Use a condom. The world doesn't need another you.” - Carroll Bryant

24. “Simply minding one's own business is more offensive than being intrusive. Without ever saying a word one can make a person feel less-than.” - Criss Jami

25. “Otulissa swelled up to twice her normal size. 'Well, SPRINK ON YOUR SPRONK!” - Kathryn Lasky

26. “Takamasa Saegusa: 'Seigen, a mere member of the Toudouza, had the effrontery to sully the sacred dueling ground. For that reason, our lord had already decided to subject him to tu-uchi before long. Cut off his head immediately, and stick it on a pike!'Gennosuke could hardly believe his ears. Such an insult to Irako Seigen was unwarranted. It was pride. For Gennosuke, Irako Seigen was pride itself.Takamasa Saegusa: 'Fujiki Gennosuke! It is the way of the samurai to take the head of the defeated enemy on the battleground. Do not hesitate! If you are a samurai, you must carry out the duty of a samurai!'Samurai...Saegusa, Lord of Izu, continued shouting, but Gennosuke did not attend. That word 'samurai' alone reverberated through his body.If one aims at the juncture between the base of the skull and the spine, decapitation is not that difficult, but Gennosuke could muster no more strength than a baby. He grew pale and trembled with the strain. He could only hack with his sword as if he were sawing wood. He felt nauseated, as if his own cells one after another were being annihilated. But this...Lord Tokugawa Tadanaga: 'I approve.'Takamasa Saegusa: 'Fujiki Gennosuke, for this splendid action you have received words of thanks from our lord. As a sign of his exceptional approval, you shall be given employment at Sunpu Castle. This great debt will by no means be forgotten. From this day forward you must offer your life to our lord!'Prostrating himself, Gennosuke vomited.” - Takayuki Yamaguchi

27. “Ay, that I had not done a thousand more.Even now I curse the day—and yet, I think,Few come within the compass of my curse,—Wherein I did not some notorious ill,As kill a man, or else devise his death,Ravish a maid, or plot the way to do it,Accuse some innocent and forswear myself,Set deadly enmity between two friends,Make poor men's cattle break their necks;Set fire on barns and hay-stacks in the night,And bid the owners quench them with their tears.Oft have I digg'd up dead men from their graves,And set them upright at their dear friends' doors,Even when their sorrows almost were forgot;And on their skins, as on the bark of trees,Have with my knife carved in Roman letters,'Let not your sorrow die, though I am dead.'Tut, I have done a thousand dreadful thingsAs willingly as one would kill a fly,And nothing grieves me heartily indeedBut that I cannot do ten thousand more.” - William Shakespeare

28. “Insult is a monstrous scorpion, and compliment is a likeable nightingale; one stings mercilessly, and the other sings sweetly.” - Mehmet Murat ildan

29. “The man is as useless as nipples on a breastplate.” - George R.R. Martin

30. “If I say you're a goatherd's son, you say, 'Yes, Lord Ralon.'"Alanna gasped with fury. "I'd as soon kiss a pig! Is that what you've been doing-kissing pigs? Or being kissed?” - Tamora Pierce

31. “Where is Polonius?- In heaven; send hither to see: if your messenger find him not there, seek him i' the other place yourself.” - William Shakespeare

32. “What other culture could have produced someone like Hemingway and not seen the joke?” - Gore Vidal

33. “He would make a good lamp post if he'd weather better and didn't have to eat.” - Kurt Vonnegut

34. “It is not insult from another that causes you pain. It is the part of your mind that agrees with the insult. Agree only with the truth about you, and you are free.” - Alan Cohen

35. “He doesn't seem to mind at all that he's stupid about math.” - Wendy Lichtman

36. “We look for pretty girls we can say bad things to. No one shows up.” - Ida Løkås

37. “I was wrong to insult you, and not only because you are my hosts. I am afraid that I mistook kindness for weakness. My apologies. I stand - only with your aid - profoundly corrected.” - Beth Fantaskey

38. “Money-makers are tiresome company, as they have no standard but cash value.” - Plato

39. “If a mark of affection can sometimes be taken for an insult, perhaps the gesture of love is not universal: it too must be translated from one language to another, must be learned.” - Kim Thuy