41 Humorous Quotes For Laughter

In a world that often feels overwhelmingly serious, finding moments of lightheartedness and humor can be a true treasure. Whether it's through a witty remark, a clever observation, or a delightful play on words, humor has a way of lifting our spirits and bringing joy to our everyday lives. We've scoured the depths of comedic wisdom to bring you a curated collection of the top 41 humorous quotes that are sure to ignite laughter. Get ready to chuckle, giggle, and perhaps even belly laugh as you delve into these nuggets of hilarity, perfect for any occasion needing a dose of sunshine.

1. “Humanity is a parade of fools, and I am at the front of it, twirling a baton.” - Dean Koontz

2. “And I was all, "Don't be gross, you crustacious fuck. You pull that thing out and I'll pepper-spray you until you fry." (You have to be stern with weenie waggers--I've been exposed to on the bus over seventeen times, so I know.)” - Christopher Moore

3. “I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them.” - E. V. Lucas

4. “She shook her head as she confessed, "I want it so much, I'm afraid to hope." "Never be afraid to hope," Rohan said gently. "It's the only way to begin." -Rohan to Win” - Lisa Kleypas

5. “All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark, of speaking before a Rotary Club, and of the words "Some Assembly Required".” - Dave Barry

6. “Please put your penises away, gentlemen. Dinner is procured. By a woman.” - Kresley Cole

7. “I doubt you’ve ever been forced to nonstop bang a woman hyped up on the undead voodoo version of Spanish fly, have you?”His chuckle was soft. “Can’t say that I have, Kitten.”“Yeah, well, consider me an original.”This time, when his lips brushed across my skin, it lasted more than a moment.“I always have.” - Jeaniene Frost

8. “I persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.” - Mark Twain

9. “Never can tell when you might come on somebody needs skinning.” - Louis L'Amour

10. “Possession of the box conferred a kind of power on the wielder--which was that anyone, confronted with the hypnotic glass eye, would submissively obey the most peremptory orders about stance and expression.” - Terry Pratchett

11. “Famous people steal my quotes all of the time without knowing; none of it is ever very interesting though.” - Robert DeCoteau

12. “It wasn't a lie, not at all like one of those lies she told herself all the time, like This is the last drink of the evening, or I'm not going to set the bitch's house on fire.” - Melissa de la Cruz

13. “Corrival looked around. 'So is this it? Is everyone here? Erskine, maybe you should start the ball rolling. I have places to go and things to do.''Me?' Ravel asked. 'Why do I have to start it? You're the most respected mage here. You start it, or Skulduggery.'Skulduggery shook his head. 'I can't start it. I don't like most of these people. I might start shooting.” - Derek Landy

14. “Remember, you’re unique. And so is everyone else.” - Jill Shalvis

15. “He crouched at the care window and looked in. "What a lovely family you have. What a charming family. They're all lovely. Except for that one." His finger jabbed the glass. "That one's a bit ugly."The American stepped towards him. "What? What did you say?""Oh, don't worry. I'm sure his personality makes up for his face.” - Derek Landy

16. “I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.” - Derek Landy

17. “Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.” - Chili Davis

18. “You can crab over the morning paper and kick the shins of the guy in the next seat at the movies and feel mean and discouraged and sneer at the politicians but there are a lot of nice people in the world just the same.” - Raymond Chandler

19. “For Breakfast I like my coffee warm and cozy and my eggs funny side up.” - Stanley Victor Paskavich

20. “I was in a department store and the clerk came up to me and said "do you want to lay on the couch' I said "Where's your clip board?” - Stanley Victor Paskavich

21. “When someone says "just saying" what they really mean is, "You would be a colossal idiot to not take my advice." (on Facebook)” - Stephen Altrogge

22. “A true Vor, Miles told himself severely, does not bury his face in his liegewoman's breasts and cry—even if he is at a convenient height for it.” - Lois McMaster Bujold

23. “Every week seems to bring another luxuriantly creamy envelope, the thickness of a letter-bomb, containing a complex invitation – a triumph of paper engineering – and a comprehensive dossier of phone numbers, email addresses, websites, how to get there, what to wear, where to buy the gifts. Country house hotels are being block-booked, great schools of salmon are being poached, vast marquees are appearing overnight like Bedouin tent cities. Silky grey morning suits and top hats are being hired and worn with an absolutely straight face, and the times are heady and golden for florists and caterers, string quartets and Ceilidh callers, ice sculptors and the makers of disposable cameras. Decent Motown cover-bands are limp with exhaustion. Churches are back in fashion, and these days the happy couple are travelling the short distance from the place of worship to the reception on open-topped London buses, in hot-air balloons, on the backs of matching white stallions, in micro-lite planes. A wedding requires immense reserves of love and commitment and time off work, not least from the guests. Confetti costs eight pounds a box. A bag of rice from the corner shop just won’t cut it anymore.” - David Nicholls

24. “Ish #19 "If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?” - Regina Griffin

25. “You learn to smile even in you liver?''Even in my lire, Ketut. Big smile in my liver.” - Elizabeth Gilbert

26. “5. Television is of great educational value. It teaches you while still really young how to (a) kill, (b) rob, (c) embezzle, (d) shoot, (e) poison, and generally speaking, (f) how to grow up into a Wild West outlaw or gangster by the time you leave school.6. Television puts a stop to crime because all the burglars and robbers, instead of going to burgle and rob, sit at home watching The Lone Ranger, Emergency Ward Ten and Dotto.” - George Mikes

27. “There is no need to masturbate your brain, just to ejaculate your thoughts all over the place” - Carroll Bryant

28. “Tell me, Mr. Bennet, how can we amuse you during your visit? Do you hunt?” Lady Catherine was spooning her turtle soup, blowing delicately to cool it.“I am certain an animal would sooner die of laughter than gunshot wound if I even made the attempt.” - Karen V. Wasylowski

29. “You ever had a hickey? I want to give you a hickey.""Karl, we're not fourteen!""Don't bloody care. I was in love with you when I was fourteen -- your neck owes me a hickey."(Karl & Elena)” - Dianna Hardy

30. “It was a hot, moist armpit of a night...” - Mike Carey

31. “If only, I thought, I could talk to Eugene just one more time. This was before I came to understand that you cannot make someone fall in love with you But here's what you can do. By arguing and pleading and screaming and crying and throwing plates and phoning a lot and bringing hot food and sending flowers and buying gifts and doing unsolicited favors and remembering a birthday and being nice and declaring your abiding love and trying hard or sometimes merely by being present, you can make someone who was hitherto lukewarm really detest you.” - Patricia Marx

32. “There is something called the rapture of the deep, and it refers to what happens when a deep-sea diver spends too much time at the bottom of the ocean and can't tell which way is up. When he surfaces, he's liable to have a condition called the bends, where the body can't adapt to the oxygen levels in the atmosphere. All of this happens to me when I surface from a great book.” - Nora Ephron

33. “Asshole," Ephraim muttered as he turned back around.Chris chuckeled. "Is that really any way to talk to your favorite child?""You're not my favorite," Ephraim argued, but they both knew that was bullshit. "I don't have any favorites.""Puhlease," Chris said. "You fucking adore me...” - R.L. Mathewson

34. “And I remind you of your mother now? I have got to look into a manlier cologne.” - Cassandra Clare

35. “Stop teasing you two,” Suzy jumped in, “not all of Kathy’s ideas are wacky.”“Gee thanks. Was that supposed to be a compliment?” - E.A. Bucchianeri

36. “See? That’s it,” he said, waving his hand. “That’s part of what makes us so great, Luce. I’m crazy. You’re crazy. Together, we make our own brand of crazy.” - Nicole Williams

37. “There are times when I am so unlike myself that I might be taken for someone else of an entirely opposite character.” - Jean Jacques Rousseau

38. “You could have heard a bee fluff” - S.W. Lothian

39. “He thought moving to a small town would allow him to find a way to get along to some extent but people were just plain idiots.” - Christine Feehan

40. “I don't think the heavy stuff is gonna come down for quite a while!” ― Bill Murray character in Cadyshack” - Mark Buff

41. “Jim Rosato was recently married, to a Greek nurse. Rosato was half Irish and half Italian, and there was a pool on at the 1st as to which of the two would arrive at work wearing the other's skin as a hat within the year.” - Warren Ellis