45 Funny Quotes To Enjoy

In the hustle and bustle of daily life, a good laugh can be a sweet remedy to lift our spirits. If you're looking for a little comedic relief, you've come to the right place. We've assembled a delightful assortment of the top 45 funny quotes that promise to tickle your funny bone and brighten your day. From witty one-liners to hilarious observations, these quotes offer a perfect blend of humor and insight. So sit back, relax, and get ready to giggle your way through this hand-picked selection of amusing quips.

1. “Writers don't get mad they get even in their novels.” - Candace Bowen Early

2. “Webster said, ''Time them skeeters get done with that old man, his French blood will be all gone and he will speak American as good as we do.” - Peter Matthiessen

3. “Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick.” - Carroll Bryant

4. “It's been nice knowing you, Clara.'Huh? My brain still a bit shell-shocked.'Say a prayer for me, will you? He gives me a shaky grin. Because I'm pretty sure my parents are going to kill me” - Cynthia Hand

5. “Love is relentless, and so am I ;)” - Keisha Keenleyside

6. “Ish #21 "Stop saying the only meat you eat is chicken. It's still meat!” - Regina Griffin

7. “Ish #109 "If MapQuest says make a right, go straight. You'll get there quicker.” - Regina Griffin

8. “Ish #1 "It's not your mama's macaroni and cheese if you used spaghetti noodles.” - Regina Griffin

9. “Ish #303 "It's a street food vendor! Stop asking for the health score rating.” - Regina Griffin

10. “Shit down your computer, and restart.” - Claire Chilton

11. “Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch.” - Lili St. Crow

12. “Well, then, Otter, of course I don’t like Bundt cake. It has eggs in it. Baby chicken eggs. You don’t see chickens standing outside of maternity wards waiting to get our babies to make their Bundt cake, do you?” - T.J. Klune

13. “The na at the end of banana annoys me as much as it would you if it were bananana.” - Lance Manion

14. “If you want breakfast in bed, you have to concider sleeping in the kitchen>” - Foster "Raul" Mkhabele

15. “Liebe auf den ersten Blick existierte. Vielleicht nicht unbedingt zwischen Männern und Frauen. Aber definitiv zwischen Frauen und ganz bestimmten Klamotten. Ich sah es auf den ersten Blick – dieses Kleid und ich, wir waren füreinander geschaffen. ” - Emilia Polo

16. “I’ve seen daggers pierce the chest,Children dying in the road,Crawling things hooked and baited,Rapists bound and then castrated,Villains singed in public square.Yet none these sights did make me cringeLike when my Love cut all her hair.” - Roman Payne

17. “Was it just her, or did lovers look more adoringly at each other in this city? Especially in the springtime.'Die, bastards.'She sighed. It wasn't their fault that they were bastards who should die.” - Kresley Cole

18. “Not to alarm you or anything, but I think you just made a deal with a Mexican gang." I've read Simone Elkeles books. I know how this whole garage as a front thing works.” - Tammy Blackwell

19. “No punching?" he asked."No.""No kicking?""No.""How about arm wrestling?""No. And before you ask, we've avoided Slug Bug, Slap Bets, and any and all Dance-Offs."Fate Succumbs” - Tammy Blackwell

20. “Have you ever chopped down something with an ax? Not fun. I now have serious doubts regarding George Washington and his cherry tree.” - Tammy Blackwell

21. “I've got everything ready to go," I said once he was finally awake and dressed.All the tenderness and vulnerability was gone from his face when he said, "Go where?""America?"His eyes narrowed. "This is America.""This is Canada.""Which is in North America."Silly Canadians wanting be part of the Cool Kids Club.” - Tammy Blackwell

22. “You sure are a sweet girl, Scout. I'm half tempted to keep you.""Ummm... Thanks?" Knowing she was a potential Alpha I worried about what "keeping me" might entail. Probably chains. And whips. And maybe a dog collar.And now I was going to have to live with scary Fifty Shades Aunt Rachel pictures living in my head for all time.” - Tammy Blackwell

23. “You ‘accidentally’ touched his bottom? Didn’t that happen when you last saw him aswell? Surprising how often that seems to be a problem.” - Twisted Hilarity

24. “Excellent,” said Lupin, looking up as Tonks and Harry entered. “We’ve got about a minute, I think. We should probably get out into the garden so we’re ready. Harry, I’ve left a letter telling your aunt and uncle not to worry —” “They won’t,” said Harry. “That you’re safe —” “That’ll just depress them.” “— and you’ll see them next summer.” “Do I have to?” - J.K. Rowling

25. “Hey! When he dug into it, rifling through her things, she snapped, "Go Yoda someone else's supplies, asshole.” - Kresley Cole

26. “i like it because it is so funny and harry is so rude and but sometime he ca be nice to people.” - suzy kline

27. “How can you stand touching her?” my sister blurted, staring at our clasped hands. “Doesn’t that hurt?”I seized on the change of topic. “These gloves are specialized rubber. They block the current.”Gretchen’s gaze traveled over Vlad, disbelief still stamped on her features. “Yeah, but how do you two do anything else, unless he has a special, currentrepellingglove for his—”“Gretchen!” my father cut her off.My cheeks felt hot. Don’t say a word, I thought to Vlad, seeing his chest tremble with suppressed laughter.“He has a natural immunity,” I gritted out.” - Jeaniene Frost

28. “Yes! Yes! There's the attitude. Where was that girl during the race? Off getting sushi?” - Doug Solter

29. “You've always been there for me. Always. Even when I…" V"Even when you what?" B"You know." V"What?" B"Fuck. Even when I was in love with you. Or some shit." VButch clasped his hands to his chest. "Was? Was? I can't believe you've lost interest." He threw one arm over his eyes, all Sarah Bernhardt. "My dreams of our future are shattered—" B"Shut it, cop." VButch looked out from under his arm. "Are you kidding me? The reality show I had planned was fantastic. Was going to pitch it to VH1. Two Bites Are Better Than One. We were going to make millions ." B"Oh, for the love.” - J.R. Ward

30. “Turner let his face fell into his hands. "I'm never going to touch her again", he moaned. "He's never going to touch me again!" they heard Miranda roar."Well,it doesn't look like you'll have much argument from your wife on that point", Olivia chirped.” - Julia Quinn

31. “I am Butler. Anything I say sounds scary.” - Eoin Colfer

32. “Intelligent life on other planets? I'm not even sure there is on earth!” - Albert Einstein

33. “My mother, my psychiatrist and an assortment of sedatives eventually convinced me I was delusional.” - Wayne Gerard Trotman

34. “I've decided I don't like books that end with 'The End'. The fact that there are no more pages, suggests to me that the book has ended.” - Wayne Gerard Trotman

35. “When approaching a prospective human, first ask them what their name is. * If it replies "Brains," blow its fucking head off. * If it replies "Brian," ask it again, as you may have encountered a zombie with a speech impediment, or a zombie that was mildly retarded in life. * Keep in mind that it is entirely possible that you did encounter a human named "Brian.” - Etienne Guerin DeForest

36. “You look worse today than you did when you had two blackeyes.”“Why, thank you, Tyler. You always say the sweetest things.” - Gwen Hayes

37. “She stared into his eyes and announced, “A good-bye kiss.”It was at that Raid stopped dead. “What?”“Raiden, the gig is up,” she declared, and Raid closed his eyes.Jesus, how could the woman be so infuriating and so fucking cute all at once?He opened his eyes and asked, “The gig is up?”She leaned into him and hissed, “Yes.”Fuck, he wanted to kiss her.He also wanted to shake her.“Baby, it’s jig,” he corrected, and her head jerked, which made that mess of hair on her head jerk, which reminded him he wanted his hands in that hair.Then elsewhere.He needed to speed this shit up.“Sorry?” she asked, sounding confused, and he looked from her hair to her eyes and saw she was, in fact, confused.Yeah. Infuriating. And fucking cute.“The jig is up, not the gig,” he told her.Her eyes narrowed. “Seriously? You’re correcting my street lingo?”“Think that street lingo was the street lingo about eight decades ago, Hanna. So now it’s just lingo.” - Kristen Ashley

38. “Everybody! This is my cousin right here, and he just dethroned God's gift to Women - Griffin” - S.C. Stephens

39. “Jeez, you’re strong.” And you, Sam, are a conversational reject.” - Anne Tenino

40. “Your insult has offended me. If we were at the Peaks, we would have to duel in traditional alil'tiki'i fashion.""Which is what?" Teft asked. "With spears?"Rock laughed. "No, no. We upon the Peaks are not barbarians like you down here.""How then?" Kaladin asked, genuinely curious."Well," Rock said, "is involving much mudbeer and singing."“How's that a duel?”"He who can still sing after the most drinks is winner. Plus, soon' everyone is so drunk that they forget what argument was about."Teft laughed. "Beats knives at dawn, I suppose.” - Brandon Sanderson

41. “One quick glance around the room and I realise that I have somehow stumbled into a wannabe serial killer convention. Every single person in the room looks as if they are concealing a weapon of some sort. My heart thuds rapidly in my chest as I sneak past an elderly man who grins lecherously at me, flashing his gold tooth. Oh dear God, I’m going to die!First, I get dumped – on my birthday no less – and now I’m going to get knifed in some seedy bar!” - J.C. McClean

42. “Am I picking you up tonight?” he asked. “Or do you still think I'm an ax murderer who might break into your house and off you and your family?”“Pretty sure you'd go all parkour on us. Instead of using an ax.”“Parkour? You think I'd use your family as an obstacle course?”“What?” I asked.He smothered a laugh. “Parkour is non-contact.”I felt my face redden. How was I supposed to know all that guy crap?” - Anna Cruise

43. “I love to stalk. I love to stalk you real, real good. I took your name home after our date and we had the best Google session of my life.” - Anyta Sunday

44. “Dude! Get a fucking grip, it's just a song! When had I turned into a 5-yr-old girl? At the very least, I needed to get my libido under control before the song finished, because I didn’t think that my raging hard-on would be a good icebreaker. Well, figuratively speaking anyway, I thought smugly.” - M.C. Lavocat

45. “For a split second, I wondered if he were some type of sexy sorcerer, who was able to remove my clothing by the force of his will alone. I squeezed my eyes shut and focused on the buttons of his shirt, willing them to pop off. It didn’t work. Then again, it was pretty hard to focus while he was touching me, so maybe under different circumstances, I too could be a sexy sorcerer. Watch out world.” - M.C. Lavocat