Laughter is truly the best medicine, and sometimes all it takes is a clever quote to brighten your day. Whether you’re in need of a quick chuckle or a witty comeback, our handpicked collection of 54 humorous quotes is sure to bring a smile to your face. Dive in and enjoy these playful words that celebrate the lighter side of life!
1. “I'm an American, our names don't mean shit.” - Quentin Tarantino
2. “Blast ignorant people with high-powered streams of information and wisdom, but only when fire hoses are not readily available.” - Cassandra Duffy
3. “99% of all problems can be solved by money -- and for the other 1% there's alcohol.” - Quentin R. Bufogle
4. “We lost Klimmt, Schiele and Moll” - George Pratt
5. “The truckers are staring," I said after a few seconds.It was true. They were. The whole row of them was doing a bad job of pretending not to look at us. "We just got engaged," Lucy shouted over to them. "I just asked this man to be my wife."The men at the counter traded confused looks. I burst out laughing. "We're glad you and your ass cracks could share this moment with us," she went on. "Seriously. We really are. Those are serious cracks and this is a serious moment.” - Nick Burd
6. “Wow,” says Peter, “when your guidance counselor tells you to die, you really have problems.” - Adam Selzer
7. “Drink to me! I just realized that I've slept with everyone at this table! ~Nell” - Jennifer Crusie
8. “Love is as we will it to be." ~ Amunhotep El Bey” - Amunhotep El Bey
9. “Only love will attract love.”~ Amunhotep El Bey” - Amunhotep El Bey
10. “In my book an erection constitutes personal growth.” - Amunhotep El Bey
11. “well you can be sure I'd stop forcing the poor Jews to tart up their humble little temple dedication anniversary into some corn-fed whore of a holiday to compete with our super-slut three-titted Christmas.” - Agusten Burroughs
12. “Pardon me Mam,I'm new in town, could you please show me the way to your house?” - Frank Calvin Mann
13. “Yea though I walk through the Valley of Death, I shall fear no evil, for I am the baddest M-F in the valley.” - Cherise Sinclair
14. “Do you believe your gentle birth will turn a bullet?""Why, yes," Rhett said solemnly. "Hell yes! Gentle birth's got to be good for something!” - Donald McCaig
15. “Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself. (T-Shirt)” - Darynda Jones
16. “Ask me about my complete lack of interest. (T-shirt)” - Darynda Jones
17. “Intelligence is being intelligent enough to know you're not so intelligent as you intelligently once thought.” - Carroll Bryant
18. “If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is NOT for you. (BUMPER STICKER)” - Darynda Jones
19. “...there occurred to me the simple epitaph which, when I am no more, I intend to have inscribed on my tombstone. It was this:"He was a man who acted from the best motives. There is one born every minute.” - P.G. Wodehouse
20. “If laughter is the best medicine, let's OD together.” - Michael P. Clutton
21. “Have you hugged your favorite Dork lately? Most of us are squeezably soft and adorable.” - Michael P. Clutton
22. “Tis well thou art not fish; if thou hadst, thou hadst been poor-John.” - William Shakespeare
23. “Now we see the violence inherent in the system!” - Python Monty
24. “I get no sense from his note at all,” said Will, bounding to his feet, “except that he can quote Tennyson’s lesser poetry. Sophie, how quickly canyou have Tessa ready?”“Half an hour,” said Sophie, not looking up from the dress.“Meet me in the courtyard in half an hour, then,” said Will. “I’ll wake Cyril. And be prepared to swoon at my finery.” - Cassandra Clare
25. “Pop music is like an auditory cup of coffee. It has no nutritional value but it gets you going.” - Jim Moorman
26. “Actually, watching television and surfing the Internet are really excellent practice for being dead.” - Chuck Palahniuk
27. “God made him, and therefore let him pass for a man. In truth, I know it is a sin to be a mocker, but he! why, he hath a horse better than the Neapolitan’s, a better bad habit of frowning than the Count Palentine; he is every man in no man. If a throstle sing, he falls straight a-cap’ring. He will fence with his own shadow. If I should marry him, I should marry twenty husbands.” - William Shakespeare
28. “If they were afraid of him, then he must be Satan or something even worse, like maybe Sarah Palin.” - Stephani Hecht
29. “Oh, drat the men! No matter what they do, it's the wrong thing. And no matter who they are, it's somebody they shouldn't be. They do exasperate me.” - L.M. Montgomery
30. “Carrot started to clap.It wasn't the clap used by middlings to encourage underlings to applaud overlings. It had genuine enthusiasm behind it which was, somehow, worse.” - Terry Pratchett
31. “Does breakfast in bed count as a morning workout?” - Elizabeth Jane Howard
32. “Mr. and Mrs. Lowell are not receiving."What the hell did that mean? "I'm not throwing a forty-yard pass. I just have a few questions. I think their daughter is in danger.” - Darynda Jones
33. “Enjoy every ounce of your life, get high and be sincere to anybody that comes around you.” - Salman Aditya
34. “First month honey. . .Next month pie. . .Third month. . .Get out here and work, you damn bitch, same as I.” - Karen Cecil Smith
35. “Runāsim labāk par mūsu dārgo skolu, atcerēsimies saldos, mīļos, labi nobarotos cāļus!” - Eriks Ādamsons
36. “Eventually my dad got home from work and set his briefcase down.'So. How was practice?' he asked'It was good. Why? Did you hear it wasn't?' I said, trying to keep my cool.'Son, no offense, but you play Little League. It's not the Yankees. I don't get daily reports about who's hitting the shit out of the ball” - Justin Halpern
37. “Leo could run pretty fast when someone was trying to kill him. Sadly, he’d had a lot of practice.” - Rick Riordan
38. “if everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane(T-Shirt)” - Darynda Jones
39. “My dad was a fairy," said Zach. "And by that I don't mean he dressed well and enjoyed musical theatre.” - Ben Aaronovitch
40. “The correspondent wondered ingenuously how in the name of all that was sane could there be people who thought it amusing to row a boat. It was not an amusement; it was a diabolical punishment, and even a genius of mental aberrations could never conclude that it was anything but a horror to the muscles and a crime against the back.” - Stephen Crane
41. “Humans are animals, but aren’t we supposed to be civilized animals?” - Justine Monikue
42. “If all else fails, stop drop and roll..works for me..:)” - Melissa Mercer
43. “I'll be fine. Maybe I should make up a magic milk bath with the Golden Fruit, huh?" I laughed.Kishan considered and grinned. "A giant bowlful of milk with you in the middle might be a little too much for us cats to resist.” - Colleen Houck
44. “I've never been a big fan of exercise. I just can't think of any other way to feel good." Kinsey Milhone” - Sue Grafton
45. “She never saw the point of making fun of strangers – how could you possibly know enough about them to hit below the belt?” - Daniel Marks
46. “... but some say that reality is what happens inside a writer's head, and it is fiction which takes place outside it.” - Barry A. Whittingham
47. “In my family nudity just doesn’t exist; I’m pretty sure my parents were both born fully clothed and still shower that way.” - Huston Piner
48. “Occasionally a moderately intelligent thought misses a turn and accidentally enters my mind” - Barry Hughart
49. “Old as carbon," Nix agreed. "And so powerful I'm working on my demigoddess badges.” - Kresley Cole
50. “I'm writing a book on Procrastination. I hope to start it tomorrow. I've been thinking about it for almost six years now.” - Ron Moore
51. “Praise can be your most valuable asset as long as you don't aim it at yourself.” - Orlando A. Battista
52. “Chomsky is a pencil-and-paper theoretician who wouldn't know Jabba the Hutt from the Cookie Monster,” - Steven Pinker
53. “Then I yelled through his door, "It's an anniversary gift for you, asshole. Two whole weeks early. FIFTEEN YEARS IS BIG METAL CHICKENS.” - Jenny Lawson
54. “During the settling of the American colonies, it was said that the Spaniards would first build a church, the Dutch would first build a fort and the English a tavern. Welcome to Charleston, an English colony founded in 1670.” - Mark Jones
