56 Relationship Humor Quotes

Navigating the landscape of relationships, whether romantic or platonic, can be both a beautiful adventure and a complex puzzle. Amidst the highs and lows, humor often serves as the perfect glue, bringing couples and friends closer together, while also providing a refreshing perspective on everyday challenges. That's why we've curated an irresistible collection of the top 56 relationship humor quotes, each one offering a delightful blend of wit and warmth. Prepare to laugh, nod in agreement, and perhaps even share these gems with someone special. Dive in and let humor add an extra sparkle to your relationships!

1. “I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.” - Steven Wright

2. “Men are men, mortal or not.” - KC Randall

3. “The venn diagram of boys who don’t like smart girls and boys you don’t wanna date is a circle.” - John Green

4. “When someone leaves you, apart from missing them, apart from the fact that the whole little world you've created together collapses, and that everything you see or do reminds you of them, the worst is the thought that they tried you out and, in the end, the whole sum of parts adds up to you got stamped REJECT by the one you love. How can you not be left with the personal confidence of a passed over British Rail sandwich?” - Helen Fielding

5. “I can't seem to fathom that the things important to me are not important to other people as well, and so I come off sounding like a missionary, someone whose job it is to convert rather than listen.” - David Sedaris

6. “Granana doesn't understand what the big deal is. She didn't cry at Olivia's funeral, and I doubt she even remembers Olivia's name. Granana lost, like, ninety-two million kids in childbirth. All of her brothers died in the war. She survived the Depression by stealing radish bulbs from her neighbors' garden, and fishing the elms for pigeons. Dad likes to remind us of this in a grave voice, as if it explained her jaundiced pitilessness: "Boys. Your grandmother ate pigeons.” - Karen Russell

7. “You're not having sex with him. I know these guys, and you don't. I'm trusting you with Claudia Reeshman. You need to trust me about Dean Robillard." She wouldn't let him off that easily. "You're looking for a wife. Maybe I'm just looking for a little fun." "If you need fun," he shot back, 'I'll give you fun." She was stunned.” - Susan Elizabeth Phillips

8. “Ranger appeared in the bathroom doorway and I was too relieved to be embarrassed. "I appreciate you coming out in the middle of the night," I said.Ranger smiled. "I didn't want to miss seeing you chained up naked.” - Janet Evanovich

9. “Boyfriend huh? I didn't realize we had taken things to that level.""Oh, I'm sorry--this is my first undercover operation," Jordan said. "I'm a little unclear about the rules. Are we seeing other people in this fake relationship?” - Julie James

10. “Mereka yang sekalipun belum pernah naik vespa adalah penyia-nyia hidup” - ifdal sukri

11. “jodohmu bukan kereta, baiknya jangan hanya di tunggu, tapi di cari!” - ifdal sukri

12. “Me arrodillé ante un póster de Marilyn Monroe y le pedí su intervención. Le rogué que borrara mi nombre de su agenda y de su mente desquiciada.” - Raúl Rodríguez Cetina

13. “His mind’s always on something else. He’d live in a ratty cardigan, and he’s always worrying holes in the pockets of his pants. He can never seem to find his wallet or anything in the refrigerator. And just when you think he’s not paying any attention to what you’re saying or doing, he comes up with exactly the right answer or solution.”", [J.D. Robb, Celebrity In Death"“People""who expect perfection in a mate miss a lot of fun—and sweetness.", [J.D. Robb, Celebrity In Death]” - J.D. Robb

14. “Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.” - Carroll Bryant

15. “I suffer for birds and firefliesbut not frogs, she said,and threw him across the room.Kaboom!Like a genie out of a samovar,a handsome prince arose in the corner of the bedroom.” - Anne Sexton

16. “People aren't truly evolving, they're just mastering new and cyber-sanctioned ways to get what they want.” - Jessa Callaver

17. “There are some things I don't understand about Jess and never will. No wedding dress. No flowers. No photo album. No champagne. The only thing she got out of her wedding was a husband. (I mean, obviously the husband is the main point when you get married. Absolutely. That goes without saying. But still, not even a new pair of shoes?)” - Sophie Kinsella

18. “Will you bloody say something?" I demanded at last, in a voice that shook oiliv a little. His mouth opened, but no words came out. He shook his head slowly from side to side. "Jesus," he whispered at last.” - Diana Gabaldon

19. “I wish I could print up a sign and tape it on my forehead. I OFFICIALLY DO NOT WANT TO KISS ETHAN WATE. NOW PLEASE LET ME BE FRIENDS WITH HIM.” - Kami Garcia

20. “Clay, if anyone followed anyone, it was me tagging along after you. I didn’t dare order you around.”“Load of shit,” he muttered, but she thought she heard a softening in his tone. “You fucking made me attend tea parties.”She remembered his threat before the first one: “Tell anyone and I’ll eat you and use your bones as toothpicks.”~ Talin and Clay dialogue” - Nalini Singh

21. “What do you think?” I asked, a teasing smile curving my lips. “Did we know each other in another life?”He gave a faint smile. “I can guarantee it.”I looked up at him, surprised by his seriousness. “Oh really?” I said, cocking an eyebrow coyly, “So what was I like, oh-expert-on-my-past-life?”A smile touched his lips. As he thought, he seemed to be in another place.When he came out of his trance, he answered, “Similar to how you are now. Smart,funny, stunningly beautiful . . . and you were a horrible pool player then too.” He laughed as I punched him in the shoulder.“Very funny,” I said.“Your punches used to hurt less though.” - Angela Corbett

22. “Safety tip. When you see smoke run, never wait for fire.” - Danielle Sibarium

23. “I will never deny that life isn't fair. It seems as though when a woman leaves a man she is strong and independent, but when a man leaves a woman he is a pig and a jerk.” - Criss Jami

24. “Just because you're in the market for a minivan doesn't mean you can't test drive a hotrod.” - Inez Kelley

25. “I see uncool people!” - Tonya Hurley

26. “Charity groped for the phone, coming up with it at last and croaking "hello" in a voice that sounded exactly like a bullfrog's mating call. Which made a kind of twisted sense -- last night she'd been hunting for a mate as well.” - Elizabeth Jane Howard

27. “Laurie: Besides marrying for love is vastly over-rated. There will be no guarantees that love will last. But a million dollars lasts a long time if you invest it properly” - Carol Grace

28. “What's your favorite movie?...that should be our question. When we don't know what to say. Movies are a safe topic. What's wrong with the standard 'how's it going?' because all you get is 'Okay' or 'Fine', and then what? You're back where you started. It's a useless question. Like anyone is going to tell you how it's really going.” - Lisa Schroeder

29. “Every letter was a love letter. Of course, as love letters went, this one could have been better. It was not very promising, for instance, that Madeleine claimed not to want to see him for the next half-century.” - Jeffrey Eugenides

30. “I smile quietly. She is with me all the time. I feel stupid now, for not seeing it sooner. But hey, at least we'll have this strange story to tell, love and death and blood and daddy-issues. And holy crap, I am a psychiatrist's wet dream."- Cas Lowood, Anna Dressed in Blood” - Kendare Blake

31. “Did you know that..........'embargo' spelled backwards is 'o grab me” - Colin Mochrie

32. “In any perfect relationship men should remember it's a matter of direction; she takes what's right and you take what's left.” - Solitaire Parke

33. “Men are very sensitive, Mma Makutsi. You would not always think it to look at them, but they are. They do not like you to point out that they are wrong, even when they are. That is the way things are, Mma--it just is.” - Alexander McCall Smith

34. “When we do it again," he told her, his hands hot on her, "it'll be where I want,when I want,with spotlights if I want.""I don't think so", she said and he kissed her again and she thought, Oh, hell, wherever you want, and kissed him back."Whatever I want," he whispered in her ear."Okay," she whispered back.” - Jennifer Cruise (Bet Me)

35. “Vin: I don't know -- and it's all your fault, you know. I used to understand everything. Now it's all confused.Kelsier: Yes, we've messed you up right properly.” - Brandon Sanderson

36. “You love the bitch from hell? Well then, you must be nuts.” - Sophie Kinsella

37. “I'd rather have rabies than be in love.""Why?""Because at least you can get over rabies with some shots.” - Shelly Laurenston

38. “Are Cady and O'Neill Ever going to get together?" Those amber eyes weighed me heavily, and then he answered my question with a question. "Do you think they should?" "Well I said, "they've been through an awful lot together. And if there's only one book left, it kind of seems like they're running out of time” - Richelle Mead

39. “I suppose you're right about some perspectives. Just a few weeks ago, I thought you were a dickhead.” - Mary E. Pearson

40. “I wish for you four animals: a mink on the shoulders, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom, and a jackass to pay for it all. To you!” - John Oldale

41. “Normally writers do not talk much,because they are saving their conversations for the readers of their book-those invisible listeners with whom we wish to strike a sympathetic chord.” - Ruskin Bond

42. “That's because we were together for two years and she led me on a treacherous journey through bitchy, across frigid, and into the land of cheating psycho. I barely escaped with my life. It required a week of solid moping just so my balls could grow back.” - S.E. Culpepper

43. “I am afraid it is quite clear, Cecily, that neither of us is engaged to be married to any one.” - Oscar Wilde

44. “Yeah, well. If you're staying here in hopes of making out with Alaska, I sure wish you wouldn't. If you unmoor her from the rock that is Jake, God have mercy on us all. That would be some drama, indeed. And as a rule, I like to avoid drama.""It's not because I want to make out with her.""Hold on." He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he'd just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at me. "I just did some calculations, and I've been able to determine that you're full of shit." And he was right.” - John Green

45. “Trick.” I say a little louder.“Shhh, sleep baby.” He mumbles. I laugh and smack his arm.“Wake up. I can feel your morning wood.” This gets his attention and he sits up, taking me with him. The arms wrapped around my middle graze my breasts as he shifts up and a tingle shoots straight between my legs.“God, Caroline, I’m so...” He stops, probably realizing that he doesn't have morning wood, “I don't have...” He’s actually pretty cute all sleepy. He laughs.“I know but I couldn't figure out how else to get your attention.” I shrug.” - K. Larsen

46. “It was this feminine conspiracy which made Southern society so pleasant. Women knew that a land where men were contented, uncontradicted ans safe in possession of unpunctured vanity was likely to be a very pleasant place for women to live. So, from the cradle to the grave, women strove to make men pleased with themselves, and the satisfied men repaid lavishly with gallantry and adoration. In fact, men willingly gave ladies everything in the world except credit for having intelligence.” - Margaret Mitchell

47. “Crying all the time had made her more beautiful. Grief will do that sometimes. Not for me. Loretta had left months ago and I still looked like hell.” - Junot Diaz

48. “It won't be whiskey, won't be methIt'll be your name on my last breathIf divorce or death ever do us partThe coroner will call it a broken heart” - The Band Perry

49. “I don't see how being married could be any worse than listening to you talk for twenty years, but that still ain't much of a recommendation for it.” - Larry McMurtry

50. “So thirsty," Jack groaned."So worried,"said the frog. I hope we don't starve to death.""Yes,"said Jill, "not starving to death would be nice.""So would not thirsting to death," said Jack"Thirsting isn't even a word," said Jill"It isn't?""No.""Then what's the word?""I dont know. You just can't.""Oh."This is, of course, the kind of inane conversation that occurs when people are slowly losing their minds.” - Adam Gidwitz

51. “There’s pretty much no way for me to answer that without sounding like an asshole, so maybe you could do me a solid and not make me.” - Alex Potvin

52. “She pushed the car. But I was so distracted that i forgot to push the button on the timer, so we had to do the whole thing again. Which Lindsey found hilarious. "Ok" she said. "Are you ready NOW, or do we have to send you back to Button Pushing one-oh-one?" "Um, what's Button Pushing One-oh-one?" I was wearing a button down shirt that day. Lindsey reached out and poked one of the buttons into my chest. "There, that's how you push a button. Any questions?” - Jordan Sonnenblick

53. “I have something very important to say to you, but I can't tell you what it is. It's a very important thing, but I'll tell you another time.” - Rhona Cameron

54. “It felt like I had a thousand packs of Strawberry Pop Rocks simultaneously detonating in my chest, and I dilated at least eight centimeters!” - Piper Faust

55. “Sorry, but I'd rather sit home eating Vienna sausage straight from the can watching Andy Griffith reruns than be forced to dine with that Oompa-Loompa!” - Piper Faust

56. “Watch it, buster. There's only room for one sarcastic malcontent in this relationship.” - Christine Warren