62 Humorous Quotes For Laughter

Laughter is often hailed as the best medicine, a universal tonic that transcends barriers and unites us in joy. Whether it’s a light chuckle or a full-bellied guffaw, humor has an extraordinary power to uplift our spirits and shift our perspectives. In a world that sometimes feels too serious, finding amusement in clever quips and witty observations can be wonderfully refreshing. Dive into our curated collection of the top 62 humorous quotes, each one handpicked to bring a smile to your face and a little joy to your day.

1. “She was an alien, really - a sort of eating, pooping, tantrum machine - and he didn't understand anything about her species.” - Christopher Moore

2. “Rose is in red, But never in blue, Sharp as a thorn, Fights like one too.” - Richelle Mead

3. “Let's chow, and then we'll get our books," Tony said. Just as the door was about to close behind us, he added, "You act like you've never had food before.” - Rebecca Maizel

4. “I thought you were a drunk.""A drunk?""Bloodshot eyes, dirty clothes, getting home in the wee hours of the morning, making a lot ofnoise, grouchy all the time as if you had a hangover… what else was I to think?"He rubbed his face. "Sorry, I wasn't thinking. I should have showered, shaved, and dressed in asuit before I came out to tell you that you were making enough noise to raise the dead.” - Linda Howard

5. “Good taste is death. Vulgarity is life.” - Mary Quant

6. “Primele încercări de predare a unei limbi, mă refer la engleză, cimpanzeilor datează abia din secolul XX. Toate au dat greş, inclusiv una dintre cele mai cunoscute, făcută pe la sfârşitul anilor '40 de o familie de cercetători americani, Hayes, care au crescut un cimpanzeu, pe Vicky, ca pe copilul lor. Degeaba. După luni şi luni de învăţare, Vicky bolborosea vag patru cuvinte: tata, mama, pahar, sus. «Tată, mamă, să ridicăm un pahar». Sigur, fraza e foarte utilă la aniversări, dar cam atât.” - Pascal Picq

7. “No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away...” - Terry Pratchett

8. “The only way to see everything, my dear, is to see it absolutely.” - Sherry Lynn Ferguson

9. “The trouble with eating Italian is that 5 or 6 days later, you're hungry again.” - George Miller

10. “People think common sense is common - but it's not.” - Don Cherry

11. “My eyes bulged out of my head as I saw what rested between his hips. “Good Lord!” I said without thinking. A forked penis will do that to a girl. He glanced down at the appendage and smiled knowingly. “Once you go demon you never go back.” - Jaye Wells

12. “One time he killed a man who had found out that he was nephew to Von Hindenburg and second cousin to the devil” - F. Scott Fitzgerald

13. “That's part of your curse. To drive men mad with desire and feel no pleasure"."Great," I muttered. "And all this time I thought I was frigid.” - Kristina Douglas

14. “It would be like The Rock versus Seth Green. Now, tell me who he is” - Tammy Blackwell

15. “You should treat the trivial things in life seriously and the serious things in life with a sincere and studied triviality” - Oscar Wilde

16. “I would like to tell you that I wrote my book to push back artistic boundaries. But I didn't. I wrote it to impress a girl.” - Gideon Defoe

17. “She nodded, grabbed her purse out of the drawer and skedaddled, walking like she was on a catwalk, one foot in front of the other, her ass swaying under the skirt of her expensive, tailored suit.Bitch. I thought again, watching her go.“No comparison,” Luke said after the door closed behind Dawn and I turned to him.“Excuse me?”“Dawn’s a man eater. You’re not. No comparison,” Luke answered and I didn’t know how to take that.“Is that good?”The half-smile came back.“Most men prefer to do the eating.”Holy fucking cow.” - Kristen Ashley

18. “There was my life before I told a strange woman in a negligee that I was a homosexual, and now there would be my life after, two chapters so dissimilar in style and content that they might have been written by different people.” - David Sedaris

19. “His father cultivated art and self-realisation; his mother went in for simplicity and hygiene. Hence the child, during his tenderer years, was wholly unacquainted with any drink between the extremes of absinth and cocoa, of both of which he had a healthy dislike.” - G. K. Chesterton

20. “He looks at me for a long moment. “You’re not the type of woman who gives up easily, are you?” Ican’t tell if he admires this trait or sees it as a sign of deteriorating mental health.” - Eileen Cook

21. “I believe in love. Unfortunately, it doesn't believe me. Lust, on the other hand, is a nagging wife poking constantly at my DNA.” - Carroll Bryant

22. “Ah college years, those were the days. Pure freedom ... leaving home for the first time…the parties…”"What about the tutorials, the lectures, the large building with all the books called the ‘library’?”“Is that what those were?” Gerry blithely replied.” - E.A. Bucchianeri

23. “Do you realise how much trouble you're in?""Perhaps I'll have some Weetabix after all.” - Anthony Horowitz

24. “We're famous" iggy whispered so low that Fang could barely hear him."So's Swine Flu" Fang whispered back.” - James Patterson

25. “You said,' Camille protested, 'that when you wanted to get on terms with Gabrielle you cultivated her mother. It's true, everybody saw you doing it, boasting in Italian and rolling your eyes and doing your tempestuous southerner impersonation.” - Hilary Mantel

26. “Adrian Mole's diaryEasterPoor Jesus, it must have been dead awful for him. I wouldn't have the guts to do it myself.” - Sue Townsend

27. “Jimmy held on to the reins for dear life, and thought that a horse was about the most slippery creature to sit on that he had ever met. He slithered first one way and then another, and at last he slid off altogether and landed with a bump on the ground. Sticky Stanley and Lotta held on to one another and laughed till the tears ran down their faces. They thought it was the funniest sight in the world to see poor Jimmy slipping about on the solemn, cantering horse.” - Enid Blyton

28. “Saliņu maizi Kalifornijā neizcepsi – izstiepies vai saraujies. Kādā valstī dzīvo, tādu maizi ēd… Ābeles šejienes karstumā neaug. Bērziņi nīkuļo. Nevar jau svešumā ietaisīt gabalu no Latvijas. To, mīļie, var uzcelt tikai iedomās. Bet, ja esi sirdī kārtīgs latvietis, tad sēdi mierīgs zem kaktusiem un palmām, tie nekaitēs tev nenieka.” - Anšlavs Eglītis

29. “I had an aunt named 'abnormal Shauna' once. But she passed away in an unfortunate cliff-top interpretative dance and fireworks accident.” - Joshua Donellan

30. “I've had quite enough danger for a while I think. I might have some more when I'm thirteen, but definitely not before then...” - Joshua Donellan

31. “...food was at least three million per cent more delicious when you ate it immediately after thinking you were going to die.” - Joshua Donellan

32. “Never say no to now” - Benny Bellamacina

33. “Went to get coffee today-opened my change purse. Sea shells fell out. Barista goes "Sorry, we only take cash or credit." So there's that.” - Taylor Swift

34. “(backpacker having conversation with Lizzie the Australian main character)Backpacker: 'What's the drinking age in Australia?''eighteen''is that enforced'Lizzie thought for a second before answering seriously, 'yes, they make us drink” - Catherine Deveny

35. “Yes. Because every family needs a laser for thier family jet.” - Eoin Colfer

36. “The English winter is long, cold and wet, just like the English summer” - Benny Bellamacina

37. “There was a knock on the bedroom door. “Matt?”Fuck. “Nope.Silence. “Would you be the owner of the leather pants?”“Yep.”She paused briefly. “I’m going to pass these through the door. You have exactly thirty seconds to pull them on, make yourself presentable and get your ass out here.”“Do I have any other options?”“Only if Matt’s got a window.”He looked at the window longingly. The thirty-six-story drop with no fire escape might be less painful, but he decided there was no avoiding it. “Understood.” - Christine Price

38. “Optimism was for children. Once you reached adulthood then you had to join the rest of the world as a realist - life was a bag of shit you were expected to pay for.” - N.C. Thomas

39. “His Greatness the King Pteppicymon XXVIII, Lord of the Heavens, Charioteer of the Wagon of the Sun, Steersman of the Barque of the Sun, Guardian of the Secret Knowledge, Lord of the Horizon, Keeper of the Way, the Flail of Mercy, the High Born One, the Never Dying King.” - Terry Pratchett

40. “Embrace your enemy,” the elders urged, “to prevent him striking you.” (“Embrace your enemy,” Henry quipped, “to feel his dagger tickle your kidneys.”)” - David Mitchell

41. “Some perv lured you here via a magical website?” - A.G. Howard

42. “When you get beef from the butcher, you don’t feel bad for the cow that has been killed. But if someone asked you to wield a knife and kill the cow yourself, you wouldn’t be able to do it.”“Are you saying that you are a cow?”“Exactly.”“What?”“You found me alive and couldn’t bring yourself to kill me. It would have been alright if the storm had finished me off. I am like that cow and the storm is the butcher. Do you see now?”“Yes, I see. You absolutely insist that you are a cow. I am not arguing.” - Anya Wylde

43. “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” - Henny Youngman

44. “I'm sorry, honey. I'm sure if you were a terrorist, you'd make a wonderful one” - Madeleine George

45. “The festivities were broken up by Pandora, who lobbed a scoop of ice cream at Lex that landed on the table with a sticky sploosh.“Don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!” she screeched, jigging back into the kitchen.” - Gina Damico

46. “Honestly I don't know why i have these parties""Because of your cat""That's true. Chairman Meow deserves my every effort” - Cassandra Clare

47. “Murphy caught that arm and continued the motion, using her own body as a fulcrum in a classic hip throw - except that Binder was facing in the opposite direction than usual for that technique.You could hear his arm come out of its socket fifty feet away.And then he hit the gravel face-first.Binder got extra points for brains in my book, after that: he lay still and didn't put up a struggle as Murphy dragged his wrists behind his back and cuffed him.I traded a glance with Mouse and said, wisely, 'Hard-core.” - Jim Butcher

48. “I admit," Morgan said with another withering look, "it's no donut.” - Jim Butcher

49. “Sir," said the guard from behind me. "I'd appreciate it if you left your club here."I paused and looked over my shoulder, He had a gun. His hand wasn't exactly resting on it, but he'd tucked his thumb into his belt about half an inch away."It isn't a club," I said calmly. "It's a walking stick.""Six feet long.""It's traditional Ozark folk art.""With dents and nicks all over it."I thought about it for a second. "I'm insecure?""Get a blanket.” - Jim Butcher

50. “After a few minutes, Molly came partway up the short ladder to the bridge and stopped. "Do I need to ask permission to come up there or something?""Why would you?" I asked.She considered. "It's what they do on Star Trek?” - Jim Butcher

51. “Peabody may not have seen the man turn into a grizzly, but he was bright enough to know that Injun Joe was getting set to adjust another relative ass-to-ears ratio.” - Jim Butcher

52. “There ain't enough happens in soccer. It's like watching twenty-two hair models kick a ball around for what seems like six months and then one of them falls over and the ball goes in the goal.” - Warren Ellis

53. “The two guys who ran the place, always in Williamsburg hipster uniforms of short-sleeved shirts and neatly trimmed beards that looked stuck on with spirit gum, paid, as ever, no attention to anything but the food and the money. Tallow imagined that every night they counted their money and prided themselves on having not made eye contact with anything human.” - Warren Ellis

54. “Bat stood in the open door and said "I am a crime scene unit detective from the New York City Police Department, you heinous fucking mongoloid, and there is nothing I cannot do.” - Warren Ellis

55. “Tallow was nervously aware that his name was on the worse cold-case dump CSU had ever seen. He was not looking forward to having them look at him and judge by eye exactly how much his organs might be worth on the black market.” - Warren Ellis

56. “Detective John Tallow, 1st Precinct.""You," said Scarly. "I hate you so much my dick is hard.” - Warren Ellis

57. “He tried to close a hand around the precious coffee but had to jerk his fingers away, sharply enough that his wrist popped painfully. Tallow wondered if the other end of the coffee machine was slurping water out of a lake in Hell.” - Warren Ellis

58. “The ECTs are moving the guns in small batches," Bat said. "We're making them take so many photos that one of them asked if she was being trained to shoot porno.” - Warren Ellis

59. “Tallow walked into Bat and Scarly's office to find Bat slumped on a chair with his head on the workbench, turned away from the door, while Scarly softly sharpened on old straight razor on a worn strop, watching her partner intently. "I don't think he needs his eyebrows, do you? I mean, they don't serve an immediate function or anything," she whispered.” - Warren Ellis

60. “Tallow turned the corner into Bat and Scarly's office to be greeted by a large plastic robot on the bench waving its arms and shouting, "Say hello to my l'il frien'" in an electronically processed voiced as a small plastic penis repeatedly jabbed out from its groin on a short metal piston.Bat emerged from behind the thing. "Don't judge me," he said. "I got bored.” - Warren Ellis

61. “Where's the elevator?" Mike asked, sheathing his weapon. Tallow felt a little better telling Mike there wasn't an elevator and watching his face. But then Mike picked up the dolly, boxes and all, with one hand, took the kit bag from Sophie with the other, and started jogging up the stairs with"Third floor, right?""There," said Scarly, "goes a man who has names for all his muscles.""I was just thinking that," Tallow said. "Serious gym rat.""No, I mean he's named all his muscles. That's a man who calls one of his muscles Steve.” - Warren Ellis

62. “She's really married?" Tallow said to Bat."Yeah. Talia's like this Scandinavian Amazon who can break rocks with her boobs. She could fit Scarly in her armpit. Sometimes I think she likes Scarly just because she was the most portable lesbian available.” - Warren Ellis