66 Humour Quotes To Enjoy

In a world that often feels overwhelmingly serious, a good dose of humor can be the perfect antidote. Whether you're looking to lighten the mood, find relief from a stressful day, or simply want to enjoy a hearty laugh, humor holds an incredible power to uplift our spirits. We've taken the time to sift through countless gems to bring you a curated collection of the top 66 humor quotes. These nuggets of wit and wisdom are guaranteed to bring a smile to your face and remind you that sometimes, laughter truly is the best medicine. So sit back, relax, and get ready to enjoy some of the finest humor quotes out there!

1. “Every day's a negotiation and sometimes it's done with guns.” - Joss Whedon

2. “If I'm out of my mind, it's all right with me, thought Moses Herzog.” - Saul Bellow

3. “I'm tired of this back-slappin' "isn't humanity neat" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.” - Bill Hicks

4. “We started off trying to set up a small anarchist community, but people wouldn't obey the rules.” - Alan Bennett

5. “Half my life is an act of revision.” - John Irving

6. “Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote. The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote.” - Terry Pratchett

7. “A lot of people say there's a fine line between genius and insanity. I don't think there's a fine line, I actually think there's a yawning gulf. You see some poor bugger scuffling up the road with balloons tied to his ears, he's not going home to invent a rocket, is he?” - Bill Bailey

8. “Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.” - Oscar Wilde

9. “Be one of the crowd? It went against everything a wizard stood for, and a wizard would not stand for anything if he could sit down for it, but even sitting down, you had to stand out.” - Terry Pratchett

10. “First of all, you must never speak of anything by its name -- in that country. So, if you see a tree on a mountain, it will be better to say 'Look at the green on the high'; for that's how they talk -- in that country. And whatever you do, you must find a false reason for doing it -- in that country. If you rob a man, you must say it is to help and protect him: that's the ethics -- of that country. And everything of value has no value at all -- in that country. You must be perfectly commonplace if you want to be a genius -- in that country. And everything you like you must pretend not to like; and anything that is there you must pretend is not there -- in that country. And you must always say that you are sacrificing yourself in the cause of religion, and morality, and humanity, and liberty, and progress, when you want to cheat your neighbour -- in that country."Good heavens!" cried Iliel, 'are we going to England?” - Aleister Crowley

11. “Don't talk for five minutes, there's a good chap! I've a strange feeling come over me--almost as if I were going to think!” - Aleister Crowley

12. “Whew,” he said. “You clean up good. You don’t look like the same girl.”She frowned right before she laughed. “Do women usually thank you for saying things like that?” - Robyn Carr

13. “I told myself that it took forty-two facial muscles to frown and only four to stretch out my arm and bitch-slap the witch.” - Kathy Lette

14. “Some guys step on a rake in the dark, and get mad and go punch somebody. Others step on a rake in the dark and fall down laughing at themselves. I know which kind of guy I'd rather be. So do my friends.” - Spider Robinson

15. “Hey, Carrots," he says.” - Cynthia Hand

16. “Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.” - Steven Wright

17. “Letitia! What a name. Halfway between a salad and a sneeze.” - Terry Pratchett

18. “All young people worry about things, it's a natural and inevitable part of growing up, and at the age of sixteen my greatest anxiety in life was that I'd never again achieve anything as good, or pure, or noble, or true, as my O-level results.” - David Nicholls

19. “Manners, you see, come down to a single principle: talk of nothing that might actually prove interesting.” - Meredith Duran

20. “These things sneak up on him for no reason, these flashes of irrational happiness. It's probably a vitamin deficiency.” - Margaret Atwood

21. “Men," she said rueful, "are the most absurd creatures on this green earth." "But there are camels," Gabriel pointed out. "Believe me," she answered. "I've taken camels into consideration.” - Zoe Archer

22. “Casting my own eye down Fifth Avenue as my belly swelled, I would register with incredulity: Every one of these people came from a woman's cunt.” - Lionel Shriver

23. “Stephen nodded. 'Tell me,' he said, in a low voice, some moments later. 'Were I under naval discipline, could that fellow have me whipped?'He nodded towards Mr Marshall. 'The master?' cried Jack, with inexpressible amazement. 'Yes,' said Stephen looking attentively at him, with his head slightly inclined to the left. 'But he is the master...' said Jack. If Stephen had called the sophies stem her stern, or her truck her keel, he would have understood the situation directly; but that Stephen should confuse the chain of command, the relative status of a captain and a master, of a commissioned officer and a warrant officer, so subverted the natural order, so undermined the sempiternal universe, that for a moment his mind could hardly encompass it. Yet Jack, though no great scholar, no judge of a hexameter, was tolerably quick, and after gasping no more than twice he said, 'My dear sir, I beleive you have been lead astray by the words master and master and commander- illogical terms, I must confess. The first is subordinate to the second. You must allow me to explain our naval ranks some time. But in any case you will never be flogged- no, no; you shall not be flogged,' he added, gazing with pure affection, and with something like awe, at so magnificent a prodigy, at an ignorance so very far beyond anything that even his wide-ranging mind had yet conceived.” - Patrick O'Brian

24. “Who or what inspires you?""I must admit that I often read my own articles in scientific journals and inspire myself.” - Eoin Colfer

25. “I always thought eating was a ridiculous activity anyway. I'd get out of it myself if I could, though you've got to do it to stay alive, they tell me.” - Margaret Atwood

26. “I shall now explain my plan. You may then speak, but only to amend the detail. The broad outline is not subject to negotiation. Are you ready? Good … I propose to have sex with you. I believe it will be excellent sex. Your obedience on one particular issue of timing it will be required to make it unforgettable sex. I will explain that issue as we go. At the moment, I wish to hear your inevitable objection to the general sex part of this plan.” - Nick Harkaway

27. “Blasted spam pigeons!” - Kate Beaton

28. “...some men say get them crying on your shoulder and you have the sheets half-unfurled already. Other fellows say get them laughing. I say get them drunk. I ordered up more Riesling...” - Stewart Hennessey

29. “And then, all of a sudden, he stopped, and his jaw dropped as though he had remembered something."The score!" he burst out. "Three goes o' rum! Why, shiver my timbers, if I hadn't forgotten my score!"And, falling on a bench, he laughed until the tears ran down his cheeks. I could not help joining; and we laughed together, peal after peal, until the tavern rang again.” - Robert Louis Stevenson

30. “I looked at the stained-glass image of the lamb in the window above me, but that only reminded me that lambs are famous for being led to slaughter, or sometimes hanging out with lions in ill-advised relationships.” - Maureen Johnson

31. “With a roof over his head he had ceased to work, living off his [war] pension and his wits, both hopelessly inadequate.” - Spike Milligan

32. “It's not that I want to work for Williams-Sonoma, per se, it's just that you guys have the money and I don't.” - FAXBoy

33. “Spring had come finally and after much hesitation, to Lincoln's Inn Fields and there were daffodils out upon the green grass and gilly-flowers blooming in the window-boxes of the ground floor sets. This being Lincoln's Inn, where an air of general severity prevails, they did so with an unconscionable meekness, as if they feared that some legal eminence- Mr Crabbe perhaps- would descend in wrath from his chambers and present them with a writ for unlicensed blossoming or occupying too great a proportion of space.” - D.J. Taylor

34. “You stole a boat,” she snapped. “What am I doing with you, you boat-stealing lunatic?” - Cassandra Clare

35. “Stephanie could see the greed seep into the watery eyes of herfather’s other brother, a horrible little man called Fergus, as henodded sadly and spoke sombrely and pocketed the silverwarewhen he thought no one was looking” - Derek Landy

36. “The man had a smooth voice, like velvet. “I’m Detective Inspector Me. Unusual name, I know. My family were incredibly narcissistic. I’m lucky I escaped with any degree of humility at all, to be honest, but then I’ve always managed to exceed expectations. You are Kenny Dunne, are you not?”“I am.”“Just a few questions for you, Mr Dunne. Or Kenny. Can I call you Kenny? I feel we’ve become friends these past few seconds. Can I call you Kenny?”“Sure,” Kenny said, slightly baffled.“Thank you. Thank you very much. It’s important you feel comfortable around me, Kenny. It’s important we build up a level of trust. That way I’ll catch you completely unprepared when I suddenly accuse you of murder.” - Derek Landy

37. “All trademarks, company names, registered names, products, characters, mottos, logos, jingles and catchphrases used or cited in this work are the property of their respective owners and have only been mentioned and or used as cultural references to enhance the narrative and in no way were used to disparage or harm the owners and their companies. It is the author's sincerest wish the owners of the cited trademarks, company names, etc. appreciate the success they have achieved in making their products household names and appreciate the free plug.” - E.A. Bucchianeri

38. “We need to reclaim the word 'feminism'. We need the word 'feminism' back real bad. When statistics come in saying that only 29% of American women would describe themselves as feminist - and only 42% of British women - I used to think, What do you think feminism IS, ladies? What part of 'liberation for women' is not for you? Is it freedom to vote? The right not to be owned by the man you marry? The campaign for equal pay? 'Vogue' by Madonna? Jeans? Did all that good shit GET ON YOUR NERVES? Or were you just DRUNK AT THE TIME OF THE SURVEY?” - Caitlin Moran

39. “Just then there came the wheezy sound of an accordion. It was an odd little tune that, had he been alive exactly one hundred and fifty years later, the scarf-wearing pirate would have recognized as the first few bars from ‘Theme to Murder, She Wrote’.” - Gideon Defoe

40. “......” - Gordon Freeman

41. “Detective Inspector Eccles sighed. He may ordinarily have met his sigh with the question of why the newly appointed Superintendent Dickinson was turning up to this late hour crime scene, he may also ordinarily question why his superior officer was dressed as Julius Caesar, in full tunic and green leafy wreath, yet ever since the new and youngest-ever-appointed superintendent had arrived at the Met it had been all too clear he was an officer who didn’t quite do things by the eBook.” - Tom Conrad

42. “Just then Trafton walked up to the four of us. "I can see this is a little gang on campus" said Trafton "How do I join?""Dial 1800 - not on your life and see how that works out for you," said LisabelleTafton smiled at her "I know that behind that harsh exterior you have a kind and gentle soul." "No" said Lisabelle "I really don't. I'm pretty much always this unpleasant with the desired result of being left alone. Why am I not being left alone?” - "Elemental Rising" by Maddy Edwards

43. “No matter how old you are, an empty wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.” - Russ

44. “Is that it?”“No. That’s a wall.”“It could be disguised.”“You’re not very good at looking for things, are you?”“I’m good at looking for walls. Look, I found another one.” - Derek Landy

45. “I see a dude who looks like a meth addict across the street; I'm going to assume that's what this fiancée thief looked like, right? I mean, obviously, the only reason she would have left you for anyone else is if she suddenly lost her mind and got struck blind on top of it. Pretty action-packed, your wedding day."I looked at him askance. "I don't think that's quite her version of events.""Yeah, well," said Nate, "she's not here, so I'm just going to have to go with my version.""I could buy into that," I said, after a moment's consideration."Excellent," he said, grinning. "Then you're going to love next week's installment in which he develops spontaneous alopecia.” - Cary Attwell

46. “People at work eyed me with varying degrees of suspicion or approbation, and a couple of them mistook me for the kind of guy who knew twelve different ways to tie a scarf and whether that scarf clashed with their purse. My helpful tip that most accessories were just needless expenses met with disappointment.” - Cary Attwell

47. “When I first arrived in Egypt many years ago, I looked at the tombs like a tourist. After being to them all so many times I was treated as a professor. Now when I go to look at a tomb they worry that I am thinking of moving in.” - G. P. Warren

48. “It made Craze smile, despite wishing most of his body parts would find new homes and leave him in peace.” - M. Pax

49. “Then viselike fingers clenched my throat, the stake was wrenched from my hand, and a sharp stabbing pain shot up my right thigh as I landed on the ground with a thump that knocked the breath out of me.And as if that wasn’t bad enough, once I landed, something hard and heavy—his knee, I thought—hit me right in the sternum. You know, just in case there was one last breath left in my lungs. The point of the stake scraped the sensitive skin just under my chin. I looked up, wheezing, into Archer’s face.” - Rachel Hawkins

50. “Oh, about beer I never lie,’ Crandall said. ‘A man who lies about beer makes enemies.” - Stephen King

51. “Old lady, if I die I'd like you to do one small thing for me. I want you to build a one-hundred-acre museum dedicated to my memory. Bronze my clothing and possessions. Have at least three hundred marble statues erected of me in my most dashing poses. One of these statues should stand one hundred feet tall and greet ships as they float down the Hudson River. One of the fourteen wings of the museum should have an amusement park with the world's fastest roller coaster inside. None of these rides should be equipped with safety devices. You can license some of the space to fast-food restaurants and ice-cream parlors but nothing should be healthy or nutritious. The gift shop should sell stuffed Puck dolls packed with broken glass and asbestos. There's a more detailed list in my room." Puck saidduble” - Michael Buckley

52. “She had surrendered her virtue at six-and-ten, to a beautiful blond-haired sailor on a trading galley up from Lys. He only knew six words of the Common Tongue, but “fuck” was one of them—the very word she’d hoped to hear.” - George R.R. Martin

53. “I think cynicism often disguises itself as humour.” - Michka Assayas

54. “As my lawyer dad would say, I had breached a contract with the devil.” - Elle Casey

55. “I'd said it before and meant it.Alive or undead,the love of my life was a bad ass.” - Richelle Mead

56. “Chancellor Gerhard Schröder has several times made statements to the effect that we Europeans should not cultivate a superficial anti-Americanism. But mine isn't superficial at all.Personally I have nothing against the US itself - it's a beautiful country - it's the people who live there that are the problem.I guess you could say it's the same thing with Bavaria.” - Volker Pispers

57. “Are you sure I can't mend a shirt or darn a sock for you in trade? Anything?""You can quit your yammerin' and carry this table downstairs so I can get back to minding my own business instead of messing around in yours.” - Karen Witemeyer

58. “Who’s driving the boat?”Over the motor, I heard girls screaming at us the instant before we crashed.” - Jennifer Echols

59. “Luis is right there.” I point to the corner of the yard, where my little brother is the centre of attention doing imitations of barnyard animals. I have yet to inform him that talent isn’t as much of a chick magnet when you get into junior high.” - Simone Elkeles

60. “Then watch out. I warn you!" "That is very considerate of you," said Chrestomanci. "I like to be warned.” - Diana Wynne Jones

61. “Liberace was certainly master and commander of the ivories ~ he is the only pianist I can watch or listen to without suffering a case of 'Stagefright Sympathy Sickness'.” - E.A. Bucchianeri

62. “I awake to hear a shower running and quickly stifle a groan.Oh God, my head hurts!How much did I have to drink last night?I slowly prise open one eye and quickly close it again, the light hurts my delicate hung-over state too much.I sigh heavily and try to recall what exactly happened last night.” - J.C. McClean

63. “I see now that there is a great deal in what Aunt Almeria says. She considers that there are terrible pitfalls in Society."Sir Richard shook his head sadly. "Alas, too true!""And vice," said Pen awfully. "Profligacy, and extravagance, you know.""I know."She picked up her knife and fork again. "It must be very exciting," she said enviously.” - Georgette Heyer

64. “Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it was the sausage-maker who disposed of the body.” - Mark Forsyth

65. “Tiny," Sanya rumbled to Michael, clenching a demonstrative fist. "But fierce.” - Jim Butcher

66. “MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.” - Ambrose Bierce