72 Inspiring Ilona Andrews Quotes

In the rich world of fiction, few authors captivate their audience quite like Ilona Andrews. Renowned for their ability to weave intricate plots with vivid characters, this dynamic writing duo has left an indelible mark on the urban fantasy and paranormal romance genres. Their books brim with sharp wit, profound insights, and unforgettable dialogue, making them a treasure trove for memorable quotes. Whether you seek motivation, a dash of humor, or a fresh perspective, the words of Ilona Andrews have the power to inspire and resonate. Join us as we delve into a selection of 72 inspiring quotes that showcase the wit and wisdom embedded in their celebrated works.

1. “Oh my God, she was retarded and I was going to kill Jim.” - Ilona Andrews

2. “I glanced at Derek. The boy wonder didn't melt into a pile of goo, although his gaze was glued to Rowena's chest. Avoiding eye contact. Good strategy.” - Ilona Andrews

3. “I flexed my wrist, popped a silver needle into my palm, and offered it to him.'What's this?''A needle.''What should I do with it?'He'd walked right into it. Too easy. 'Please use it to pop your head. It's obscuring my view of the room.'- Kate & Saiman” - Ilona Andrews

4. “Georgie, stop trying to resurrect the shoes. They were never alive in the first place.” - Ilona Andrews

5. “Secret to what?""Secret to shutting you up," he said. "I just have to beat you till you're half-dead, then give you chicken soup and"--he raised his hands--"blessed silence.” - Ilona Andrews

6. “He lunged for the maps. I grabbed the chair and hit him with it. He went down. I hit him again to make sure he stayed that way, stepped over him, and picked up the maps."I win.” - Ilona Andrews

7. “In there?'She nodded.'You want us to go into the tortoise?'Another nod.'It's alive.'Another nod.” - Ilona Andrews

8. “Nice plan. Take the gullible outsiders, walk them around for a bit, then feed them to the giant tortoise.” - Ilona Andrews

9. “If you don't explain it all to me, I might strangle somebody." Of course, Raphael might like that...” - Ilona Andrews

10. “The Oracle rose. As one, the three witches bowed."See?" Bran jerked his thumb at the three women. "That's how a woman should treat a man. Next time you see me, I want you to do just like them.” - Ilona Andrews

11. “The decorator of Las Colimas must have been a great admirer of both early Aztec and late Taco Bell architectural styles.” - Ilona Andrews

12. “When life backs you into a corner and offers you no escape, when your friends, your lover, and your family abandon you, when you're at the end of your rope, panicked, alone, and losing your mind, you know you'd give anything to make your problems go away. Then, desperate and eager, you will come to Unicorn Lane, seeking salvation in its magics and secrets. You'll do anything, pay any price. Unicorn Lane will take you in, shroud you in its power, fix your problems, and exact its price. And then you will learn what 'anything' really means.” - Ilona Andrews

13. “On the other hand it was bad manners to look a gift horse in the mouth. Even if you're getting it from an overweight cracker in a fringe shirt.” - Ilona Andrews

14. “You know anything about investigative work?""Sure. Annoy the people involved until the guilt party tries to make you go away.” - Ilona Andrews

15. “I thought of telling him that if it wasn't for Oklahoman cowboys and Mexican whores having a bit of fun, there would've been no Texans, but that would be counterproductive.” - Ilona Andrews

16. “Any messages for me?" Usually I got one or two, but mostly people who wanted my help preferred to talk in person."Yes. Hold on." She pulled out a handful of pink tickets and recited from memory, without checking the paper. "Seven forty-two a.m., Mr. Gasparian: I curse you. I curse your arms so they wither and die and fall off your body. I curse your eyeballs to explode. I curse your feet to swell until blue. I curse your spine to crack. I curse you. I curse you. I curse you.” - Ilona Andrews

17. “The vampire leaned forward, tapping a scimitar claw. "Is that a lion with horns and a pitchfork?""Yep.""Is he carrying a moon on his pitchfork?""No, it's a pie.” - Ilona Andrews

18. “When I'm with him, I can feel myself getting better. It's like he's picking up broken pieces of me and putting me back together, and I don't even know he's doing it. We never talk about it. We don't go to therapy. He just loves me and that's enough.” - Ilona Andrews

19. “I also stole a small yellow doughnut from the box of Duncan's doughnuts in the rec room and fed it to the attack poodle in my office. He made a great production of it. First, he growled at the doughnut, just to show it who was boss. Then he nudged it with his nose. Then he licked it, until finally he snagged it into his mouth and chomped it with great pleasure, dropping crumbs all over the carpet.” - Ilona Andrews

20. “Well, check this out. Mine is bigger.” - Ilona Andrews

21. “He glued the chair to my ass."Silence."Is it still...attached?""I can't get it off.” - Ilona Andrews

22. “I've read your summary.""And?""It's not incompetent."Be still, my heart, so I don't faint from such faint phrase. "Did you expect it to be written in crayon?” - Ilona Andrews

23. “It's a party house.""I hope for your sake it's a very tame party." If he brought me to some sort of sex orgy, he would fly right through one of those pretty windows, headfirst.” - Ilona Andrews

24. “Next to me, Saiman smiled. "We all want what we can't have, Kate. I want you, you want love, and he wants to break my neck.” - Ilona Andrews

25. “And you expect me to commute two hours each way from the Keep to the Order." I kept my voice mild. "I suppose I won't be needing my job, my house, or my clothes anymore.""I didn't say that. Although let me get back to you on the clothes. It's still under consideration.” - Ilona Andrews

26. “Getting a lecture on restraint from the woman who threw a hissy fit and blew up Babylon.” - Ilona Andrews

27. “When you want to take over a city, you have to destroy the illusion of safety it provides. You have to hit the large well-protected establishments, find the powerful people who run them and are viewed as invincible, and kill them. You want to destroy the morale first. Once the people's resolve is gone and everyone is scared for their own skin, the city is yours.” - Ilona Andrews

28. “You'll lose.""What makes you so sure?""You have no discipline. All you do is tear down shit down. My father is a bastard, but at least he builds things. You turn cities into smoking ruins and blunder about like some hyper child, smashing anything you see. And then you sit here and wonder, 'Why did all of my children turn out to be violet idiots? It's a mystery of nature,'.” - Ilona Andrews

29. “I know it may come as a shock, but it's sort of considered polite to wait for the consent of the woman. In fact, I'm pretty sure that if you don't wait, you may have to deal with pesky criminal charges like kidnapping and rape.” - Ilona Andrews

30. “ Hi, Your Majesty, we drugged your love muffin and then let her walk out into the dark, in the snow. Her apartment is destroyed and we're not sure where she is...” - Ilona Andrews

31. “Torch strode over and stared at the fiver"What's this?""Some change for you. Buy your flunkies some decent clothes." I dipped my fingers into the jar and smeared think fragrant paste on my face. Torch frowned, mirroring the expression on my aunt's face."Change?"Oh, for crying out loud. "It's money. We don't use coins as currency now, we use paper money." He stared at me. "I'm insulting you! I'm saying your poor, like a beggar, because your undead are in rags. I'm offering to clothe your servants for you, because you can't provide for them. Come on, how thick do you have to be?"He jerked his hand up. A jet of flame erupted from his fingers, sliding against the ward. I jerked back from the windows on instinct. The fire died. I leaned forward. "Do you understand now?" More fire. "What's the matter? Was that not enough money?” - Ilona Andrews

32. “Tiny gold sparks flared in his irises. "You're in my rooms in my bathtub naked and you're still mouthing off."Did he expect anything different? "Hey, I didn't kick or punch you in the throat. I consider this progress. And you haven't choked me again, which is some sort of record for you...” - Ilona Andrews

33. “I'm counting to ten in my head.""Is it helping?""No.""It doesn't help me with you either. I used to life weights to alleviate frustration, but someone blowtorched my weight bench. How did you do it, by the way?""I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you.” - Ilona Andrews

34. “Rose pictured him standing at the boundary of the Ogletree house in that enormous fur cape, with a giant sword sticking over his shoulder, roaring at the top of his lungs and then being upset that nobody came out, and laughed.” - Ilona Andrews

35. “Grandpa?" Declan raised his eyebrows."We keep him in the shed out back," Jack said helpfully. "So he doesn't eat dog brains.” - Ilona Andrews

36. “It became known that I had a rather fertile imagination, when it came to private activities."She stared. "What sort of private activities?"This time he did smile, and it turned his face wicked. "Disrobe, and I'll be happy to demonstrate.” - Ilona Andrews

37. “Aha," Andrea said. "I'm going to ignore that you just referred to yourself as 'sugar woogums'.” - Ilona Andrews

38. “Rene, you want us to find you-don't-know-who and to retrieve his you-don't-know-what for you-won't-tell-me-whom?” - Ilona Andrews

39. “Unfortunately, the Best Lord had condemned both vehicles as unsafe and instead I now leased a Pack Jeep I called Hector. Equipped with dual engines, Hector worked during magic or tech. He didn't go very fast, especially during magic, but so far he hadn't stalled on me either. As long as our high-speed chases stayed under forty-five miles an hour, we would be all set.” - Ilona Andrews

40. “Andrea raised her eyebrows. "Look at you, all high-speed.""Yeah, you'd think I was a detective or something."Andrea held her hand out. "You'll jinx it.” - Ilona Andrews

41. “Shane lowered his glasses on his nose and gave me his version of a severe stare.I leaned a little toward Luther. "Is this the part where I faint in fear?"Luther bit his lip. "He might also accept falling to your knees and holding your hands in humble supplication. Makes it easier for him to slap the cuffs on.” - Ilona Andrews

42. “I know it's late, but could you find a book for me? It's called The Slavs: Study of Pagan Tradition by Osvintsev."Barabas sighed dramatically. "Kate, you make me despair. Let's try that again from the top, except this time pretend you are an alpha.""I don't need a lecture. I just need the book.""Much better. Little more growl in the voice?""Barabas!""And we're there. Congratulations!” - Ilona Andrews

43. “They had picked up Julie's scent hit wolfsbane lost her and found her trail again at the crumbling Highway 23 except it was two hours old and mixed with horse scents. She was hitchhiking. Great. Awesome. At least she always carried a knife with her. When I relayed this to Curran he shrugged and said, "If she kills anybody we'll make it go away.” - Ilona Andrews

44. “They really kicked me out?" "Refunded the tuition and everything." Julie blinked a couple of times coming to grips with this tidbit. "So what happens now?" "I expect you'll be a bum. Homeless and jobless begging on the street for a crust of bread..." "Kate." "Oh, alright, I suppose if you come by the office once in a while I'll give you a sandwich. You can squat in the office on the floor when it gets too cold outside. We can even get you a little blanket to lie on...” - Ilona Andrews

45. “I hit him on the back of the neck. He submerged. Help. I've drowned the Beast Lord.” - Ilona Andrews

46. “He had the prettiest hair she had ever seen on a man: dark brown, almost black, and soft like sable, it fell down to his shoulders. She wondered what he'd do if she threw some mud in it. Probably kill her.” - Ilona Andrews

47. “A forest," William said, his expression distant. "Where the ground is dry soil and stone. Where tall trees grow and centuries of autumn carpet their roots. Where the wind smells of game and wildflowers.""Why, that was lovely, Lord Bill. Do you ever write poetry? Something for your blueblood lady?""No.""She doesn't like poetry?""Leave it."Hehe. "Oh, so you have a lady. How interes--” - Ilona Andrews

48. “You call that evening the odds? You demolished them."Demolished. He liked that. "I left you one.""I noticed.""I promised to share," he told her. "Manners are very important in the Weird. Lying would be quite impolite.” - Ilona Andrews

49. “William's eyes glowed like two amber coals. She met his gaze and flinched. No emotion reflected in the amber, only intelligence, cruel in a way the eyes of a hunting Mire cat were cruel. She saw no worry, no softness, no thoughts at all, only waiting. He seemed barely human now, not a man but some feral thing, knitted of darkness and biding his time for an opportunity to pounce.” - Ilona Andrews

50. “She put her hand on her hip. "Where are you going?""To the boat. You called me Lord Bill again. That means we're cool."Cerise slapped her forehead with the heel of her hand and followed him.” - Ilona Andrews

51. “Some women waited for a night in shining armor. She, apparently, had ended up with a knight in black jeans and leather, who wanted to chase her down and have his evil way with her.” - Ilona Andrews

52. “I realized that I'm a child."William looked point-blank at her chest. "No.” - Ilona Andrews

53. “Life was too short and ended too suddenly. If you didn't take advantage of what you had today, tomorrow it might be ripped from you.” - Ilona Andrews

54. “Slowly the reality of the situation sank in. He got his ass kicked, learned nothing, and got saved by a dumb dog and an old lady. If he lived long enough to report to Nancy back in Adrianglia, he would have to gloss over this part.” - Ilona Andrews

55. “You said he was a soldier. You don't suppose...?""Oh, Gods." Ignata blinked. "You think something could be wrong down there?"All of them looked at William, who chose this precise moment to slide the wet shirt back on his back, which required him to flex, raising his arms. "That would be a shame," Cerise murmured.” - Ilona Andrews

56. “It depends. If I don't let you in, will you huff and puff and blow my house down?" She had no idea. "I'm more of a kick the door open and cut everyone inside to ribbons kind of wolf.” - Ilona Andrews

57. “Oh, Gods."His eyes shone with want and predatory satisfaction. "The name's William. It's a common mistake.” - Ilona Andrews

58. “Kaldar picked up a rock and tossed it into the clearing. It landed between two wards. A green stem shot out of the ground, and a hail of needle-thin thorns peppered the soil, striking sparks off the rock. "You got any money on you?""No."Kaldar grimaced. "What do you have?"William made a mental inventory of some twenty-odd items he'd pulled out of the Mirror's bag of tricks and hid in his clothes this morning. Not much he could part with. "A knife," he said. "Fine. I'll bet my knife against your knife that I can walk through there unharmed.” - Ilona Andrews

59. “This doesn't mean you're getting a discount."Audrey heaved a mock sigh. "Oh well. I guess I'll have to ply you with sexual favors, then."Gnome choked on the soup. "I'm old enough to be your grandfather!"Audrey winked at him, gathering the empty bags. "But you're not.” - Ilona Andrews

60. “An evil spark flared in his eyes. "Trade: raccoon for some answers.” - Ilona Andrews

61. “At the door, Audrey called, "Are you coming?""No, just breathing hard, love." He glanced at her and was rewarded by an outraged glare, followed by, "Oh, my God!” - Ilona Andrews

62. “The only way to make sure that the Hand didn't get to you would have been to kill your brother. I could've done it, but I didn't. I just gave him some drugs.""You gave an addict in rehab drugs, and you want credit for it?""Of course it sounds bad when you put it that way.” - Ilona Andrews

63. “That's all right," she told him. "I can manage. I can sleep outside just fine."Four pairs of eyes looked at her with a distinctly male skepticism.” - Ilona Andrews

64. “Ask a man how much a dollar is worth, and he'll tell you, 'Almost nothing.' Try to take a dollar away from him, and you'll get yourself a fight.” - Ilona Andrews

65. “You're right, my problems are the biggest problems ever," George said. "No, honestly, it's horrible to be me. I'm rich, talented, and I make girls cry.""How do you make girls cry, exactly?"George turned to her. His blue eyes widened. His lovely face took on a forlorn, deeply troubled expression. He leaned forward, and, in a theatrical whisper, said, "My past is tragic. I wouldn't want to burden you with it. It's a pain I must suffer alone. In the rain. In silence.” - Ilona Andrews

66. “Breaking into the house in the middle of the night just wasn't his style. He did his best work in plain view, and, usually, his tongue was doing most of it.Now that was an interesting thought. Heh.” - Ilona Andrews

67. “Stealers, keepers.” - Ilona Andrews

68. “The rage of the Beast Lord was a terrible thing to behold. Some people stormed, some punched things, but Curran slipped into this icy, bone-chilling calm. His face hardened into a flat mask, and his eyes turned into a molten inferno of pure gold. If you looked at it for longer than two seconds, your muscles locked, your knees shook, and you had to fight to keep from cringing. It was easier to look at the floor,but I didn’t. Besides, he wasn’t angry with me. He wasn’t even angry with Kate. He was angry with Anapa. I had no doubt that if he could’ve gotten a hold of the god at that moment, he would’ve broken him in half.“It’s only ribs,” Kate told him. “And they’re not even broken. They are fractured.”“And the hip,” Doolittle said. “And the knee.”There you go. Don’t expect mercy from a honeybadger.“How long do you need to keep her?” Curran looked to Doolittle.“She can go to her quarters, provided she doesn’t leave them,” Doolittle said. “I can’t do anything else with the magic down. She must stay down until I can patch her up.”“She will.” Curran reached for Kate. “Hey, baby. Ready?”She nodded. Curran slid his hands under her and picked her up, gently, as if she weighed nothing.“Good?” he asked.She put her arm around him. “Never better.” - Ilona Andrews

69. “At first glance you looked at Kate and thought “fighter,” maybe merc. Five inches taller than me, she was all muscle—well, and some boobs—but mostly muscle. She moved like a predator and when she got pissed off, she exhaled aggression, like hot breath on a winter evening. Still, men looked, until they saw her eyes. Kate’s eyes were crazy. It was that hidden-deep crazy that told you that you had no idea what the hell she would do next but whatever it was, the bad guys wouldn’t like it.” - Ilona Andrews

70. “Somewhere in that database my name sat in its own little niche, the name of a reject, undisciplined and worthless. Just the way I liked it.” - Ilona Andrews

71. “If you can't make it go away, wait it out.” - Ilona Andrews

72. “Beautiful I would never be. Striking, that I could manage.” - Ilona Andrews