73 Humorous Quotes About Relationships

Laughter is often touted as the best medicine, and nowhere is this more evident than in the realm of relationships. Whether it's the shared giggles over an inside joke, the affectionate teasing of a partner's quirks, or the ability to navigate life's challenges with humor, a good laugh can strengthen bonds and create lasting memories. In the spirit of celebrating the lighter side of love, we've gathered a selection of 73 humorous quotes about relationships. These quotes capture the joys, trials, and absurdities of romantic partnerships, reminding us that while love might be a serious business, it’s always important to keep things light-hearted. So, whether you're in a relationship, single, or just mingling, sit back and enjoy this playful exploration of love and laughter.

1. “She threw herself eagerly into the paths of unsuitable men.” - Anne Taintor

2. “Had she punished him enough? How could she be sure?” - Anne Taintor

3. “I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.” - Steven Wright

4. “Men are men, mortal or not.” - KC Randall

5. “The venn diagram of boys who don’t like smart girls and boys you don’t wanna date is a circle.” - John Green

6. “When someone leaves you, apart from missing them, apart from the fact that the whole little world you've created together collapses, and that everything you see or do reminds you of them, the worst is the thought that they tried you out and, in the end, the whole sum of parts adds up to you got stamped REJECT by the one you love. How can you not be left with the personal confidence of a passed over British Rail sandwich?” - Helen Fielding

7. “I can't seem to fathom that the things important to me are not important to other people as well, and so I come off sounding like a missionary, someone whose job it is to convert rather than listen.” - David Sedaris

8. “He was uncomplicated and upbeat and easy. At one point, I might have thought these traits made him a simpleton, but now I think they just translate to happiness.” - Emily Giffin

9. “Granana doesn't understand what the big deal is. She didn't cry at Olivia's funeral, and I doubt she even remembers Olivia's name. Granana lost, like, ninety-two million kids in childbirth. All of her brothers died in the war. She survived the Depression by stealing radish bulbs from her neighbors' garden, and fishing the elms for pigeons. Dad likes to remind us of this in a grave voice, as if it explained her jaundiced pitilessness: "Boys. Your grandmother ate pigeons.” - Karen Russell

10. “How did I dance with a guy who's never heard of feminism?""I've heard of it, but that doesn't mean a woman can do everything a man can do," he goaded. I went to smack him on the back of his head, but he ducked with a snicker."I'm learning," he informed me. "How did I ever consider dating such a violent girl?""We're both lucky we got out early before we really knew each other.""Oh yes, good thing neither one of is still interested in the other," Brent said with a playful grin.” - Lani Woodland

11. “Stupid men are the only ones worth knowing after all.” - Elizabeth Bennet

12. “You're not having sex with him. I know these guys, and you don't. I'm trusting you with Claudia Reeshman. You need to trust me about Dean Robillard." She wouldn't let him off that easily. "You're looking for a wife. Maybe I'm just looking for a little fun." "If you need fun," he shot back, 'I'll give you fun." She was stunned.” - Susan Elizabeth Phillips

13. “Ranger appeared in the bathroom doorway and I was too relieved to be embarrassed. "I appreciate you coming out in the middle of the night," I said.Ranger smiled. "I didn't want to miss seeing you chained up naked.” - Janet Evanovich

14. “She spoke under her breath to Nick. "Is there a reason he's only wearing one sock?" "He puked on his foot." "Oh." She turned back to Huxley. "Can we get you another sock? Maybe a blanket or something?” - Julie James

15. “Boyfriend huh? I didn't realize we had taken things to that level.""Oh, I'm sorry--this is my first undercover operation," Jordan said. "I'm a little unclear about the rules. Are we seeing other people in this fake relationship?” - Julie James

16. “Mereka yang sekalipun belum pernah naik vespa adalah penyia-nyia hidup” - ifdal sukri

17. “jodohmu bukan kereta, baiknya jangan hanya di tunggu, tapi di cari!” - ifdal sukri

18. “Me arrodillé ante un póster de Marilyn Monroe y le pedí su intervención. Le rogué que borrara mi nombre de su agenda y de su mente desquiciada.” - Raúl Rodríguez Cetina

19. “I thought about the difference between a mama's girl and a daddy's girl. I decided that a daughter who belongs to her daddy expects gifts, while a daughter who belongs to her mama expects a lot more. Not from her mama. From herself.” - Victoria Bond

20. “His mind’s always on something else. He’d live in a ratty cardigan, and he’s always worrying holes in the pockets of his pants. He can never seem to find his wallet or anything in the refrigerator. And just when you think he’s not paying any attention to what you’re saying or doing, he comes up with exactly the right answer or solution.”", [J.D. Robb, Celebrity In Death"“People""who expect perfection in a mate miss a lot of fun—and sweetness.", [J.D. Robb, Celebrity In Death]” - J.D. Robb

21. “Love is a two-way street constantly under construction.” - Carroll Bryant

22. “I suffer for birds and firefliesbut not frogs, she said,and threw him across the room.Kaboom!Like a genie out of a samovar,a handsome prince arose in the corner of the bedroom.” - Anne Sexton

23. “People aren't truly evolving, they're just mastering new and cyber-sanctioned ways to get what they want.” - Jessa Callaver

24. “There are some things I don't understand about Jess and never will. No wedding dress. No flowers. No photo album. No champagne. The only thing she got out of her wedding was a husband. (I mean, obviously the husband is the main point when you get married. Absolutely. That goes without saying. But still, not even a new pair of shoes?)” - Sophie Kinsella

25. “Men come and go but bills are forever.” - Michael Baisden

26. “Will you bloody say something?" I demanded at last, in a voice that shook oiliv a little. His mouth opened, but no words came out. He shook his head slowly from side to side. "Jesus," he whispered at last.” - Diana Gabaldon

27. “I wish I could print up a sign and tape it on my forehead. I OFFICIALLY DO NOT WANT TO KISS ETHAN WATE. NOW PLEASE LET ME BE FRIENDS WITH HIM.” - Kami Garcia

28. “You‟re my mate. Think you can handle that?”It was hard to speak with her heart bursting open. “Think you can handle me?”“So long as you're gentle with me.”"Emmett to Ria - Whisper of sin” - Nalini Singh

29. “Clay, if anyone followed anyone, it was me tagging along after you. I didn’t dare order you around.”“Load of shit,” he muttered, but she thought she heard a softening in his tone. “You fucking made me attend tea parties.”She remembered his threat before the first one: “Tell anyone and I’ll eat you and use your bones as toothpicks.”~ Talin and Clay dialogue” - Nalini Singh

30. “What do you think?” I asked, a teasing smile curving my lips. “Did we know each other in another life?”He gave a faint smile. “I can guarantee it.”I looked up at him, surprised by his seriousness. “Oh really?” I said, cocking an eyebrow coyly, “So what was I like, oh-expert-on-my-past-life?”A smile touched his lips. As he thought, he seemed to be in another place.When he came out of his trance, he answered, “Similar to how you are now. Smart,funny, stunningly beautiful . . . and you were a horrible pool player then too.” He laughed as I punched him in the shoulder.“Very funny,” I said.“Your punches used to hurt less though.” - Angela Corbett

31. “Safety tip. When you see smoke run, never wait for fire.” - Danielle Sibarium

32. “I will never deny that life isn't fair. It seems as though when a woman leaves a man she is strong and independent, but when a man leaves a woman he is a pig and a jerk.” - Criss Jami

33. “Just because you're in the market for a minivan doesn't mean you can't test drive a hotrod.” - Inez Kelley

34. “I see uncool people!” - Tonya Hurley

35. “Charity groped for the phone, coming up with it at last and croaking "hello" in a voice that sounded exactly like a bullfrog's mating call. Which made a kind of twisted sense -- last night she'd been hunting for a mate as well.” - Elizabeth Jane Howard

36. “Did you just kiss me?" Will inquired.Magnus made a slip-second decision. "No.""I thought-""On occasion the aftereffects of the painkilling spells can result in hallucinations of the most bizarre sort.""Oh," Will said. "How peculiar.” - Cassandra Clare

37. “What's your favorite movie?...that should be our question. When we don't know what to say. Movies are a safe topic. What's wrong with the standard 'how's it going?' because all you get is 'Okay' or 'Fine', and then what? You're back where you started. It's a useless question. Like anyone is going to tell you how it's really going.” - Lisa Schroeder

38. “Every letter was a love letter. Of course, as love letters went, this one could have been better. It was not very promising, for instance, that Madeleine claimed not to want to see him for the next half-century.” - Jeffrey Eugenides

39. “I smile quietly. She is with me all the time. I feel stupid now, for not seeing it sooner. But hey, at least we'll have this strange story to tell, love and death and blood and daddy-issues. And holy crap, I am a psychiatrist's wet dream."- Cas Lowood, Anna Dressed in Blood” - Kendare Blake

40. “Did you know that..........'embargo' spelled backwards is 'o grab me” - Colin Mochrie

41. “In any perfect relationship men should remember it's a matter of direction; she takes what's right and you take what's left.” - Solitaire Parke

42. “Men are very sensitive, Mma Makutsi. You would not always think it to look at them, but they are. They do not like you to point out that they are wrong, even when they are. That is the way things are, Mma--it just is.” - Alexander McCall Smith

43. “When we do it again," he told her, his hands hot on her, "it'll be where I want,when I want,with spotlights if I want.""I don't think so", she said and he kissed her again and she thought, Oh, hell, wherever you want, and kissed him back."Whatever I want," he whispered in her ear."Okay," she whispered back.” - Jennifer Cruise (Bet Me)

44. “Is that a banana in your lunch box, or are you just pleased to see me?” - H.M. Forester

45. “Vin: I don't know -- and it's all your fault, you know. I used to understand everything. Now it's all confused.Kelsier: Yes, we've messed you up right properly.” - Brandon Sanderson

46. “either love me or leave me alone." — jay-z” - Jay-Z

47. “You love the bitch from hell? Well then, you must be nuts.” - Sophie Kinsella

48. “Names.What’s in a name, really? I mean, besides a bunch ofletters or sounds strung together to make a word. Does arose by any other name really smell as sweet? Would themost famous love story in the world be as poignant if it wascalled Romeo and Gertrude? Why is what we callourselves so important?” - Julie Kagawa

49. “I'd rather have rabies than be in love.""Why?""Because at least you can get over rabies with some shots.” - Shelly Laurenston

50. “Are Cady and O'Neill Ever going to get together?" Those amber eyes weighed me heavily, and then he answered my question with a question. "Do you think they should?" "Well I said, "they've been through an awful lot together. And if there's only one book left, it kind of seems like they're running out of time” - Richelle Mead

51. “I suppose you're right about some perspectives. Just a few weeks ago, I thought you were a dickhead.” - Mary E. Pearson

52. “I wish for you four animals: a mink on the shoulders, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom, and a jackass to pay for it all. To you!” - John Oldale

53. “Sounds to me like you're talkin' about the wrong things. Why don't you talk about other things? Like you could make a list of things you won't fight over and then you only talk about those things.” - Janet Evanovich

54. “I don't want a new man.""I'll be dead someday," my mother said. "And then what? You'll wish you had someone.""I have a hamster.” - Janet Evanovich

55. “Normally writers do not talk much,because they are saving their conversations for the readers of their book-those invisible listeners with whom we wish to strike a sympathetic chord.” - Ruskin Bond

56. “That's because we were together for two years and she led me on a treacherous journey through bitchy, across frigid, and into the land of cheating psycho. I barely escaped with my life. It required a week of solid moping just so my balls could grow back.” - S.E. Culpepper

57. “You go in, I go in.""Listen---"He took her face in his hands."You go, I go. That's non-negotiable. If we're to get blasted to hell or poisoned into lunatics, we do it together.""Crap, Crap. You have to look less rich and gorgeous."God help him, she made him grin. "I'll do what I can.” - J.D. Robb

58. “I am afraid it is quite clear, Cecily, that neither of us is engaged to be married to any one.” - Oscar Wilde

59. “Yeah, well. If you're staying here in hopes of making out with Alaska, I sure wish you wouldn't. If you unmoor her from the rock that is Jake, God have mercy on us all. That would be some drama, indeed. And as a rule, I like to avoid drama.""It's not because I want to make out with her.""Hold on." He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he'd just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at me. "I just did some calculations, and I've been able to determine that you're full of shit." And he was right.” - John Green

60. “Trick.” I say a little louder.“Shhh, sleep baby.” He mumbles. I laugh and smack his arm.“Wake up. I can feel your morning wood.” This gets his attention and he sits up, taking me with him. The arms wrapped around my middle graze my breasts as he shifts up and a tingle shoots straight between my legs.“God, Caroline, I’m so...” He stops, probably realizing that he doesn't have morning wood, “I don't have...” He’s actually pretty cute all sleepy. He laughs.“I know but I couldn't figure out how else to get your attention.” I shrug.” - K. Larsen

61. “It was this feminine conspiracy which made Southern society so pleasant. Women knew that a land where men were contented, uncontradicted ans safe in possession of unpunctured vanity was likely to be a very pleasant place for women to live. So, from the cradle to the grave, women strove to make men pleased with themselves, and the satisfied men repaid lavishly with gallantry and adoration. In fact, men willingly gave ladies everything in the world except credit for having intelligence.” - Margaret Mitchell

62. “Crying all the time had made her more beautiful. Grief will do that sometimes. Not for me. Loretta had left months ago and I still looked like hell.” - Junot Diaz

63. “It won't be whiskey, won't be methIt'll be your name on my last breathIf divorce or death ever do us partThe coroner will call it a broken heart” - The Band Perry

64. “I don't see how being married could be any worse than listening to you talk for twenty years, but that still ain't much of a recommendation for it.” - Larry McMurtry

65. “So thirsty," Jack groaned."So worried,"said the frog. I hope we don't starve to death.""Yes,"said Jill, "not starving to death would be nice.""So would not thirsting to death," said Jack"Thirsting isn't even a word," said Jill"It isn't?""No.""Then what's the word?""I dont know. You just can't.""Oh."This is, of course, the kind of inane conversation that occurs when people are slowly losing their minds.” - Adam Gidwitz

66. “There’s pretty much no way for me to answer that without sounding like an asshole, so maybe you could do me a solid and not make me.” - Alex Potvin

67. “If she happens to fall, I'll be there to laugh at first and then help her up afterwards.” - J.A. Redmerski

68. “She pushed the car. But I was so distracted that i forgot to push the button on the timer, so we had to do the whole thing again. Which Lindsey found hilarious. "Ok" she said. "Are you ready NOW, or do we have to send you back to Button Pushing one-oh-one?" "Um, what's Button Pushing One-oh-one?" I was wearing a button down shirt that day. Lindsey reached out and poked one of the buttons into my chest. "There, that's how you push a button. Any questions?” - Jordan Sonnenblick

69. “And what the fuck were you doing parading around in those jeans and that shirt last—”“Parading?”“You are not allowed to put on your fuck-me clothes if I ain’t there to do the fucking!” - Mary Calmes

70. “It felt like I had a thousand packs of Strawberry Pop Rocks simultaneously detonating in my chest, and I dilated at least eight centimeters!” - Piper Faust

71. “Sorry, but I'd rather sit home eating Vienna sausage straight from the can watching Andy Griffith reruns than be forced to dine with that Oompa-Loompa!” - Piper Faust

72. “I think you and he need to talk. And once you do, I won’t have to worry about being jumped like a felon again.”Blay frowned. “He and I have nothing to say to each other—”“With all due respect, the ligature marks around my neck would suggest otherwise.” - J.R. Ward

73. “Watch it, buster. There's only room for one sarcastic malcontent in this relationship.” - Christine Warren