79 Insult Quotes

In a world where words carry immense power, a sharp and well-crafted insult can often cut deeper than any physical weapon. Whether delivered with biting wit or understated elegance, a cleverly phrased put-down can leave a lasting impression. Whether you're looking to sharpen your own repartee or simply enjoy the art of verbal sparring, we've curated a collection of 79 of the most memorable and pointed insult quotes. From literary greats to modern-day humorists, these quotes are a testament to the timeless nature of a well-placed barb. Dive in and discover the cutting edge of language at its finest.

1. “Hurt, he'll never be hurt--he's made to hurt other people.” - George Eliot

2. “Don't fool yourself, my dear. You're much worse than a bitch. You're a saint. Which shows why saints are dangerous and undesirable.” - Ayn Rand

3. “If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, then they can sure make something out of you.” - Muhammad Ali

4. “Sir, I admit your general rule, That every poet is a fool, But you yourself may serve to show it, That every fool is not a poet.” - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

5. “She is a peacock in everything but beauty!” - Oscar Wilde

6. “Out of my sight! Thou dost infect mine eyes.” - William Shakespeare

7. “I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.” - Groucho Marx

8. “Out, you tallow-face! You baggage!” - William Shakespeare

9. “He's a pig and I don't allow livestock in the house.” - Erin McCarthy

10. “You're so far off base this time you can't even see the base!” - Eileen Wilks

11. “If we desire to avoid insult, we must be able to repel it; if we desire to secure peace, one of the most powerful instruments of our rising prosperity, it must be known, that we are at all times ready for War.” - George Washington

12. “The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.” - George Bernard Shaw

13. “I must decline your invitation owing to a subsequent engagement.” - Oscar Wilde

14. “Seamus: "I was wondering if you would like to go get some coffee"Cara: "Well that depends ... do you like to take long walks?"Seamus: "Yes"Cara: "Do you like sex?"Seamus: "Yeees"Cara: "Then take a f***ing hike and leave me the hell alone.” - Erin McCarthy

15. “Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.” - Oscar Levant

16. “You need not think that because we chanced to be born of the same parents, I shall suffer you to fasten me down by even the feeblest claim: I can tell you this - if the whole human race, ourselves excepted, were swept away, and we two stood alone on the earth, I would leave you in the old world, and betake myself to new.” - Charlotte Brontë

17. “Except among those whose education has been in the minimalist style, it is understood that hasty moral judgments about people in the past are a form of injustice.” - Jacques Barzun

18. “You're so full of crap, you could pass for a toilet.” - Kami Garcia

19. “Once again, you show all the sensitivity of a blunt axe.” - J.K. Rowling

20. “I bet his mother was a wyvern. -Scamp” - Tamora Pierce

21. “Let the doors be shut upon him, that he may play thefool no where but in's own house.” - William Shakespeare

22. “O me, you juggler, you canker-blossom, you thief of love!” - William Shakespeare

23. “You blocks, you stones, you worse than senseless things!” - William Shakespeare

24. “The only process you've mastered is the process of elimination, and the only reason you've mastered that is because you can do it in the toilet.” - Orson Scott Card

25. “You," Madeline said, her voice hollow and wheezing, "are like a bad case of herpes, wizard. You're inconvenient, embarassing, no real threat, and you simply will not go away.” - Jim Butcher

26. “How do you know if a demon is lying? His lips are moving.” - Richelle Mead

27. “We almost made it to thirty seconds without an insult. I think we set a new record.” - Sherrilyn Kenyon

28. “I can only assume," said Jace, "that mortal emotions amuse you because you have none of your own.” - Cassandra Clare

29. “May the IRS find that you deduct your pet sheep as an entertainment expense.” - Christopher Moore

30. “First you say I am a murderer - an agent in league against you - and now I am a deluded heartsick girl! Pray make up your mind so I can scoff at you with precision!” - Gordon Dahlquist

31. “Like a girl, a baby running after her mother, begging to be picked up, and she tugs on her skirts, holding her back as she tries to hurry off—all tears, fawning up at her, till she takes her in her arms… That’s how you look, Patroclus, streaming live tears.” - Homer

32. “You, you insolent brazen bitch—you really dare to shake that monstrous spear in Father’s face?” - Homer

33. “Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.” - Groucho Marx

34. “His ignorance is encyclopedic.” - Abba Eban

35. “Oh.” Timmie gave Bones a shy peek. “Are you Cathy’s brother?”“Whatever would give you the idea that I’m her damn brother?” Bones snapped.” - Jeaniene Frost

36. “8:58 We go to McDonald's. The woman in front of me in line spends more than five seconds contemplating her order. This infuriates me, "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?? MC-SEABASS?? IT'S THE GODDAMN MCDONALDS'S MENU, IT'S BEEN THE SAME FOR TEN YEARS! IT'S ALL MCSHIT!JUST ORDER!” - Tucker Max

37. “I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.” - Groucho Marx

38. “Captain Jibby looked at the door, clenched his teeth, and worked his face into a scowl so fierce you would think the door had insulted his mother - which, for the record, it had not.” - Cuthbert Soup

39. “Andrew had a gift for deepening the incision he began.” - Chris Cleave

40. “My Lord, I find thy face apelike and thy form misshapen. Thy beard, moreover, is an offense against decency, resembling more closely the scabrous fir which doth decorate the hinder portion of a mongrel dog than a proper adornement for a human face. Is it possible that thy mother, seized by some wild lechery, did dally at some time past with a randy goat? -Mandorallen” - David Eddings

41. “Come, come," I said. "You may be a lord someday, but you aren't one yet. No need for the courtly manners, and certainly not the moody temper. If you're to be my escort tonight, I insist you be a cheery one. You can even insult me if you like. It always makes you feel better.” - Julie Berry

42. “Asking a man if he could be trusted was like asking an unwed girl if she was a virgin. The question mattered, but the asking of it was gross insult.” - Orson Scott Card

43. “I'll be supposed upon a book, his face is the worst thing about him.” - William Shakespeare

44. “So, sweeting, why were you threatening to throw Tate out of the house? What did he say?”Leather brushed her chin as he tipped it up. Serious dark eyes met hers. “What did he say?”She glanced around; surely the footmen were too far away to hear. “He wanted to join us in our bed.”“I’ll run him through.”“No! Perhaps he only said it to goad you into a duel. Perhaps it was intended as a way to kill you.”“It was an insult to you, love. That can’t be ignored.”“And so you rush inexorably toward death. I don’t care if he stands on a Drury Lane stage and calls me a courtesan, I won’t have you risking your life.” - Sharon Page

45. “Did anybody tell you that you're a few french fries short of a Happy Meal?” - Susan Elizabeth Phillips

46. “Lepida, has anyone ever told you that you're a cruel spiteful selfish slut?...You're vicious. You're unprincipled. You mistreat your slaves and abuse your daughter. And furthermore you're the worst, most neglectful, most criminal wife in Rome. I think we can go now.” - Kate Quinn

47. “Since when are you so 'faithful'? just a couple of years ago you would show up in your tight jeans and borrow our car to pick up one of your five girlfriends. You think that beard makes you a man of God?” - Dalia Sofer

48. “And since when is stealing people's possessions the call of God? you are all hypocrites who have suddenly come into power, and you don't know how to handle it” - Dalia Sofer

49. “I used to think the world was broken down by tribes,' I said. 'By Black and White. By Indian and White. But I know this isn't true. The world is only broken into two tribes: the people who are assholes and the people who are not.” - Sherman Alexie

50. “She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.” - Mae West

51. “Use a condom. The world doesn't need another you.” - Carroll Bryant

52. “I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.” - Derek Landy

53. “Who the hell do you think you're, Kiddo?I don't do thinking, Sir. I simply improvise.” - Toba Beta

54. “Otulissa swelled up to twice her normal size. 'Well, SPRINK ON YOUR SPRONK!” - Kathryn Lasky

55. “The freedom of birds is an insult to me.” - Cormac McCarthy

56. “Takamasa Saegusa: 'Seigen, a mere member of the Toudouza, had the effrontery to sully the sacred dueling ground. For that reason, our lord had already decided to subject him to tu-uchi before long. Cut off his head immediately, and stick it on a pike!'Gennosuke could hardly believe his ears. Such an insult to Irako Seigen was unwarranted. It was pride. For Gennosuke, Irako Seigen was pride itself.Takamasa Saegusa: 'Fujiki Gennosuke! It is the way of the samurai to take the head of the defeated enemy on the battleground. Do not hesitate! If you are a samurai, you must carry out the duty of a samurai!'Samurai...Saegusa, Lord of Izu, continued shouting, but Gennosuke did not attend. That word 'samurai' alone reverberated through his body.If one aims at the juncture between the base of the skull and the spine, decapitation is not that difficult, but Gennosuke could muster no more strength than a baby. He grew pale and trembled with the strain. He could only hack with his sword as if he were sawing wood. He felt nauseated, as if his own cells one after another were being annihilated. But this...Lord Tokugawa Tadanaga: 'I approve.'Takamasa Saegusa: 'Fujiki Gennosuke, for this splendid action you have received words of thanks from our lord. As a sign of his exceptional approval, you shall be given employment at Sunpu Castle. This great debt will by no means be forgotten. From this day forward you must offer your life to our lord!'Prostrating himself, Gennosuke vomited.” - Takayuki Yamaguchi

57. “If I were you,And you were I,I would kill myself, But you would die!” - Bruce Jennings

58. “Ay, that I had not done a thousand more.Even now I curse the day—and yet, I think,Few come within the compass of my curse,—Wherein I did not some notorious ill,As kill a man, or else devise his death,Ravish a maid, or plot the way to do it,Accuse some innocent and forswear myself,Set deadly enmity between two friends,Make poor men's cattle break their necks;Set fire on barns and hay-stacks in the night,And bid the owners quench them with their tears.Oft have I digg'd up dead men from their graves,And set them upright at their dear friends' doors,Even when their sorrows almost were forgot;And on their skins, as on the bark of trees,Have with my knife carved in Roman letters,'Let not your sorrow die, though I am dead.'Tut, I have done a thousand dreadful thingsAs willingly as one would kill a fly,And nothing grieves me heartily indeedBut that I cannot do ten thousand more.” - William Shakespeare

59. “Insult is a monstrous scorpion, and compliment is a likeable nightingale; one stings mercilessly, and the other sings sweetly.” - Mehmet Murat ildan

60. “The man is as useless as nipples on a breastplate.” - George R.R. Martin

61. “If I say you're a goatherd's son, you say, 'Yes, Lord Ralon.'"Alanna gasped with fury. "I'd as soon kiss a pig! Is that what you've been doing-kissing pigs? Or being kissed?” - Tamora Pierce

62. “Let me tell you, my girl, that I'm swallowing no more of your insults! And if I hear another word from you in disparagement of the Corinthian set it will be very much the worse for you!” - Georgette Heyer

63. “If you can't say anything nice, at least have the decency to be vague.” - Susan Andersen

64. “Where is Polonius?- In heaven; send hither to see: if your messenger find him not there, seek him i' the other place yourself.” - William Shakespeare

65. “Some men simply refuse to appear insulted. But then, having felt the sting from the slap on their cheek, know just where to slip the knife, their smile never fading.” - Andrew Levkoff

66. “She was my friend because she was kind and funny but she had a face like two oysters fused together in a Star Trek matter transporter accident.” - Andrew Hinkinson-Hodnett

67. “It is not insult from another that causes you pain. It is the part of your mind that agrees with the insult. Agree only with the truth about you, and you are free.” - Alan Cohen

68. “For God to prove himself on demand, physically, would be a grave disappointment, and the strongest Christians should be considerably grateful that he chooses not to do so. The skeptic endlessly demands proof, yet God refuses to insult the true intelligence of man, the '6th sense', the chief quality, the acumen which distinguishes man from the rest of creation, faith.” - Criss Jami

69. “This guy was making me tired. “Thanks for the afternoon’s entertainment,” I said. “I’ll flush a copy of my bill down the toilet. You should be getting it in a couple of days.” - John Swartzwelder

70. “These are the few ways we can practice humility:To speak as little as possible of one's self.To mind one's own business.Not to want to manage other people's affairs.To avoid curiosity.To accept contradictions and correction cheerfully.To pass over the mistakes of others.To accept insults and injuries.To accept being slighted, forgotten and disliked.To be kind and gentle even under provocation.Never to stand on one's dignity.To choose always the hardest.” - Mother Teresa

71. “There are no injuries that run so deep that one can't add insult to them and make them feel even worse.” - Matthew S. Williams

72. “He doesn't seem to mind at all that he's stupid about math.” - Wendy Lichtman

73. “I've seen you around. You liken yourself a bad ass, and darlin', you are. Minus the bad.” - Donna Lynn Hope

74. “We look for pretty girls we can say bad things to. No one shows up.” - Ida Løkås

75. “Her aunt Sol had once told Shai to smile at the worst insults and snap at the minor ones. That way, no man would know your heart.” - Brandon Sanderson

76. “I was wrong to insult you, and not only because you are my hosts. I am afraid that I mistook kindness for weakness. My apologies. I stand - only with your aid - profoundly corrected.” - Beth Fantaskey

77. “Money-makers are tiresome company, as they have no standard but cash value.” - Plato

78. “If a mark of affection can sometimes be taken for an insult, perhaps the gesture of love is not universal: it too must be translated from one language to another, must be learned.” - Kim Thuy

79. “Hertzfeld recalled that Gates just sat there coolly, looking at Steve in the eye, before hurling back, in his squeaky voice, what became a classic zinger. "Well, Steve, I think there's more than one way of looking at it, I think it's more like we both had this rich neighbor named Xerox and I broke into his house to steal the TV set and found out that you had already stolen it.” - Walter Isaacson