88 Best Sarcasm Quotes Ever

If you've ever found solace in the biting humor of sarcastic remarks, you're in for a treat. Sarcasm is an art form, a playful way to express wit while keeping conversations intriguingly light-hearted or sharply profound. It’s that sneaky wink in verbal communication that delights both the speaker and the discerning listener. In this curated collection, we delved into the world of sardonic humor to bring you the top 88 best sarcasm quotes ever. Each quote is handpicked to showcase the brilliance of sarcasm as it dances on the fine line between humor and truth. Prepare to nod in agreement, chuckle aloud, and maybe even recognize a glimmer of your own thoughts elegantly captured through these words.

1. “I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible.” - Jane Austen

2. “For the whole earth is the tomb of famous men; not only are they commemorated by columns and inscriptions in their own country, but in foreign lands there dwells also an unwritten memorial of them, graven not on stone but in the hearts of men. Make them your examples, and, esteeming courage to be freedom and freedom to be happiness, do not weigh too nicely the perils of war."[Funeral Oration of Pericles]” - Thucydides

3. “Why were you lurking under our window?""Yes - yes, good point, Petunia! What were you doing under our windows, boy?""Listening to the news," said Harry in a resigned voice.His aunt and uncle exchanged looks of outrage."Listening to the news! Again?""Well, it changes every day, you see," said Harry.” - J.K. Rowling

4. “That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm.” - Christopher Moore

5. “Don't worry about it; only worry about how people like her breed.” - Gasmaskman

6. “Please do not think that I am accusing socialists of insincerity or that I wish to hold them up to scorn either as bad democrats or as unprincipled schemers and opportunists. I fully believe, in spite of the childish Machiavellism in which some of their prophets indulge, that fundamentally most of them always have been as sincere in their professions as any other men. Besides, I do not believe in insincerity in social strife, for people always come to think what they want to think and what they incessantly profess. As regards democracy, socialist parties are presumably no more opportunists than are any others; they simply espouse democracy if, as, and when it serves their ideals and interests and not otherwise. Lest readers should be shocked and think so immoral a view worthy only of the most callous of political practitioners, ...” - Joseph A. Schumpeter

7. “Are you always a smartass?'Nope. Sometimes I'm asleep.” - Jim Butcher

8. “Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse.” - P.G. Wodehouse

9. “Let me guess - you're Grumpy?'He let out a humpf. ' And you would be too, if you'd just spent the last hour searching the forest for your wayward charge.' He walked even faster. 'We tell you to stay inside, we tell you not to talk to strangers. But oh no, you must be out singing to the animals as if the birds didn't do a fine enough job of it. And this after Queen Neferia has already tried to kill you thrice. [...] Which is why you are not to go shopping anymore, no matter how pretty the wares, remember?'Oh, right.' [...] when you looked at it that way, Snow White had to be pretty idiotic to keep falling for the same trick.” - Janette Rallison

10. “Your wit is always such a delight, Mr. Zeklos. I can barely contain myself around it.” - Richelle Mead

11. “Mystics are all a bit funny in the head anyway," the priest added cynically, "which is why the church locks them all up in mental hospitals and euphemistically calls these institutions monasteries.” - Robert Anton Wilson

12. “That seems like stealing, doesn't it?" Simon pulled a cup toward him. He drew the lid back. "Ooh. Mochaccino." He looked at Magnus. "Did you pay for these?""Sure," said Magnus, while Jace and Alec snickered. "I make dollar bills magically appear in their cash register.""Really?""No." Magnus popped the lid off his own coffee. "But you can pretend I did if it makes you feel better. So, first order of business is what?” - Cassandra Clare

13. “I was supposed to be waiting up here when you got back, only your Phoenix lot got in the way...”“Yes, they do that,” said Dumbledore.” - J.K. Rowling

14. “Just remember that you're on my list, Marcone. Soon as I get done with all the other evils in this town, you won't be the lesser of them anymore."Marcone stared at me with half-lidded eyes and said, "Eek.” - Jim Butcher

15. “October: This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” - Mark Twain

16. “Sometimes I feel so sick at the state of the world I can't even finish my second apple pie.” - Banksy

17. “Well, someone slap my butt and give me a hero cookie. (Nick)” - Sherrilyn Kenyon

18. “Cam's wings were so bright they were almost blinding as they pulsed. "Holy Hell," Callie whispered, blinking."More or less," Arriane said” - Lauren Kate

19. “And here I was thinking you were a bit slow, what with so much asking and not knowing anything.” - Carlos Ruiz Zafon

20. “We...we could be friends.'We COULD be rare specimens of an exotic breed of dancing African elephants, but we're not. At least, I'M not.” - Neil Gaiman

21. “He paused at the bedroom door, shut his eyes, took a deep breath, and walked right out like it was any other morning, and he and Jack would be having breakfast as if they hadn't had sex the night before."Morning," he said, casting a quick glance over his shoulder."Mmm," D grunted."You done in the bathroom?"D blinked. No, I jus' took a little breather in the middle a my mornin' beauty ritual ta come out here 'n' chat with ya. A course I'm done.” - Jane Seville

22. “Oh, poor, poor fellow!' said Mrs. Elliot with a remorse that was sincere, though her congratulations would not have been.” - E. M. Forster

23. “If you are going to do that, would you mind not jostling the bed so much?' came a sarcastic voice near the head board. 'Perhaps you could roll around on the floor.” - Julie Kagawa

24. “I don't know how you persist in being so stubborn-""It's a superpower. I was bitten by a radioactive mule.” - Shannon Hale

25. “Give me a few minutes.”“You have time.” He sat in the grass.“Are you just going to sit there and watch me?”“Yes. Watching pretty peasant girls is what we poor little rich boys do best.”“Peasant?”He shrugged. “You started the name calling.” - Ilona Andrews

26. “Sebastian just smiled. “I could hear your heart beating,” he said softly. “When you were watching me with Valentine. Did it bother you?”“That you seem to be dating my dad?” Jace shrugged. "You’re a little young for him, to be honest.”“What?” For the first time since Jace had met him, Sebastian seemed flabbergasted.” - Cassandra Clare

27. “Oh, you need Alan to betray Nick and then you'll steal Nick's powers and kill them both," said Mae. "Great idea. Hey, can i come? I'll bring a picnic lunch if you promise not to let blood get on the sandwiches.” - Sarah Rees Brennan

28. “He made a sound of disgust in the back of his throat. "Oh thank you so much. That's what every man wants to hear about his name. You might as well call me 'Little Pecker' while you're at it and tell me you would love to have me go shopping with you for feminine hygiene products. Oh and by all means, carry a big, sparkling pink bag with flowers on it and make me hold it.” - Sherrilyn Kenyon

29. “Sam gave Captain Suicide a droll stare. "How did you die again? Oh wait, I know this. 'I can take 'em. I don't need to wait for reinforcements. I can do it myself.' How'd that work out for you again?” - Sherrilyn Kenyon

30. “By the Angel," Jace said, looking the demon up and down. "I knew Greater Demons were meant to be ugly, but no one ever warned me about the smell."Abbadon opened its mouth and hissed. Inside its mouth were two rows of jagged glass-sharp teeth."I'm not sure about this wind and howling darkness business," Jace went on, "smells more like landfill to me. You sure you're not from Staten Island?” - Cassandra Clare

31. “He checked his parachute and launched himself into the Sea of Sarcasm.--Havana Red” - Leonardo Padura

32. “Dear Karma, I really hate you right now, you made your point.” - Ottilie Weber

33. “What I really needed wasn't a dose of school spirit; it was a glass of water, an aspirin the size of my fist, and the answers to the history exam that I hadn't studied for the night before. "As long as I'm dreaming," I muttered, my words lost to the cacophony of the gym, "I'd also like a pony, a convertible, and a couple of friends.""That's a tall order." I'd known that there were people sitting next to me, but I couldn't begin to imagine how one of them had heard me. I hadn't even heard me. "Would you settle for a piece of gum, an orange Tic Tac, and an introduction the the school slut?” - Jennifer Lynn Barnes

34. “If then, Moses so distinctly announces that there is in us not only a faculty, but also a facility for keeping all commandments, why are we sweating so much? ... What need is there now of Christ or of Spirit? We have found a passage that asserts freedom of choice, but also distinctly teaches that the keeping of the commandments is easy.” - Martin Luther

35. “Caro: "Bite me."Ruby: "I gave that up in kindergarten.” - Kristin Hannah

36. “Jules stood up and stretched gracelessly. “Let’s hurry up and pay before she”-she indicated Claire with a flick of her thumb-“sees something shiny and we lose her again.” - Kimberly Derting

37. “Jace said that the cast of Gilligan's Island could do something anatomically unlikely with themselves.” - Cassandra Clare

38. “Ivypool felt her mouth drop open "Hollyleaf? But...you you're dead!" "Obviously not," the newcomer replied with an edge to her voice.” - Erin Hunter

39. “If you didn't have me to rake you over the coals now and then, there wouldn't be any fire in your life at all.” - Joe Hill

40. “I've heard that sarcasm is no substitute for cleverness” - Meredith Duran

41. “At one time, the treatment for a certain kind of psychosis had been to push an ice pick up through the orbit of the eye, into the frontal lobe; the ice pick was then stirred around until it reduced the problematic brain tissue to non-functioning porridge.” - Alastair Reynolds

42. “As soon as they were spotted, one of the jerk’s buddies pointed at me and said, “Arrest her! She’s the one who killed Zak!”Why I outta… Wait Zak? I thought we all agreed he was Captain Asshole? Oh, no… Guess that was just me.” - Bella Shadow

43. “You’re sure you didn’t leave? Didn’t try to explore Thunder Bay again, maybe go down to the park and, I don’t know, dismember some poor jogger?” - Kendare Blake

44. “I have a theory that as human beings get older, chemicals are released into the brain to prepare us for the end. Sort of like how the nurse lubes your ass up before the anus-cam. It makes the whole thing a lot easier to swallow. Easier, not enjoyable.” - Kris D'Agostino

45. “At this time of year it's easy to forget the true meaning of Christianity - the lies, the corruption, the abuse.” - Banksy

46. “Niko was a man of few words and flying, sugary snacks. I like that in a human. ~Catcher” - Rob Thurman

47. “... As could the sarcasm in her voice. "yes, she's bleeding to deat Lu upstairs, but i thought I'd avoid telling you right away, because I like to draw the suspense out.” - Cassandra Clare

48. “Sketchy black van? Weird stalking of my house? What are you going to do next, offer me some candy?” - Hannah Harrington

49. “And fetch some straw.We’ll put it between us and the ground. No reason we shouldn’t sleep soft tonight.”“Straw. I love luxury.” - Joanna Bourne

50. “Thomas was an annoying wiseass who tended to make everyone he met want to kill him, and when I have that much in common with someone, I can't help but like him a little.” - Jim Butcher

51. “Your name?"The movements of the man's mouth didn't quite match what he was saying, so seeing him speak was a bit like watching a badly dubbed film."Alex Gardiner," Alex said. "Your real name?""I just told you.""You lied. Your real name is Alex Rider.""Why ask if you think you know?” - Anthony Horowitz

52. “What happened?" he demanded. "I heard an explosion!""Yeah.That was me. I set the boat alight.""What?""I set fire to the boat.""But we're on the boat!""I know.” - Anthony Horowitz

53. “You want a friend in this city? [Washington, DC.] Get a dog!” - Harry S. Truman

54. “Oh no. Oh God. I couldn't possibly be so stupid.""Don't limit yourself. You can be anything you wish.” - Tessa Dare

55. “I'm fully aware that some of the stuff I write is going to offend people or p*ss them off. They should be fully aware that I don't really care.” - Briana Blair

56. “You like? she asked Slade. He gave her a head nod and she vanished behind the curtain.That's my sister, he said, pointing at the closed curtain.I shrugged. "I'm glad you guys are so close.” - Holly Hood

57. “But the people only talked about how ugly her face looked. No one even bothered to mention what a sweet, kindhearted girl she was. Now, don’t be amazed! That is just the nature of humans, to notice the one flaw among a person’s ten good qualities.” - Janaki Sooriyarachchi

58. “You can't drive them around in the getaway van.' 'How about we don't call it the getaway van? People might get suspicious.' 'So what should we call it?' 'How about the van?' 'It doesn't change what it is and that it's a shitty thing to do. Someone might see them in it.” - Cath Crowley

59. “How are you feeling?"I leaned away from him. "Gross."Aiden frowned. "Gross?""I haven't brushed my teeth or washed my face in days. Don't come near me."He laughed. "Alex, come on.""Seriously, I'm gross." I put my hand over my mouth.Ignoring my protests, he leaned over and brushed my string hair back. "You're as beautiful as always, Alex."I stared at him. He must not get out much.” - Jennifer L. Armentrout

60. “You are quite possibly the least smooth guy I know,” she mumbled. “You can’t even put your arm around me without tripping up.” - Lish McBride

61. “We had and incident. I took care of it.""Really." Jace's voice dripped sarcasm. "Do you even know how to use that knife, Clarissa? Without poking a hole in yourself or any innocent bystanders?” - Cassandra Clare

62. “Marcus stepped behind the bar, saying, “Dan sent me over to assist you and learn how to tend the bar.” Doms could be pain-in-the-ass mother hens.” - Cherise Sinclair

63. “It feels good to shoot your veins full of heroin too, but that doesn’t mean you should go out and become a junkie.” - Noelle Blakely

64. “Most of the people you read about being turned meet vamps in clubs or over the Internet...Ew, did you...?""Yes, I met a vampire on the Internet, went to his evil love den, and let him turn me, because I'm that brainless.” - Molly Harper

65. “You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.''And yet it is still extremely funny.” - Cecelia Ahern

66. “You are in good shape for a dead man.” - Mario Stinger

67. “We all love each other, Ange," I said impatiently, hating this whole conversation. "No, not like this," she went on relentlessly. "Fang loves you."......My mouth dropped open. How does she know this stuff? "Forget it! No one's getting married!" I hissed. "Not in New Hampshire or anywhere else! Not in a box, not with a fox! Now go to sleep, before I kill you! Oh yeah, like I got any sleep after that. - pg 35” - James Patterson

68. “Too bad. Game over. Insert new fucking quarter.” - Nenia Campbell

69. “Aww, did we masturbate through the tears last night?” - Kresley Cole

70. “teenagers are never joking. when seeking to prove a point, principals and teachers should remember that teenagers are never, ever sarcasic or ironic. if they say "I wish someone would drop a bomb on this school right now," that means they have arranged for a nuclear arsenal to be emptied onto the school and should be immediately suspended and ridiculed. if they say they were merely coming up with a joking excuse to postpone a bio test, reply that all jokes are funny, and that since dropping a bomb on a school is not funny, it is therefore not a joke.” - David Levithan

71. “I don't need you to tell me I'm not well, though I don't really know what's wrong with me; I think I'm five times healthier than you are.” - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

72. “You like them," I realized.Noah's eyebrows lifted in question."Like as people.""As opposed to...furniture?""They're my PARENTS.""That is my understanding, yes.” - Michelle Hodkin

73. “Does Hallmark make a “Sorry I tried to drink your blood and touched you in a vaguely inappropriate manner” card? I settled for “How much do you remember?” - Molly Harper

74. “It's kind of depressing, if you think about it. I mean, me being so young, and yet so cynical and suspicious.” - Meg Cabot

75. “The Bibbidi Bobbidi Beautiful boutique, the name filled me with dread.” - Jessica Fortunato

76. “I've heard that the best way to help poor people is to make sure you don't become one of them” - Robin Sharma

77. “Minho snickered and leaned back in his chair. “Man, you are one butt-load of sunshine, let me tell you.” - James Dashner

78. “He sure told you off, huh, Icy?" ~Darcy” - VIZ Media

79. “I don't know what it is about "magic happens"-stickers on cars but every time I see one I wanna get out my permanent marker and sneak over and write underneath it "so does cot death".” - Tim Minchin

80. “Where do you come up with these zingers, Clint? Do you own some kind of joke factory in Indonesia where you've got eight-year-olds working ninety hours a week to deliver you that kind of top-quality witticism? There are boy bands with more original material.” - John Green

81. “But there was no going back to that idyllic time when only one god wanted to kill me.” - Kevin Hearne

82. “You seem to know a lot about it," she said. "And you do subtleties.""Yeah. Like I've always wanted to destroy the Nine Worlds while committing suicide.""Well, there's no need to be rude," protested Sif.” - Joanne Harris

83. “What am I doing here? The Southern Star has vanished, a Cataclyst is calling the moon out of time at the mythical Great Barrier, and you're asking what I'm doing here? Are you serious?” - Kami Garcia

84. “Go on the roller coaster they tell me. It’ll be fun they tell me. -Max Montgomery” - Amanda Kelly

85. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.' Yeah, well, whoever wrote that was a friggin' idiot.” - Marley Gibson

86. “How does knowing 'things could be worse' than what I already deem awful make me feel any better? You mean I could sink even lower? Oh joy!” - Richelle E. Goodrich

87. “You must be a blast on long car rides.”“Oh, I am. You haven't experienced fun until you try to fuck in the front seat of a Civic.” - Nenia Campbell

88. “If by ‘foe’ you mean a brutal killer, then I suppose I’d fall into the ‘friend’ category,” I replied cynically. “Although in your case, we may have to find a secret option number three.” - M.A. George