“Alcohol is decisiveness juice. It's also bad idea punch, intellect intoxicant, insolence nectar, fighting fluid, boastfulness booze, smartass sauce, injury water, aggressiveness aqua vitae, felony-committin’ firewater, and, of course, maybe above all else...depression drink.”

“Modern life was so fleeting. You could spend all day reading blogs, jerking off, sending e-mails, watching reality television, playing video games, drinking beers. This era had made it so easy to do nothing with your life. To be awake but not living. Just like I was.”

“Let's be honest, your occupation is boring. It's great if you like it. It's great if you pretend to like it. It's really great if you work good hours and make good money. But I don't need to hear about it.”

“Love conquers all.” But love doesn't conquer all. It doesn't conquer anything but boredom and horniness. Dictators with lots of brainwashed followers and state-of-the-art weaponry conquer all.”

“Let's be serious, I wasn't a jack of all trades. I was just a jack-off of none. A hubristic fool who lived in my mind, certain I was better than everyone. An irredeemable asshole that for some reason people tolerated and occasionally even liked.”

“I was always just there. In a perpetual nihilistic malaise of ennui and lots of other SAT words.”

“Failure is not a single, cataclysmic event. You don't fail overnight. Instead, failure is a few errors in judgment, repeated every single day." —Jim Rohn”