“Soooooo, trying to grow a beard?” Nope. Just checking out on life.”

“Life is chaotic and unscripted. Not everyone becomes a success. Or, even a failure. Most people just are. They don't even consider what they are. They just are.”

“Modern life was so fleeting. You could spend all day reading blogs, jerking off, sending e-mails, watching reality television, playing video games, drinking beers. This era had made it so easy to do nothing with your life. To be awake but not living. Just like I was.”

“I was always just there. In a perpetual nihilistic malaise of ennui and lots of other SAT words.”

“I’m haunted by demons but they aren’t very potent demons. They’re lazy, failure demons just like their possessor.”

“Let's be serious, I wasn't a jack of all trades. I was just a jack-off of none. A hubristic fool who lived in my mind, certain I was better than everyone. An irredeemable asshole that for some reason people tolerated and occasionally even liked.”

“You see, the one thing the government and a lot of voters don't seem to understand is that you can't turn a failure into a success just by giving them a little “free” money. Creating programs for them. Failures can only become successes by hard work and shit.”