“Elphaba gave him a sidelong glance. “I think you enjoy going to school, Nick. Are you sure canoodling with teenage girls isn’t your ulterior motive?”“Perish the thought, Elphaba, perish the thought. I’m too old for that.” Nick winked. “By about eight hundred years.”

“Nick laughed and pet the Wangdoodle on the head. “Esperto, you silly boy,” he said to the Wangdoodle. “Usually, Esperto only transforms when I’m in danger,” Nick said to Elphaba. “But whenever he’s around Dymons, he loves to play along. Their transformations are to Esperto what a ball of yarn is to a kitten.” Esperto gave out a strange squeaking growl, which Elphaba figured was the Wangdoodle version of a purr.“What the hell is a Wangdoodle?” Elphaba whispered.“I haven’t a clue,” Nick laughed.”

“I didn’t think—” Nick began.“You didn’t think! That’s your problem, Nick, you just don’t think!”Nick struggled to respond.“You’re invulnerable,” Elphaba continued. “You’re immortal. You’re ancient. Nothing fazes you. No situation is too dangerous for you. Chop off your hand, or your head, or pull your liver out and eat it with some fava beans, you don’t care! In a few minutes you’ll be right as rain.”Elphaba took a deep breath. “But the rest of us aren’t like that, Nick. I only have the one liver, and I need it, thank you very much.” Elphaba’s diaphragm rapidly rose and fell.”

“But it was for your own good.” – Nick“So’s the spanking I’m about to give you.” – Cherise“I’m too big to spank.” – Nick“Fine, you’re grounded until your grandkids are old.” – Cherise“Kind of hard to do. How am I supposed to have grandkids if I’m grounded?” – Nick“Precisely my point, you demon spawn. You’re never going to get off restriction.” – Cherise”

“Nick pulled a business card out of a pocket and handed it to Elphaba. It read Nicholas Lynch, Inspector, Ministry of Magick, next to a moving image of Nick, mugging for the camera. “I finally get to use my Harry Potter business cards!”

“Elphaba’s face darkened again. Then she asked, hesitantly, as if afraid of the answer, “So, how do you get the evil life force?”“From innocent people, Elphaba,” Nick spoke so quietly he almost whispered. “I must draw the life force from innocent people. The more innocent they are, the more evil the murder is.”Elphaba jerked as though a shock had struck her in the heart. “Oh, that’s terrible!”“Yes, it is. Terrible. That word doesn’t even do it justice, terrible. There is no Magick more terrible than Magick that cheats death. I have cheated death, and death extracts its price.”Elphaba silently looked at Nick, her expression of revulsion enough to communicate her feelings. “You shouldn’t act so surprised, malyutka,” Nick said softly. “It is who I am. And it’s worked for me for centuries.”Elphaba sat for a moment, trying to calm herself. “Yes, you’re right. I knew that part of you was a monster. Sometimes it’s easy to forget, since you seem to be such a decent guy.”“Lyches are monsters.”