“When I saw the Twilight movies I thought being a Vampyre was so romantic. When my friends decided to be Vampyres it was so cool. We would do anything to be like Dwayne and Maria and the rest. I got what I wished for but I have no life to enjoy it with.”

“Do vampyres play chess? Were there vampyre dorks? How about Barbie-like vampyre cheerleaders? Did any vampyres play in the band? Were there vampyre Emos with their guy-wearing-girl’s-pants weirdness and those awful bangs that cover half their faces? Or were they all those freaky Goth kids who didn’t like to bathe much? Was I going to turn into a Goth kid? Or worse, an Emo? I didn’t particularly like wearing black, at least not exclusively, and I wasn’t feeling a sudden and unfortunate aversion to soap and water, nor did I have an obsessive desire to change my hairstyle and wear too much eyeliner.”

“I loathe being crimped into this deplorable position on the vampyre chessboard.”

“Why did so many teenagers fall for Stanley Horowitz’s tricks?”“These were impressionable teenagers,” Nick explained. “Many of them were devoted fans of romantic Vampyre stories. They over-romanticized what it means to be a Vampyre, and that gave Stanley a way to manipulate them.”“I’ve read Twilight,” Tamara said. “My daughter is a huge fan. Is she in any danger?”“The danger arises from wanting to belong to the in crowd so badly, you lose sight of what’s real and what’s fantasy.”“Surely today’s teenagers know that vampires are fantasy,” Tamara said.“Possibly. But remember, Vampyres are not romantic. Vampyres are dead. They are walking reminders of tragedy. Loving one is necrophilia. And wanting to be one is the first step on the road to catastrophe.”

“Inside, I was like: "Ha, suck my spiky rubber strap-on, vampyre hunter!”

“That’s the last thing we need. Zombys in a Vampyre story. Twilight of the Living Dead. Ugh!”