“There a lot of things I can't do," he says. "With my... health.""Well," I say, "can you kiss girls?”

“What are you eating?" he ask us."Whatever won't kill me, please" I said."Whatever don't kill you'll make you stronger" says Eddie, who is always ready with folksy wisdom."All right," I say. "Then give me whatever will make me stronger.""One pizza, coming up.”

“I mean, who wants to date a guy who thinks a girl who can't operate a fruit cup is attractive?”

“When a girl turns down your advances, the polite thing to do is just move on.”

“Let me get this straight," I say. "You're practically ordering me to die. What kind of guidance counselor are you?”

“Whenever I start thinking about death, it always cheers me up to think about my funeral and my tombstone (which, by the way, will say "Here lies Harlan Sturr. Please don't pee on him.") ”

“I had figured out that it was a bad idea, but, well, it´s hard to argue with love, even when it´s making you do something really stupid.”