“What are you eating?" he ask us."Whatever won't kill me, please" I said."Whatever don't kill you'll make you stronger" says Eddie, who is always ready with folksy wisdom."All right," I say. "Then give me whatever will make me stronger.""One pizza, coming up.”

“Whenever I start thinking about death, it always cheers me up to think about my funeral and my tombstone (which, by the way, will say "Here lies Harlan Sturr. Please don't pee on him.") ”

“Let me get this straight," I say. "You're practically ordering me to die. What kind of guidance counselor are you?”

“There a lot of things I can't do," he says. "With my... health.""Well," I say, "can you kiss girls?”

“A long time ago, Trinity and I made a list of types of guys you should never date. We add to it every now and then. It includes things like never date a guy whose computer costs more than his car (you'll never get him to pay attention to you except over instant messages), never date a guy who has a pet lizard (he's probably into weird stuff in bed) and never under any circumstances go on a second date with a guy who says the word "married" on the first date (he'll turn out to be a mama's boy or a religious type)”

“I had figured out that it was a bad idea, but, well, it´s hard to argue with love, even when it´s making you do something really stupid.”

“Wow,” says Peter, “when your guidance counselor tells you to die, you really have problems.”