“The storm hit with all the fury of a woman who’d been dieting for six months, only to discover she’d gained four pounds.”

“Howie's doctor told him to lose ten pounds, and since Howie's been on a diet he's gained three.”

“If for nine years I have possessed a goodly apple that is rotten at the core and discover its rottenness only in nine years and six months less four days, isn't it true to say that for nine years I possessed a goodly apple?”

“She’d make for a jazzy week-end, but she’d be wearing for a steady diet.”

“So just tell me what you like on the menu, and we'll negotiate."All that is required is that you taste what is ordered. You do not have to eat it."No, no more of this tasting shit. I've gained weight. I never gain weight."You have gained four pounds, so I am told. Though I have searched diligently for this phantom four pounds and cannot find them. It brings your weight up to a grand total of one hundred and ten pounds, correct?"That's right."Oh, ma petite, you are growing gargantuan." I looked at him, and it was not a friendly look.”

“It would be like a cleansing diet. The problem was, the only diet I'd ever been on backfired. Once I tried to go an entire month without chocolate. Not one bite. At the end of two weeks, I broke down and binged on more chocolate that I would have eaten in three months. I hoped my chocolate-free diet didn't foreshadow what would happen if I tried to avoid Patch.”