“Strap a piece of toast -buttered side up- to the back of a cat. Throw the cat out of the window. Will the cat land on its feet or will Murphy's law apply?”

“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”

“If your mind is too open people can throw all kinds of rubbish into it.”

“We get a lot of calls where the person is murdered at home, but is not found for a period of time. And so the animals have already started to take the body apart because they haven't been fed in that period. So your evidence is being chewed up by the family pet.I tell you - Dogs are more loyal than cats. Cats will wait only a certain period of time and they'll start chewing on you. Dogs will wait a day or two before they just can't take the starving anymore. So, keep that in mind when choosing a pet. You know how a cat just stares at you, maybe at the top of the TV, from across the room? That's because they're watching to see if you're gonna stop breathing.”

“Playing a violin is, after all, only scraping a cat's entrails with horsehair.”

“--I wouldn't throw that cat out of bed.--When did you get a cat?”

“Fat raindrops are starting to fall and no doubt it's only a matter of time before the sky is throwing buckets of water in my face.”