“After I took two pees- 'cause the news of this mandatory dress rehearsal was way too big of a nuclear bomb to just take one- we made plans to meet by the Fountain before the dress rehearsal began to get our act together.”

“Rejections are thin 'cause they really have nothing to say other than, "Sorry, dude, you're screwed." acceptances are thick 'cause they have lots of stuff to say like, "Welcome, dude, you're not screwed, we want you.”

“Q and Beanpole and I giggled at the way our math teacher, Mr. Sung-Li, wore four pencils in his shirt pocket in case he was suddenly attacked by a multiplication problem or something.”

“Cashier: Yes, can I help you?Tee-Ay: Yeah, I need a rattle.Cashier: Aisle eight.Tee-Ay: I'm looking for the kind that'll give a fatherless black baby a future, you got any of those?Cashier: Girl, if we sold those, do you think I'd be workin' here?”

“Put it on channel eight- I wanna watch ESPN!"Shove it up your a** with a flaming hot jalepeno pepper, Teddy!”

“Fantasies are more than substitutes for unpleasant reality; they are also dress rehearsals, plans. All acts performed in the world begin in the imagination.”

“This is no dress rehearsal.”