“Rejections are thin 'cause they really have nothing to say other than, "Sorry, dude, you're screwed." acceptances are thick 'cause they have lots of stuff to say like, "Welcome, dude, you're not screwed, we want you.”

“After I took two pees- 'cause the news of this mandatory dress rehearsal was way too big of a nuclear bomb to just take one- we made plans to meet by the Fountain before the dress rehearsal began to get our act together.”

“Cashier: Yes, can I help you?Tee-Ay: Yeah, I need a rattle.Cashier: Aisle eight.Tee-Ay: I'm looking for the kind that'll give a fatherless black baby a future, you got any of those?Cashier: Girl, if we sold those, do you think I'd be workin' here?”

“Q and Beanpole and I giggled at the way our math teacher, Mr. Sung-Li, wore four pencils in his shirt pocket in case he was suddenly attacked by a multiplication problem or something.”

“Put it on channel eight- I wanna watch ESPN!"Shove it up your a** with a flaming hot jalepeno pepper, Teddy!”

“Dude you say the best stuff. You're so getting lucky.”

“If you insist on the chase," I say, my voice much surer than I feel."Then you better start training. 'Cause, dude you're in for a marathon.”