“This state of affairs is known technically as the "double-bind." Aperson is put in a double-bind by a command or request which containsa concealed contradiction...This is a damned-if-you-do and damned-if-you-don'tsituation which arises constantly in human (and especially family)relations...The social doublebind game can be phrased in several ways:The first rule of this game is that it is not a game.Everyone must play.You must love us.You must go on living.Be yourself, but play a consistent and acceptable role.Control yourself and be natural.Try to be sincere.Essentially, this game is a demand for spontaneous behavior of certainkinds. Living, loving, being natural or sincere—all these arespontaneous forms of behavior: they happen "of themselves" likedigesting food or growing hair. As soon as they are forced they acquirethat unnatural, contrived, and phony atmosphere which everyonedeplores—weak and scentless like forced flowers and tasteless likeforced fruit. Life and love generate effort, but effort will not generatethem. Faith—in life, in other people, and in oneself—is the attitude ofallowing the spontaneous to be spontaneous, in its own way and in itsown time.”

“Like too much alcohol,self-consciousness makes us see ourselves double, and we make the double image for two selves - mental and material, controlling and controlled, reflective and spontaneous. Thus instead of suffering we suffer about suffering, and suffer about suffering about suffering.”

“Nothing fails like success—because the self-imposed task of oursociety and all its members is a contradiction: to force things to happenwhich are acceptable only when they happen without force.”

“We seldom realize, for example, that our most private thoughts and emotions are not actually our own. For we think in terms of languages and images which we did not invent, but which were given to us by our society. We copy emotional reactions from our parents, learning from them thatexcrement is supposed to have a disgusting smell and that vomiting is supposed to be an unpleasant sensation. The dread of death is also learned from their anxieties about sickness and from their attitudes to funerals and corpses. Our social environment has this power just because we do not exist apart from a society. Society is our extended mind and body. Yet the very society from which the individual is inseparable is using its whole irresistible force to persuade the individual that he is indeed separate! Society as we now know it is therefore playing a game with self-contradictory rules.”

“Yet again, the more you strive for some kind of perfection or mastery—inmorals, in art or in spirituality—the more you see that you are playing ararified and lofty form of the old ego-game, and that your attainment ofany height is apparent to yourself and to others only by contrast withsomeone else's depth or failure.”

“Where there is to be creative action, it is quite beside the point to discuss what we should or should not do in order to be right or good. A mind that is single and sincere is not interested in being good, in conducting relations with other people so as to live up to a rule. Nor, on the other hand, is it interested in being free, in acting perversely just to prove its independence. Its interest is not in itself, but in the people and problems of which it is aware; these are “itself.” It acts, not according to the rules, but according to the circumstances of the moment, and the “well” it wishes to others is not security but liberty.”

“But nirvana is a radical transformation of how it feels to be alive: it feels as if everything were myself, or as if everything---including "my" thoughts and actions---were happening of itself. There are still efforts, choices, and decisions, but not the sense that "I make them"; they arise of themselves in relation to circumstances. This is therefore to feel life, not as an encounter between subject and object, but as a polarized field where the contest of opposites has become the play of opposites.”