“Please don't' ask me how I feel about it. If I had to pick a word, I'd say homicidal.”

“I pray to a God I don't really have faith in just so I feel like I have company.”

“It's old. Really old.Is that a technical term?Yeah, it's technical. Translation: I don't know how old it is, but it's really fucking old.Wow. That is old.”

“Five years, my family thinks it's time I moved on. I'd like to move on with a non-asshole”

“Just so we're clear, I dont' secretly want to have sex with either of my parents.Me either. I worked through that in college just to make sure. It was touch and go for a while, especially when my father kept asking me if he looked pretty.”

“Otherwise I'll do something that I won't be able to live with. And that's important to me, being able to live with my actions. My thoughts are a different story. They've my own and they don't hurt anyone but me.”

“Can I ask you something?Boxers. Briefs exacerbate my claustrophobia.”