“You want something to drink?Is this a trick question?Yes. I'm going to read your personality based on your beverage choices, so choose wisely.”

“You're on a blind date. The only other questions is: Why aren't you drinking heavily?”

“Do you want me, too?Yes. And no.I'll take that. For now.”

“Why don't you tell me why you called me?Don't you know?I'm a therapist, nto a psychic.That would make your job easier, no?Scarier.”

“I have two choices: attend my sister's dinner party or tie a plastic sack around my mother's head until she runs out of ngagging. I choose the evil that doesn't come witha felony conviction.”

“I don't want him to think I'm crazy, because I'm not. Desperate is what I am. Quietly desperate and insatiably curious.”

“Just so we're clear, I dont' secretly want to have sex with either of my parents.Me either. I worked through that in college just to make sure. It was touch and go for a while, especially when my father kept asking me if he looked pretty.”