“Your telephone! Your friend Travis is in it!”

“What are you, in love with her?" Travis says. "You're staring like an idiot."The weird thing is, I think I am.”

“To be worthy of a princess, you must face your dragon... Your greatest fear.”

“You will wake only if kissed by a young man who is truly your love, truly your destiny, one who would walk miles and face torturous tests to find you.”

“That's what true love should be like-the person should be part of your soul and you should know what they're feeling all the time.”

“Listen.” The voice is extremely loud, and I am forced to hold the telephone away from my ear. “I don’t know who you are, or why you have Jack’s phone, but he is my boyfriend, and—”Boyfriend? What is a boyfriend? Perhaps it is something like a beau. “Is he engaged to you, then?” I hope not.“What? No. Of course not.”“Oh, what a relief. He is my true love, and you do not sound very nice.”“What? Listen, you . . .”And then, strangely enough, she calls me a female dog.”

“He bursts into tears, and not some manlike tears either, where you pretend you're brushing something off your face and, incidentally, wipe a tear. Nope. He starts bawling like a kid who spilled his Slushie...”