“Moisturiser and a good cry: two things for modern men to think about.”

“Remember that there are two things in this life that are never worth crying about: what can be cured and what cannot be cured.”

“I think men who can cry are strong men”

“But have you ever overheard two women discussing men? Men are crude liars, comparing their drabs, but women - I'd rather have [an] anatomist dissect me alive than to listen to the things the ladies say about us when they think they are alone.”

“The wonderful thing about modern technology is the amount of communication and information-sharing it facilitates. And the awful thing about modern technology is the amount of communication and information-sharing it facilitates.”

“One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.”