“Sit, Phantom!" Ivy cooed. "On your bottom!""Oh, for goodness' sake!" Gabriel put down his book and pointed a longer finger at Phantom. "Sit," he commanded in a deep voice. Phantom looked sheepish and sank straight to the floor.Ivy scowled in frustration. "I've been trying to get him to do that all day! What is it with dogs and male authority?”

“...I could now look down at ghostly fingers, wraith-like toes, and a phantom wang.”

“I have stood aside to see the phantoms of those days go by me. They are gone, and I resume the journey of my story.’ (David Copperfield)“But all that night he lay awake because the phantoms of those days were not gone. Like the tiny, terrible holes in the prophylactics, the phantoms of those days were not easy to detect—and their meaning was unknown—but they were there.”

“Christine wouldn't choose him. But the reader won't forget him. They won't forget the Phantom's lamentations, his life, his love. They love the disfigured Phantom who casts off his mask.”

“According to the legend an evil old doctor, who called himself God and us dogs, created the first boy in his adolescent image. The boy peopled the garden with male phantoms that rose from his ejaculations. This angered God, who was getting on in years. He decided it endangered his position as CREATOR. So he crept upon the boy and anaesthetized him and made Eve from his rib. Henceforth all creation of beings would process through female channels. But some of Adam's phantoms refused to let God near them under any pretext.”

“It was a universal truth among males that anytime you saw a guy get it in the nuts, you experienced a shot of phantom pain in your own croquet set.”