“I moaned like a whore in church.To be fair, I’d never actually heard a whore moan in church, but I had a feeling it sounded a lot like the unholy sounds pouring forth from my mouth.”

“I panted like a whore in church. The Church of Simon... where I was dying to kneel before him.”

“Thump“Oh, God”Thump ThumpUnbelievable…I woke up faster this time, because I knew what I was hearing I sat up in bed, glaring behind me. The bed was still pulled safely away from the wall, so I felt no movement. But there sure as hell something moving over there.Then I heard ……hissing?I looked down at Clive, whose tail was at full puff. He arched his back and paced back and forth at the foot of the bed.“Hey, mister. It’s cool. We just got a noisy neighbor, that’s all,” I soothed, stretching my hand out to him. That’s when I heard it. “Meow” I cocked my head sideways, listening more intently. I studied Clive, who looked back at me as if to say “T’weren’t me”.“Meow! Oh, God. Me -Yow!”The girl next door was meowing. What in the world was my neighbor packing to make that happen?Clive, at this point, went utterly bonkers and launched himself at the wall. He was literally climbing it, trying to get where the noise was coming from, and adding his own meows to the chorus.“Oooh yes, just like that, Simon…Mmmm….Meow, meow, Meow!”Sweet Lord, there were out-of-control pussies on both sides of this wall tonight.”

“I don’t know why you’re laughing, Miss Thing,” Nick said, turning his gaze to me. “You still fantasize over Joe McIntyre like you are thirteen years old!”“Oh, I own my obsession. If Joey Joe were here right now, I’d break him. I have no shame.”

“And then I tasted nothing but his sweet lips, pressed firmly to mine, as I kissed him like it was my job.”

“We have to stop, this is insane. I literally cannot handle anymore. I think I’ve lost brain function. I can actually feel myself becoming stupid”…“Not possible. Let’s test it. What’s two times two?”“Orange?”

“He was everything I’d ever wanted, and everything I hadn’t even known I needed.”