“You done with work?Yep, at home waiting for you.Now that's a nice visual...Prepare yourself, I'm taking bread out of the oven.Don't tease me woman...zucchini?Cranberry orange. Mmmm...No woman has ever done breakfast bread foreplay the way you do.Ha! When you coming?Can't. Drive. Straight.Can we have one conversation when you're not twelve?Sorry, I'll be there in 30Perfect, that will give me time to frost my buns.Pardon me?Oh, didn't I tell you? I also made cinnamon rolls.Be there in 25.”

“Huh. Fancy meeting you here," I teased. "I recall telling you that I had a meeting with Holly this morning. Coincidence?" "Sheridan, that's rubbish. Are you insinuating that I only came here in the hopes of running into you? I happen to have had an appointment as well," he taunted. "That's crap, you stalker," I deadpanned, moving in closer to him. He raised an eyebrow, watching me.”

“Why do all men seem to think they need to rescue a woman? Are we not capable of rescuing our damn selves? Why do I need to be rescued? I don’t need a man to rescue me, and I certainly don’t need no wallbanging, Purina-fucking, listening-at-my-wall-like-a-goddamn-psycho coming over here to rescue me! You got that, mister?”

“Just trying to get a visual of you on the beach in Spain…How's that working out for you?Pretty spiffy.Spiffy? Did you just say spiffy?I typed it actually. You got something against spiffy?”

“OK snark, settle. You're telling me you don't have the tiniest crush on him? Tell the truth, Grace," she said, cornering me over by the dishwasher."I don't have a crush," I debated."Well, maybe I have half a crush. I have a 'cruh'," I admitted, giggling."But it's strickly Joshua inspired," I added, knowing that was not entirely true.”

“Yeah, she's right here. She's in the shower, in fact…Oh, Jack! I told Grace the funniest joke about the British invading her hoo—Wait, what?…Hold on…Grace, Jack would like you to know that he has seen the pictures and he thinks you were pointing that shrimp at him far too aggressively…No, she isn't acknowledging you. She's now banging her head against the shower tiles…Oops, now she's glaring at me…she's turning off the shower, Jack…she's coming towards me…she's naked, Jack…and angry…she's naked and angry, Jack…you would probably love angry, naked Grace. It's something to see. She's hitting me, Jack…I think she's going to take the phone away from…”

“Thump“Oh, God”Thump ThumpUnbelievable…I woke up faster this time, because I knew what I was hearing I sat up in bed, glaring behind me. The bed was still pulled safely away from the wall, so I felt no movement. But there sure as hell something moving over there.Then I heard ……hissing?I looked down at Clive, whose tail was at full puff. He arched his back and paced back and forth at the foot of the bed.“Hey, mister. It’s cool. We just got a noisy neighbor, that’s all,” I soothed, stretching my hand out to him. That’s when I heard it. “Meow” I cocked my head sideways, listening more intently. I studied Clive, who looked back at me as if to say “T’weren’t me”.“Meow! Oh, God. Me -Yow!”The girl next door was meowing. What in the world was my neighbor packing to make that happen?Clive, at this point, went utterly bonkers and launched himself at the wall. He was literally climbing it, trying to get where the noise was coming from, and adding his own meows to the chorus.“Oooh yes, just like that, Simon…Mmmm….Meow, meow, Meow!”Sweet Lord, there were out-of-control pussies on both sides of this wall tonight.”