“I would prefer to have gum on my face than own up to the fact that I accidentally got gum on my face. And of course one sentence out of every ten that comes from my mouth is probably not one hundred percent true.”

“I’ve got hair in my mouth, because I replaced my teeth with my cat. This makes it more fun to pet my gums.”

“I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there's gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.”

“I groaned to myself, well at least I hope I groaned to myself, I couldn’t be one hundred percent sure I just didn’t open my mouth and let that groan come out.”

“He rolled his tongue around in his mouth and made a sour face. “Got any gum? Mints?” “No. You going to hark again?” He shook his head. “Mouth tastes like the bottom of my shoe.” I didn’t ask him how he knew that particular flavor.”

“I thought I was going to be the first person to die from gum build up clogging my stomach cavity”