“Dear Teddy, you are without a doubt the best boyfriend in the world. You're kind. You're generous. You threaten to maim people for me. -- Billy”

“Billy: Oh, my God. I just walked out on the Avengers.Tommy: Why is that a bad thing? Earth's mightiest heroes are afraid of you. That's how powerful you are. By walking out, you probably earned their respect. Even I'm hating you a little less than usual.Billy: Thanks, Tommy. That means a lot.”

“Thank you. You're a kind person. It doesn't cost anything to be kind. People forget. Kindness doesn't cost a dime.”

“Avoid yourself. You're in the way.”

“Anyone who calls it "sexual intercourse" can't possibly be interested in actually doing it. You might as well announce you're ready for lunch by proclaiming, "I'd like to do some masticating and enzyme secreting.”

“No matter how much you skake and dance, you always get some on your pants.”

“Life doesn’t make sense. It’s against the law for somebody to steal your bike but apparently it doesn’t matter if somebody tries to steal your best friend. Well you can always get a new bike. But how do you replace a best friend”