“Laminated Lettuce ... perfect for holiday gift giving.”

“The Holy Spirit is the most perfect gift of the Father to men, and yet He is the one gift which the Father gives most easily.”

“I have an apple that thinks its a pear. And a bun that thinks it’s a cat. And a lettuce that thinks its a lettuce.""It’s a clever lettuce, then.""Hardly," she said with a delicate snort. "Why would anything clever think it’s a lettuce?""Even if it is a lettuce?" I asked."Especially then," she said. "Bad enough to be a lettuce. How awful to think you are a lettuce too.”

“I'm hungry enough that I started to salivate at the sight of lettuce. I repeat: lettuce.”

“The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me.”

“If you give me a gift, it’d be insulting to pay you, because I’d be denying you the gift of giving. So my gift to you is to accept your gift, thereby allowing you to enjoy the gift of giving.”