“I caught the earth with my ass when it came up to meet me.”

“When I die, I want them to bury me facedown and ass up so that the whole world can kiss my ass!”

“When my time on earth is gone, and my activities here are passed, I want they bury me upside down, and my critics can kiss my ass!”

“But he came, when I was at my darkest. I prayed him down from the sky, and he came in a flash of blue fire that lit up the heavens. I know he came by his own choice, but he came because I called him. He came when I could no longer take the weight of the world on my own. He came when I needed him the most. He came and saved me from myself, saved me from the waters that rose up to my chest and over my head.”

“I was supposed to be meeting someone, but they had to cancel. After I’d already gotten here, of course,” I explain, bitterness dripping from my voice.“Want me to kick his ass?” he asks. I look up at him and he’s grinning at me over the top of his glass.“No. You might be embarrassed when she gets the better of you.”

“Excuse me. What did you say to me? For your information Danielle, the stick up my ass has served me well over the years. I will not be removing it, but I might have something to shove up yours when you return from class.”