“ABSTAINER, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.”

“NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.”

“Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.”

“Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.”

“Cribbage, n. A substitute for conversation among those to whom nature has denied ideas.”

“VOTE, n. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.”

“acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.”