“Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.”

“Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.”

“Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.”

“Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.”

“LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure.”

“HOMICIDE, n. The slaying of one human being by another. There arefour kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, andpraiseworthy, but it makes no great difference to the person slainwhether he fell by one kind or another -- the classification is foradvantage of the lawyers.”

“Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.”