“An ambassador is a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given an office by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.”

“In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.”

“Immigrant: An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another.”

“love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage of by removal of the patient from the influences under which he/she incurred the disorder. This disease, like Caries and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than the patient.”

“Acquaintance: "A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.”

“Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.”

“ABSTAINER, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.”